“Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.” — Unknown. Our thoughts control our destiny. If you want to gain authority over any part of your life, control what goes in your mind and how you process ideas. This theory applies to all aspects of our being, our love lives included. If yours could use a boost, my 30-Day ‘Love Diet’ challenge can change everything.
Let’s face it. These aren’t helping you do anything but zone out. Worse yet, many reinforce negative behavior. While I know it’s critical for you to know if Kenya Moore will ever get married or the latest on KimYe’s baby, give it a rest for 30 days.
Many of us harbor past hurt and regret. An effective way I’ve managed this is by not pushing these emotions away, but instead harnessing them and moving on as a smarter person. Try writing a letter (you don’t have to send it!) and get out all of your feelings. Or perhaps even writing in a journal. The point is to give yourself a regular outlet for all your emotions, regrets and worries.
Your belief system is everything, so it’s important to train it. Identify an inspirational quote or saying that you repeat to yourself each day. Here’s one of my favorites: “I was born with potential. I was born with goodness and trust. I was born with ideals and dreams. I was born with greatness. I was born with wings, I am not meant to crawl, so I won’t. I have wings, and I will use them and fly.” — Modified from Rumi
Different from a friend, a mentor is a guide and a teacher. There are professionals you can hire but there are also many people in our communities qualified and willing to take this role in your life. Be diligent about your search, look for someone who shares your values and walks their talk.
If you follow my work, you know I’m an advocate for dropping 10 percent or more of ‘friends’ annually, but for the 30-Day Love Diet, we don’t have time to go through those politics. So simply identify whom in your social circle (and family) doesn’t inspire you and hit pause on them for now.
This is the one tactic that has been the most effective in my life. There are an endless number of books to give you the ammunition needed to create change in your life. What’s on my desk at the moment? The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
Select one that works toward your goals. If you’re trying to lose weight, don’t spend the weekend baking cookies. Instead, pump yourself up by going on a walk, playing tennis with a friend or just getting active.
In this amazing TED Talk by social psychologist Amy Cuddy, we learn how “power posing” — standing in a posture of confidence, even when we don’t feel confident — can affect testosterone and cortisol levels in the brain and impact our chances for success. I now hit a power pose daily. Real talk!
Comments, concerns or questions about my advice? Tell me about it below! Paul Carrick Brunson is a 2012 NAACP Image Award nominee and a 2012 iDate Matchmaker & Relationship Coach Of The Year nominee. His bestselling book It’s Complicated (But It Doesn’t Have to Be) is in stores now. Contact him directly on Facebook or Twitter anytime or visit his website.