How far would you go to please your partner and diversify things in the bedroom sexually? You might’ve been with your partner for several years now, so naturally, you know the ins and outs of their body, are locked in certain sexual positions, and have a pretty comfortable sex routine. While there’s nothing wrong with that, maybe it’s time to venture out of your comfort zone if your partner is also ready for a change. Pegging, anal sex, and utilizing strap-ons during intercourse may seem taboo and daunting at first, but it’s been proven that most people enjoy a bit of back-door action behind closed doors. According to a study conducted by the CDC, about 43% of men and 36% of women reported engaging in heterosexual anal sex. Yes, heterosexual men can enjoy receiving anal play. The male prostate is about two inches before the rectum, and some men find prostate stimulation pleasurable.
Whatever you’re into and are willing to try, it’s essential to be completely transparent with your partner to ensure that you’re on the same page, especially if you wish to venture into an unknown sexual abyss. You may feel nervous and uncomfortable while broaching the topic, like most new things. Those feelings are natural, so try not to let them tamper with your pressing sexual desires. Feeling “ready” is usually associated with comfort; you may never feel comfortable experiencing something you’ve never had. Anal play, in general, including utilizing strap-ons and pegging, can be pleasurable for many people but requires care and constant communication.
As a licensed sex therapist, Nikquan Lewis sees many individuals and couples who want to explore their sexual desires, including pegging, anal play, and utilizing strap-ons. Still, they may have some fear, which is natural, especially if it’s a new sexual act for them. “Great sex, in general, requires effective communication and self-awareness, which leads to insight, building trust, healthy boundaries, patience, and vulnerability to assist you with identifying your sexual desires and interests. When engaging in anal sex, you should use a safe word and agree on when to stop, switch something up, or continue. Safer sex practices, positions, prepping your body by using the bathroom before and showering,” Lewis says to ESSENCE.
She continues, “I encourage people to focus more on sexual health education, which will help them to understand what you’re signing up for.”
She believes it’s important to understand what anal sex can entail: oral stimulation, manual stimulation, or enjoying toys, anal beads, vibrators, butt plugs, and external items, and personalize it based on your and your partner’s pleasure. “This is a great way to engage in anal play if interested, as you can start with external play with fingers/ mouth and build based on your pleasure. If engaging in manual stimulation or using anything external (toys, beads, plugs), please use lubrication,” she shares.
Or, one may want to incorporate strap-ons with their anal play when they have educated themselves on the act and discussed their needs, wants, and desires with their partner. Still, Lewis recommends starting slow, communicating, and building your anal play with pleasure, consent, and safety leading the way.
Pegging:
The term refers to a sexual practice in which a woman performs anal sex on a man using a strap-on dildo.
Lewis says, “To engage in pegging, you must first understand what it is. This act typically refers to a woman wearing a strap-on and penetrating a man anally. This technique requires patience, trust, effective communication with your play partner, lubrication, and starting slow. It could also help to start with oral or manual anal play using fingers, then anal beads and working your way up to a strap-on and dildo. Take your time.”
After thoroughly educating yourself and your partner about the technique, it may be time to make a well-informed decision about moving forward by asking pointed questions. Lewis suggests the following: “What do they like? What do they think they may like or what sounds interesting? What might they want to try? Do they feel safe, secure, and respected with their play partner? Is their communication effective? Especially around what you desire and enjoy. Boundaries clear?”
Asking yourself these questions leads to self-awareness and insight, increasing chances for safety, respect, pleasure, and a good time. These answers will assist one with identifying if they may want to explore anal play and, if so if they are willing to engage.
Breanna Lewis, a sexual educator, agrees that the anus deserves some pleasure too, and it shouldn’t only include penis or strap-on penetration. “Generally speaking, anal sex means penis inside the anus penetration; however, your partner can use their fingers, sex toys, or tongues can also be used for anal pleasure,” she says.
Lewis suggests using the term anal play. “The anus contains many nerve endings, so it’s susceptible to sexual stimulation and can be an erogenous zone for some. Some people enjoy anal play, while others don’t, and that’s okay!” she continues.
If you and your partner are interested in trying something new in the bedroom, here are some tips from Lewis to get started to make anal play more pleasurable:
Communication and consent are essential. Anal play is not for everyone, so it’s important to ask for informed consent before engaging in any anal play activity. Continue communicating and checking in with your partner during intercourse to create a pleasurable experience. You can also consider making safe words for everyone’s comfort.
Preparation is key. Preparation starts with your mindset; prepare your mind for the realities of anal play, including the fact that there may be feces. Consider using an enema to help clean the rectum, which lessens the chances of seeing it, and you can also put a towel down. Preparation also includes anal-safe lubrication (water or silicone). Remember, the wetter, the better to prevent friction, tears, and discomfort! Oh, and don’t forget you can use condoms to keep things safe, too.
Consider different ways to explore the anus. Anal play can include the following:
- Fingers (clipped nails are preferred)
- Anal plugs
- Anal beads
- DIldos
- Vibrators
- Rimming
- Pegging
*Use anal-safe toys (with flared base) to avoid them getting stuck in the rectum, and always clean toys/ change condoms when switching between anal and vaginal penetration.
Now it’s time to relax and enjoy. Choose a comfortable position to relax the anal sphincter (ex: spooning, riding), and start slow. Massage and stimulate the anus with lube and start with a finger or small toy. Don’t forget to check in with your partner consistently before, during, and after entering the anus.
Now, after considering all the tips above, you are ready to engage in anal play. Your (or your partner’s) readiness may look different, so take the time to explore and experiment at your own pace. Communication, education, and preparation are critical to a safe and pleasurable experience for all involved.