I received three emails from three different women from three different places around the country on one day last week. All of the emails were concerning the same relationship topic: "Dear Steven, can I be celibate and still be in a relationship?" I have been avoiding this celibacy question for a couple of years now because I don't want to be the cause of a person going to hell...
To be a man, you need the proper training and development. To be a husband, you must decide that being a man is not enough. To be in a successful relationship with a woman, a man must gain an advanced understanding. Here is that understanding...
When I wrote "Men Don't Heal, We Ho: A Book About The Emotional Instability of Men," my purpose was to save relationships and initiate change, growth and development in both men and women. In New York, a woman said to me: "After reading your book, I figured out that I would be a better woman if I had a better man. I can be better but he don't deserve better." My response was, "You can't let a man lower your quality of woman. I have no choice but to reject your explanation and label it as an excuse. You are to be the absolute best woman that you can be at all times or leave..."
In 2010 it may be necessary on occasion for a woman to be a little bit more aggressive and ask a man out on a date. I am not suggesting that a woman should pursue a man. I still believe that the man should court the woman. Okay? We good? Women, all you have to do is let the man know that you are interested and available. That's all I am saying. If you can make sure the man knows that you are interested and available, without offering to take him out for a slice of cake, then more power to you... Here's what you had to say: Keonte' commented via Facebook: "Traditions are meant to be broken." Lotoyus wrote via Facebook: "With age and experience comes a greater sense of confidence. I'll ask in a heart beat and keep it moving."
"The Extra Ordinary Man vs. The Extraordinary Man" is a concept I developed that saved my marriage. Basically, there are three types of good men. I assume that there is no point in talking about bad men because everybody has either been one or had one. The three types of good men are Ordinary, Extra Ordinary and Extraordinary...
This past Sunday, many of us celebrated our fathers, showering dads with gifts and treating them to brunches or cookouts with the family. While that's well and good for the dads who are doing their duty, relationship expert Steven James Dixon says he meets too many single mothers playing the roles of fathers too. In the last part of his "Three Part Series on Unprotected Sex," Dixon urges women to take control of their sexual encounters and says if they don't, they could lose at least three years of their lives to single motherhood.
Inspired by single mothers raising children on their own, author Steven James Dixon continues his three part series on unprotected sex, explaining on why men have a harder time connecting to their kids, especially if they are not in love with their children's mothers.
Relationship expert Steven James Dixon confesses that he wasn't as sensitive to his wife's pregnancy as he could have been. "I am just now starting to understand and appreciate what my wife meant when she said, "You better thank me for having this baby!" Feel free to email this to the man in your life... Here's what you had to say: K commented: "More men should recognize the immense job placed before a woman when she is carrying their child!" LB wrote: "Steven's wife should be congratulated for wanting more out of life than just being someone's baby momma. She is somebody's wife!"
Top 9 Rules to Live By for Dating With KidsThe Golden Rules for Dating With KidsLast week, tell-it-like-it-is relationships editor Steven James Dixon gave us his take on how women should introduce their children to their new men. He's followed it up with a list of rules to live by when dating with kids.9. The Sleepover Rule9. Your guy can not come in the house until the kids are asleep for a solid hour. If he Can't wait for an hour or until you say it's safe to come in, you and yours is not worth waiting for. You do know what I mean by yours right?8. The Morning After RuleHe has got to be out of the house a solid hour before the kids wake up. Your kids are not going to believe that this dude came over early this morning. Every other morning, your kid is waking you up--that is why this doesn't work.7. The Dirty Laundy RuleIf something gets spilled on him, he goes home! Don't wash his clothes. He can't wear Daddy's old shirt. Are you trying to make your kids go crazy?6. The Kitchen RuleGet that man out of the kitchen! What are you doing? You're setting your man up for, "You are not my daddy!"5. The Discipline RuleIf your kids are bad in front of all of your other friends, but now, all of a sudden, they have to be good for this joker, that ain't gonna fly! They'll resent him from day one!4. The Cleanup RuleIf your house stays filthy, nasty or dirty, but when he comes by, the kids have to clean up. You're setting your guy up for, What did you do to my momma?"3. The Lead By Example RuleYour dude comes by to pick up you and your son. Ya'll get in the car and he is bumping that new Lil Weezie. Just yesterday, you crushed your son's Lil Weezie CD and made him eat the wrapping paper. What, you are going to try that "Don't do what I do" mess?2. The Dinner Table RuleYou can't eat off of each other's plates at dinner. Are you crazy??!! With knives on the table!1. The Stop Lying RuleStop introducing men that you are dating as "Uncle Dude." That is so played out! You can't kiss your uncle. The kids have seen the family pictures, they know all of the uncles and cousins.Steven James DixonSteven James Dixon is the author of the sure fire conversation starter "Men Don't Heal, We Ho," a book about the emotional instability in men. Read More: Commentary: How to Date When You Have Kids Commentary: When Family Planning Gets Tricky Commentary: 10 Skills For a Successful Marriage
