You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Quick overview, I have been married for 20 years. My husband was a drug addict I found out after we got married.
I cheated and I took responsibility for that. We split, he had a life and I had mine. We decided to give it another try and now back we are back together. But in this year and a half since we’ve given our relationship another try, he has made me aware that I have gained a lot of weight.
Also, he has not touched me in any way. A kiss, a hug, snuggling, no intimacy at all. So, I have been trying to lose weight and fix myself up. I feel as if I am never going to get him to want me again.
What can I do? He will never go to therapy. Menopause and depression are not helping me either.
There is a reason that you and your husband split up, but what is the reason for the reconciliation? After a year and a half of being apart, there is no indication of what is bringing you back together. Although your husband has talked about your weight and does not appear to be attracted to you, you have made his issues your issues. You have tried to make changes to make him want you. The changes may indeed be warranted but if you were making them for him rather than for yourself, you are doing it for all the wrong reasons. This places the issues back in your lap. Why do you want to be with someone who does show any indication that he wants to be with you? This is related to your self-esteem among other things. I recommend that you seek individual therapy to process your feelings and prepare to make some decisions about your life. If you want more in a relationship, why settle for less. —Dr. Sherry
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