Show Transcript
Today on Essence Live we are talking all about girlfriends. Your BFF's, frenemies, and when is it okay to choose your man over your friend. Whether you rock with long time besties or just a few acquaintances we've got you covered. We've got some special guests, some drinks, some food, so get your twitter fingers ready because this conversation is going to be good. It's Thursday April 7th and Essence Live starts right now. [MUSIC] Welcome to a very special edition of Essence Live. I'm your host Dana Blair. And you know we love a good discussion here on Essence Live. So if you want to join in and I know you do. Use hashtag #ESSENCELIVE or email us at to give us a little holla holla. Anytime okay. So, today we are getting a little more intimate today in our essence kitchen. This episode is dedicated to that relationship we ladies hold dear to our hearts and sometimes we struggle with it too. Let's be real, it's our relationships with our girlfriend's. Joining me are Journalist Gia Peppers, Author, Comedian and Writer Chloe Hillard. An author and comedienne Von Decarlo. Love and Relationships Editor, Charli Penn. Plus we also have celebrity Chef Jerome J. Maxwell, preparing some tasty treats for use. I know all of you are going to keep it all the way honest, so I just gonna go ahead Of course. and jump right into it What is a frenemie? Can I start with this? [laughter] [crosstalk] I take the floor. A frenemy is somebody that should not be in your inner circle, like if you have a frenemy, someone who is your friend Yet an enemy. Then that says a lot about you if you have a person like that in your circle. We have circle of friends. Like I have a friend that I talk to every day. A friend that I talk to once ever four months. I feel like they my friend for every day but you know you gotta treat them. When distance in between and everybody has a frenemy because what happens you have a friend that you don't even know is your enemy until it hits the fan.>>Mm-hm. And it's too late. That's so true, that's true, but if you do know You're funky. Yeah, yeah, if you know you got it, get it out of there. You don't need to keep your enemies that close. That's what Twitter and Instagram is for. We can keep up with everybody's happenings online. We don't have to have them all up in our business. Yeah. They your friend right, but everything they say and do doesn't match. So it's like they're labeled a friend, but it's like wait. [CROSSTALK] I feel like there's always signs. To me, you have something negative to say. But this is how I split up my friends. If you come to my house and I cook you dinner, then we kiki girlfriends. Mm-hm. But, if I don't let you use my bathroom. Right. Then it's, we're not friends. Wait, wait, wait, wait. [CROSSTALK] Don't get to use your bathroom? [LAUGH] The guest bathroom. [LAUGH] [CROSSTALK] The guest bathroom. Down the road. If someone is not a real friend then they don't need to be in your life. [CROSSTALK] I'm that small town USA with a lot of issues with men and women because my best friend from elementary school grew up all the way through high school, had a baby with my boyfriend [CROSSTALK] who I was with for 4 years. [CROSSTALK] She ain't a frenemy, she's a enemy! Mm. Yeah, so that's all the way frenemy, but the thing is with the frenemy thing- That's not a friend at all! If you don't know that's not your fault. No. But, if you do know and you keep that person in your camp you deserve what you get. You have your best friends who've been riding with you forever. Say, they have a friend and you don't necessarily like them. But are you going to be the person like do not bring her. I will never tell my friend she can't [UNKNOWN]. Because you control the environment. Well yeah it's your birthday. Sometimes for example Jia and are friends. Jia and [UNKNOWN] are friends and Jia is like I feel Dana and Chloe should be friends. Right. And you feel this pressure. Right. To be now your girlfriend's girlfriend's friend. And you're like, I'm not really feeling so and so or vice versa. Exactly. What do you do in those situations? Cuz you're forced to bond and mingle But if me and you are really good kiki girlfriends then she know not to place herself in those [CROSSTALK] Cuz you know girls don't be right. She's not the one. It's always okay to be cool with somebody. You don't have to be BFFs- [CROSSTALK] That's the part about being older. When you're older your friends respect your space but when your younger, it's like, this is my friend, and yeah we can be friends, we gonna be friends and the next thing you know you're fighting in a club and you get kicked out by the bouncer. Right It's too much. As you get older you just become more selective which is a a nice thing. [LAUGH] [CROSSTALK] We just gonna let that go. [CROSSTALK] You never had two different groups of girlfriends meet and it be World War Four? Yeah, I don't talk about it. No. [CROSS-TALK] Now I've always told my friend, like you said your close girlfriends. That's cool if you like Susan or so and so, I don't. I won't be in that space. And if, I do have to be in that space, I need like a bunch of other people in that space, so I don't have to talk to Susan. Yes. You know what I mean? But I think, if you're really good