You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Hi Dr. Sherry,
I really hope you can help me. I am emailing you because of my family situation and I desparately need advice on what to do. My mother is still with her boyfriend who was convicted of molesting me and had to register as a sex offender.
For so many years I have been made to feel like it was my fault or I did something to invite the molestation and repeated rape that I endured from the age of nine to the age of 12. Once I worked up enough courage to tell my mother, she immediately told me that I was lying and she was going to confront him about it. When she asked him about the allegations he quickly admitted that he was sexually abusing me but he said that I asked for it.
My mother made me keep it a secret and allowed him to stay around so he lived in our home and continued to rape me. I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone so I confided in a friend that I was being abused by my mom’s boyfriend. Her mother reported it and he went to jail for 5 years with my mother supporting him the entire time. Because of his conviction, I ended up in foster care.
I have an older sister but I don’t have a good relationship her with because she believes that I deserve what happened to me. She thinks I wanted my mother’s boyfriend to do those things to me. While he abused me, she would lie awake as it was happening and laugh.
After cutting off my mother and my sister I struggled daily with feeling guilty about it. Now as an adult, I have re-established a relationship with my mom because I’ve just wanted my mother’s love in my life even though she’s always mistreated me. I just wanted to know if I did the right thing. I want to be the best mother and wife I can be and haven’t been that because I’ve been carrying a weight with me.
What should I do?
Hi there sis,
You survived and endured hideous abuse and a crime. If no one has told you, you being sexually abused is not your fault and you did not deserve it. Without question, your mother and sister are cruel and sick. I am surprised that your mother was not arrested and placed in her own personal jail cell. Her knowing that you were being sexually abused and not reporting it and protecting you is a crime. The fact that she also supported him while he was incarcerated says more about her than about you.
Unfortunately, you did not have your mother’s love as a child and will not as an adult. This is all about her and nothing to do with you. There is absolutely nothing you could do to receive the love you desire and need from your mother. Your mother does not have love to give. I highly recommend that you seek individual therapy to process your emotional pain and unresolved issues.
Being sexually abused is what happened to you but it is not what defines you. Do not allow the events of your past define who you are or will become. You have an opportunity to have a positive life as a wife and mother. It is time to see your sister and mother for who they really are and move on with your life. –Dr. Sherry
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