"Both women and men alike are taking this dating with kids thing way too seriously," says relationships expert Steven James Dixon. Dixon says parents should introduce their kids to their dates long before they've fallen head over heels. "From now on and forever more, your kid meets the potential husband way before he is the potential husband..." Read More: 10 Ways To Go From Girlfriend to WifeWhat To Look For In A Man, Part IWhat To Look For In A Man, Part II
10 Practical Skills You Need to Have For a Successful MarriageMarriage SkillsMarriage is for everyone. It is a beautiful, fulfilling, blessed union of two people. Unless you are blessed with the gift of celibacy, marriage is for you. If you are a descendant of Adam & Eve, God has created someone especially for you! The question is are you ready for that special someone or have you already missed that special someone while messing around with someone who wasn't special? Relationships are not progressing toward marriage and marriages are failing because we don't know how to be successful at marriage. Marriage is tough because it is "On The Job Training." It is "On The Job Training" because we are not training ourselves before we get married. While dating, we are supposed to be developing and practicing the skills that we will need to be successful in marriage. But on the contrary, dating is most often the thing that prevents marriages from being successful. Too often, we are trying to compare our dating life to our married life. They don't compare. When dating you don't have to compromise or negotiate--when you are unhappy, you can bounce. Marriage is harder, but when successful you will be happier. The benefits include a happy husband, a happy wife, the trust, the respect, the stability, the support, the unconditional love, the guilt-free sex, the life-long companionship, the knowledge that without a shadow of a doubt, when all else fails, this one person has your back. Doesn't that sound good? In honor of Black Marriage Day, coming up on Sunday, March 28,I have provided 10 practical skills you need to have in order to be successful at marriage. Build them, grow them, borrow them, do whatever you have to do to obtain these skills before you get married. If you are already married, then you've got some "On The Job Training" to do!10. Problem-Solving SkillsThe skill of problem-solving may be the most important on this list, but I wanted to start here because if you don't have this one, it doesn't matter if you have all of the other ones. The lack of problem-solving skill development is the number one reason why the first two years of marriage are so difficult. During your first two years of marriage you and your mate are trying to match each other's approach to problem solving. You are finding out that with your spouse, you can only get it your way half of the time. Problem solving skills are about knowing when to fight, when not to fight, when to give, when to take and when to squash it.9. Putting Your Spouse First SkillsWell, first after God, but way, way, way before kids or your job or your momma or your daddy or your friends or Xbox or Wii or PlayStation or the Cowboys or the Lakers or Oprah or anything else that you can think of. God--First. Spouse--Second. Kids--Third. My son is a handsome young man, but I know that I've got a couple more of those left in me. My woman is the only one for me. On her bad days, when she probably should come in last, she is still first because I always want to be first on her list of things to do.8. Life SkillsIt is important that each spouse is not only working for today but also planning for tomorrow for the other spouse. "What can I do today that would make me a better man or husband tomorrow?" "What can I do to still be attractive to my husband five years from now?" "Should I go back to school?" "Should I start my own business?" "How can I show my spouse my support in his endeavors?" Eat right, be healthy, live long, plan financially, save, Handle yo business! be a partner!7. Forgiveness SkillsWhile dating, you don't have to forgive, you can choose to forget him. You can poof him (Be gone sucka) away. But in order to be successful at marriage, not only do you have to be able to forgive, you have to be able to forgive right now. Your spouse does something wrong. He apologizes. He is not perfect and you are not perfect. Get help if necessary. The moment that you can't forgive is the moment that your relationship stops growing. You cannot do anything without forgiveness. If you cannot forgive, stay single.6. Creativity SkillsIt is marriage. We live together. We see each other every day. It can easily become monotonous. Occasionally, on a Tuesday, or any other regular day, challenge yourself to come up with something fun to do, even if it's only for a few minutes. Play Frisbee, Uno, Two Person Spades, Jenga, Twister. Go on a picnic, a walk, a ride. Take your man to a high school football game. Take your woman to see a play. Enjoy each other's company. Have some freakin' fun!5. Focus SkillsDon't have too much fun. Bring it down a notch. Balance is the key. Learn to focus on the positive characteristics in your spouse. There are some things that you absolutely love about him. There are some things that you may hate about him. The good outweighs the bad or you would not have married him. Focus on the things that brought the two of you together. When you point one finger at