Danni Adams, a body image coach, walked down the aisle solo back in April. The 30-year-old didn’t wait for a partner to say, “I do.” She invited friends and family to watch her get married to herself and shared clips of the day with her followers on Instagram.
“Getting married to myself at 30 years old was the most beautiful commitment that I’ve made to myself. It was a commitment to continue to grow and heal. A commitment to center my feelings,” she wrote in an Instagram caption.
“I love me! Everyone always asks will I have to divorce myself to marry a man but the real question is why do I need to lose me in order to be married? If I have to divorce myself for any reason, it’s not for me!” she added.
This isn’t the first person who has married herself. Singer Mya put a dent in the internet when she did it in 2020. Actress Emma Watson also referred to herself as “self-partnered” instead of single, while Lady Gaga once proposed to herself in support of a campaign encouraging people to do away with old traditions and gender roles.
“The idea that a woman can only propose to a man one day every four years is so completely ridiculous!” Gaga said. “Anyone who knows me knows that I believe any person of any gender identity should be able to express any act of love to anyone else on ANY day of ANY year. So in an act of defiance of this outdated tradition, I decided to say yes to MYSELF! And wear this ring today with pride to remind myself and everyone that the only permission you need to love comes from within you.”
While many may think sologamy or marrying yourself is bizarre because it goes against the grain, is it possible that these women are onto something? Maybe.
With the new self-love train taking off, many are trying to learn how to love themselves. Being in union with yourself is probably one of the most effective ways to go about it. You don’t necessarily need to walk down an aisle to achieve that, but I can appreciate the sentiment.
For women, who often complain about putting everyone before themselves, marrying yourself can feel like a way to show the world that you come first. Writing out vows, choosing a dress, and planning a ceremony show a level of commitment to self that most people would mistake for crazy. But if you can do these things with and for someone else, why can’t you do them for yourself too? Why do we draw the line for self-love at mani-pedi days and Instagram-worthy vacations?
The only question I have is similar to the one I ask when any two people get married: What happens after the lavish (or not so lavish) wedding? In this case, what does this ongoing commitment with yourself look like?
I suppose the answer is the same for marriages with a partner—it looks different for everyone. While some may argue that marrying yourself is “narcissistic,” I can’t imagine what bad comes from a woman loving herself more. Women being more committed to themselves and caring for themselves means healthier friendships, children, families, and the list goes on.
This marrying yourself thing also feels like a stance against the self-sacrificing that sometimes happens when women get married to another individual. Yes, marriage requires compromise, but not to the point of self-sacrificing or losing your identity as sis Adams said.
I think a world where women love themselves deeply is a world that’s better for everyone. Even if they need to get married to achieve that. Maybe if more people had loving marriages with themselves first, they’d have a better shot at having a loving marriage with someone else.