Although gaslighting is an insidious tactic and form of manipulation, too often, people consider aggressive behaviors, like addressing conflict directly, as gaslighting. However, addressing conflict in interpersonal relationships shouldn’t be confused with gaslighting. Victims of gaslighting tend to question their reality as they are fed false information that leads them to ask what they know to be accurate, often about themselves.
Conflict resolution intentionally addresses a dispute by addressing each side’s interests. To resolve conflict in your relationships, you should listen to both sides, understand perspectives, and acknowledge emotions. The point of conflict resolution is to encourage open dialogue, find common ground, and work together to establish a beneficial solution for all parties.
According to Dominique Mortier, an associate therapist at Bloom Psychology & Wellness, conflict isn’t bad if it inspires growth with harmony at the top of your mind. “Conflict is not inherently harmful and can be an opportunity for growth in a relationship,” she states. Mortier continues, “However, it can become unhealthy when one person attempts to shift the power dynamic through gaslighting. Gaslighting has become a popular term that is used often but sometimes in the wrong context.”
Here are some behaviors that are invalidating and cause harm; however, they may not be gaslighting, such as:
Disagreeing: Disagreeing with someone else’s perspective. You may disagree with someone’s interpretation of a situation, but you are not denying that it may be true for them. You can agree to disagree.
Asking for clarification: Asking for facts that support their belief. Being curious can increase our understanding, but it does not mean we are doubting someone’s reality.
Providing solutions: Providing simple solutions to complex feelings or problems. For example, responding to someone restricting eating with, “Just eat.” This invalidates how challenging this experience is, but it does not deny that the problem exists.
Avoidance: Ignoring or giving someone the ‘silent’ treatment is commonly referred to as stonewalling. Responding in this way denies the other person the opportunity to receive feedback, not their experience.
A strong point of view: Having a point of view means feeling strongly about your opinion and rejecting another person’s point of view. We are allowed to have our perspectives and not have to accept someone else’s when we disagree.