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All right, the Nate Parker rape case brought a lot of discussion around sexual consent, and Nate has since admitted that he didn't always have a good understanding of the subject, why is there so much confusion around the subject of sexual consent? Why don't men get? I see your face changing over there Norell. Jump on in girl. Well, I think that we all have this confusions about the idea of consent cuz no-one has ever told us or sat us down to have a conversation with. Right. It's not a kitchen table talk if you will. It's not a kitchen table talk, it's not a family talk It's not a conversation that you have with your boyfriend or your girlfriends any of them. And I think that particularly may perficase, I think the same thing I think happen with the Coby Bryant situation Uhmm years ago. I mean there are many instances that we can Conjure up where two people can be in the same room, have the same encounter and walk away having very different experiences about what happen. Yes. Right? And they could both technically be right based on what their examination of the experience was. Legally that is something very different. Right? So I think of the Nate Parker situation, when he was talking to Ebony this summer, and he said very clearly that he has a very different idea about consent now than he had when he was. A young man, mm-hm. A young man and found himself in that situation. That was when he was, I think, being honest, and not in defense mode about what happened, right? But I think that honestly, he thought that because she didn't say anything it was okay. Despite the fact she may have been in shock, or intoxicated? Like we don't know. In shock, intoxicated, not present- Unconscious. Unconscious all kinds of things. Right. And I mean, if there's a question about if you don't say anything, that means it's not cool. [CROSSTALK]. It mean you can't have a dialogue with the person that you're about to have an intimate encounter with. Right. If you don't get a yes assume it's a To know. Yes. Exactly there it is. Yeah i think that when we talk about consent, and it's changed over the years and we have all these examples to use. What i've been telling people is yes there's complexity in consent. We actually did a video here at Essence where we had women to the camera Verbally say words or phrases that mean no but don't necessarily like explicitly mean no, right? And so that's like I wanna go home. Or please don't touch me there, or maybe we should wait. And all those things are saying no. And we have to be able to read between those lines. This is how I break it down for a young man. If she does not give you an affirmative yes, then you cannot have sex with her. If you had sex with her before, and she said yes and then you're on the same room and you wanna have sex the second time, she doesn't say yes then you can't have sex with her. One time doesn't equal two yeses. Yeah, and in the case of like Nate and also. I can't remember. Who was just on trial? Derrick Rose. Yeah. They were in relationships or situationships with these women, and so you assume that it's okay for them to have sex. But let's just be clear about what rape is, right? That's another thing that's very complex. That it's not this violent act that you think of, where someone beats you up behind an alley and rapes Right. Shoot from a movie, right from a movie. Rape is, you can get raped by your husband. Most women are raped by people who are closest to them. So we have to start looking at rape in a different way. And in turn, look at consent in a different way. [BLANK_AUDIO]
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