• Celebrity
    • OTE – Screen Kings
    • Daniel Kaluuya Digital Cover
    • Digital Cover Method Man
    • Digital Cover Zazie
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
    • If Not For My Girls
  • Fashion
    • ESSENCE Fashion House 2022
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Best In Black Beauty 2023
    • ESSENCE Hair Awards 2022
    • AVEENO Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weave
    • 4C
  • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • Black History Month
    • ESSENCE Gift Guide 2022
    • ESSENCE + smartwater Live Well Challenge
    • Build Your Legacy 2022
    • Dream & Plan with Confidence Prudential
    • AMEX Platinum Travel
    • Homecoming Season 2022
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
  • News
    • Latest News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Video
  • Festival
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2022 Fest Videos
  • Events
    • 2023 Wellness House
    • 2023 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2023 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Girls United Summit
    • 2022 ESSENCE Fashion House
    • 2022 Homecoming Season
    • She Got Now
    • Dear Black Men
    • I Am Speaking
    • Power Tools
  • Studios
  • Girls United

WHERE BLACK CULTURE, COMMUNITY AND CONSCIOUSNESS MEET

Sign up for ESSENCE Newsletters the keep the Black women at the forefront of conversation.

Your email is required.
Your email is in invalid format.
Confirm email is required.
Email did not match.
Select the newsletters you'd like to receive:
Please select at least one option.
By clicking Subscribe Now, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.
Skip to content
SUBSCRIBE
  • MAGAZINE
  • NEWSLETTER
  • Celebrity
    • OTE – Screen Kings
    • Daniel Kaluuya Digital Cover
    • Digital Cover Method Man
    • Digital Cover Zazie
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
      • The State Of R&B
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
    • If Not For My Girls
  • Fashion
    • ESSENCE Fashion House 2022
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Best In Black Beauty 2023
    • ESSENCE Hair Awards 2022
    • AVEENO Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weave
    • 4C
  • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • Black History Month
    • ESSENCE Gift Guide 2022
    • ESSENCE + smartwater Live Well Challenge
    • Build Your Legacy 2022
    • Dream & Plan with Confidence Prudential
    • AMEX Platinum Travel
    • Homecoming Season 2022
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
  • News
    • Latest News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Video
  • Festival
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2022 Fest Videos
  • Events
    • 2023 Wellness House
    • 2023 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2023 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Girls United Summit
    • 2022 ESSENCE Fashion House
    • 2022 Homecoming Season
    • She Got Now
    • Dear Black Men
    • I Am Speaking
    • Power Tools
  • Studios
  • Girls United
Home · Lifestyle

Protecting Your Mental Health When Caring For A Loved One With A Mental Illness

Therapist Weena Cullins shares ways to protect your peace and maintain boundaries when providing support and care for a loved one.
Protecting Your Mental Health When Caring For A Loved One With A Mental Illness
Atlas Studio/iStock/Getty Images
By Elizabeth Ayoola · Updated May 16, 2022

Very few people want to see someone they love drowning. Sometimes in a bid to save them, you give up your life jacket and end up drowning yourself. This is something you may relate with if you support a loved one who struggles with mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder or anything else that makes day-to-day living difficult. In the United States, nearly one in five adults lives with a mental illness according to the National Institute of Mental Health. 

If you are someone offering your support, prioritizing yourself may feel selfish, but it’s actually a way to better care for your loved one. You are allowed to have boundaries, say no, and do things that exclusively make you happy. 

How can you go about doing this, especially when you struggle to put yourself first? Weena Cullins, licensed clinical and marriage therapist and owner of Weena Cullins and Associates says start by managing your expectations when caring for a loved one with a mental illness. 

“Depending on the condition, when your loved one has an episode, it’s important to remember that they’re really not themselves, so to [expect] them to speak, think or behave like they might on a day when their symptoms are not present, may not be realistic or healthy for you,” she says. 

For example, if your loved one is usually kind and thoughtful, don’t expect them to always be that way. By doing this on days when they’re cold and dismissive, you may take it less personally. 

Cullins also suggests building a community of people who have shared experiences with you. Connecting with others in similar circumstances can provide you with the support you need to face the highs and lows of being there for your loved one. 

“Once you’ve learned that your loved one has the mental illness, that support is invaluable to helping you know what to expect and to being a safe space for you to vent, to get tips, and plot out your next steps so that you can maintain some level of control over your life while you assist your loved one,” she says. 

If you’re wondering where you can find such communities, Facebook can be a good place to start. There are mental health caregiver support groups and more generalized caregiver communities as well. The National Alliance on Mental Illness is another resource that provides a network of family support groups. You can use their website to find one close to you.   

Aside from building a community of people who can relate to your experiences, Cullins says you should build another circle of people that has nothing to do with mental illness and caregiving.

“When at all possible, you need to be able to take off that caregiver hat and put some really healthy boundaries between that role and you, so that you have some level of balance and respite from what could be a very intense and ongoing job,” she says.

The first boundary you should set is with yourself, especially if you have what she calls a “savior complex“—when you feel the need to save others and sacrifice your own needs in the process.

“It’s not something that comes easily for a lot of people, depending on their upbringing, background, or their experiences,” she says. “But caregivers who wholeheartedly take to the task and don’t make space for themselves have to unlearn that role.”  

The approach to learning to put yourself first is two-fold: one includes prioritizing doing everyday things that cater to your likes and needs and the other requires doing internal work. Examples of the former include indulging in mundane things like binge-watching TV, sleeping, or eating your favorite foods, according to Cullins.

The internal aspect requires you to accept your limitations without being critical towards yourself. 

“I think it really revolves around knowing that you’re enough, typically in that moment, and when you’re not enough, giving yourself that grace and allowing yourself to not be okay when it becomes overwhelming,” she advises.

In instances when you are overwhelmed, at the end of your rope, or feel like the relationship with your loved one is becoming toxic, Cullins recommends seeking professional help, whether from a clergy member or therapist. 

“When you’re too far into the eye of the storm, it’s really important,” she says. “When you’re dealing with a person who has a mental illness for a long period of time, sometimes you may not even be able to see when the lines are becoming blurred.”

Finally, she reminds caregivers to remember that your loved one’s care and livelihood doesn’t begin and end with you. 

“It’s not humanly possible to be everything for another person,” Cullins says. “And it’s very tempting at times to try to be, especially if you care deeply for the person.”

TOPICS:  black mental health mental health awareness month self care wellness health
COMPANY INFORMATION
  • Our Company
  • Customer Service
  • Essence Ventures
  • Change Your Address
  • Contact Us
  • Job Opportunities
  • Internships
  • Media Kit
  • tag
SUBSCRIBE
  • Newsletters
  • Give a Gift of ESSENCE
  • Magazine Tablet Edition
FOLLOW US
MORE ON ESSENCE
  • Home
  • Love
  • Celebrity
  • Beauty
  • Hair
  • Fashion
  • ESSENCE festival

ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc.

Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice.

©2023 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms

Get The ESSENCE Newsletter and
Special Offers delivered to your inbox

By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Get The ESSENCE Magazine
by subscribing below
subscribe now