your spouse, you point four back at yourself.4. Confidence SkillsYou have to believe that your marriage will never fail and that divorce is not an option. You have to be confident that your spouse loves you as much as you love him. Sometimes he may not show it, so you have to know it, you have to believe it. You both have to be confident beyond a shadow of a doubt that each person will keep all of the promises that they made to you. You cannot be sidetracked or shaken by every bump in the road. The confidence of one spouse could rub off on the other spouse and before you know it, the marriage is back on track.3. Learning SkillsAt some point in the marriage we think we know our spouse, but then they change and grow. She is not the same woman she was when she was 28. He is not the same man he was when he was 32. This is not a reason to get a divorce. You should always be willing to learn and re-learn your spouse. Everything else in life changes and evolves, why can't your spouse? If you are not willing to re-learn the person that you are married to, they should not have married you (Meaning that you are not qualified for marriage)!2. Perception SkillsI'm not talking about your perception skills. I am talking about you taking notice of the way in which the world perceives you. Look married! The perception that I always want to give off is that I am a happily married man. It is important to me that I make my wife look good. It is important to me that my wife makes me look good. I am not talking about fake, smiling in yo face folks, that doesn't count. My wife and I work on things at home so that when we are on the road, it is easy to look and be what we are. If I look or act like I am not married, sooner or later that is going to catch up with me. This is not something that you want to turn on and off. You should always be in touch with what you look like to other people.1. Fighting SkillsSome days you don't feel like all that stuff above. But when you fight, fight fair. Fight with a purpose. Make sure that you are fighting for something. Fights are not long. Not hours. Fighting for hours is played out. Make your point or your 2-3 points and keep it moving. Your spouse may not agree, but he hears you, and if he loves you, he will do what he can to make you happy. If you fight dirty, I am not doing whatever it is that you want me to do and that's on GP. If you come at me with a smidget of bass in your voice, but you are respectful and you are right, I might ride with you. But if I am wrong and you come at me sideways, whatever I did to tick you off, I am going to do that again.The Last WordOn Black Marriage Day, March 28th, forward this article to your married friends and wish them well! If you are not married, take this list and grade yourself. Are you ready for marriage? Steven James Dixon is the author of the sure fire conversation starter "Men Don't Heal, We Ho," a book about the emotional instability in men. Today, he co-hosts the "Adult Conversation" on the Doug Banks Show at 2 p.m. CT. You can also catch him talking with Twanda Black, host of "Business in the Black," this Sunday March 28th at 6 .a.m on KISS 104.1 FM in Atlanta. You can listen online at kiss1041fm.com Read More: 10 Ways To Go From Girlfriend to WifeWhat To Look For In A Man, Part IWhat To Look For In A Man, Part II Here's what you had to say: Danielle Ojeabulu commented: "I've been married for four years now and I must say that the sooner I realized that it is not all about me, the better things became. Marriage is a lot of work and whatever I sow into it, I am blessed to reap. We have vowed to be married for life and that settles it."
Read Steven James Dixon's second installment of What To Look For In A Man. Dixon is a relationships expert and tell-it-like-it-is author of "Men Don't Heal, We Ho: A Book About The Emotional Instability of Men." A few good men recently popped the question to their girlfriends with the help of ESSENCE. Which one is your favorite? Read More: Steven James Dixon's "What To Look For In A Man, Part I"Steven James Dixon's "10 Ways to Go From Girlfriend to Wife"9 Reasons Why "Wife" Is Better Than "Wifey"
With Valentine's Day around the corner, we've got love on the brain more than usual. If you're single, you may be thinking about figuring out how to be coupled up by this time next year. Steven James Dixon, relationships expert and author of "Men Don't Heal, We Ho: a Book About the Emotional Instability of Men," says to find the right guy, you've got to change what you're focusing on. Here are five of his ten things to look for in a man. (Be patient, there's more tomorrow.) A few good men recently popped the question to their girlfriends with the help of ESSENCE. Which one is your favorite? Read More: Read Steven James Dixon's 10 Ways to Go From Girlfriend to Wife. Find out why "Wife" is better than Wifey.
When it comes to sealing the deal--from girlfriend to wife, more often than not there really is no one prescriptive formula. How to handle a man who won't put a ring on it is a drama most women would rather watch on television than live through themselves. Author Steven James Dixon--whose book "Men Don't Heal, We Ho," instructs single women to "Show Him Your Woman"--says it's a known fact that men are generally slower to commit. They may not know what they want just yet and may need a little more time to figure out how compatible you really are. In the meantime, showing him the real woman in you is a recipe for success. "Too often women are more concerned with how to get a man then they are concerned with how to be a woman," he says. Here are Dixon's ten tips to get you on the express from girlfriend to wife. You'll laugh, you'll cringe, and you might even relate.