friends, you should be able to have those conversations on one and the other doesn't. And that's something I like about, like you were saying, I think getting older. You also, can just be real, and be honest in that moment. There are no more tag alongs. If you make plans with me, and then you wanna invite three other people, then we don't have plans anymore. [CROSSTALK] And I don't feel bad about that anymore. You shouldn't feel bad about that. I think that also just comes to maturity, I think somebody brought up social media earlier. I think now that we have social media. Cuz I'm always on. [FOREIGN] Yes, but you don't call me. [LAUGH] That's what all my real friends are. Not your real ones girl. [LAUGH] [CROSSTALK] That figures. My followers love me. I think the word friends now is just thrown around. Like yeah that's my friend. You haven't even called them once. I'm so [CROSSTALK] At the grits and biscuits. You only saw him in that one time and then you decided to follow them. You know what I mean? And we have to be selective with our words. So are social media friends, friends? No, not all of them. They're people you know from social media. Only if it goes down in a deal. I don't like that. [CROSSTALK] They're supporters. That's what I like to call it. Yeah. Yeah. I get that. But I'm not going to have you come over to my house. That's my defining line. What if If I had a dinner party and I'm inviting 10 people. Will you be on that list. If your not on that list then you're not my real friend. well I cant wait for you have a party because I'm going to be on that list. She going to make me use the bathroom. [laugh] UUU But I'm also hungry. I want some really good food. UUU Chef Jerome, Yes. How are you today? I'm doing well. You are a real friend. I'm a real friend. [LAUGH]. Now, before we jump into this, because this looks delicious, we need a male's opinion. Do guys have frenemies? You know You all do things a little different. We do, we do. And one of the reasons that we keep our frenemies around is because You really gotta, like you said, you gotta know your enemies. And you gotta keep them close, see how they're moving. And if, But you don't find that draining? You know what, I think it's more draining when you find out that they're gonna double cross you and you don't know. [LAUGH] But, if you know it might happen, you're just watching out for them, you're just watching I agree. out for what may come upon, you know? Do you let them come to your house and use your bathroom. Absolutely not. [LAUGH] See, see, we're with you. Alright, so what did you cook for us today. Alright, so this right here is a vegan Taco. I put a little coslaw in thee, black beans, corn, avocado. I did a little bit of olive oil and a balsamic reduction. Not everybody likes it. Now is this something quick and easy to make? It is. It's very simple. You can do it in a matter of fifteen minutes. Just do your prepping. But besides that. Because you know I'm not a chef. It takes no time at all. [LAUGH] Well you know not everybody is. [LAUGH] All right ladies while we get some plates and we get ready to wrap up, Enjoy. Thanks, thank you so much. [CROSSTALK] All right we have another dish coming up a little bit later. We are about to dig in But we're gonna go take a quick break. When we come back, I wanna talk about girlfriends and boyfriends. How does your man affect your relationship with your girlfriends? But first, are you on your phone as much as I am? That was a little control room shade in there. Well, we asked our just saying crew to decode common text and lingo, and emojis. And the results of course, are hilarious. Check it out. [MUSIC] Most of the time they're lying. The number one, lie. Lie. Lies. Sure it did, so did mine. 2016. Everybody has a charger. People have personal chargers. They're always on the train if you look hard enough. So when it's dead so are you. I'm guilty of it too. I use it all the time. I use it Real talk I think it's great. Like are you ignoring me? I don't want to assume that you're trying to ice me out. If it's an hour okay your busy. Four hours you've ended the friendship. [UNKNOWN] eyes. [SOUND] What you doing? They faded me, they played. I definitely have my read receipts on. And I definitely Definitely read messages and don't respond. That's me. Like if you're not going to answer people why do you have that on then? It is because I don't care. I am petty i want you to know that i saw your message and I care nothing about what you said, it's not important. I have better things to do then respond. It's overused. I'm not even really laughing. I'm just trying to make you stop texting me. You can say something very serious and then put LOL at the end. And then it's like hey, I was just joking. Yo, those Jordans, I had those Jordans when I was six, LOL. My God, your hair looks so ugly, LOL. [UNKNOWN] for your whole life, but it's fun. [LAUGH] K is so deep. That's like attitude. One K, that's it? Like really? Couldn't give me okay? Couldn't just use the rest of your fingers to spell out the word? Add more to your vocabulary. [LAUGH] If I send it, I'm being petty. Trust me, I am being petty. [LAUGH] K, that's all you get, you only get one letter, K. [SOUND] I'd probably correct their spelling. You didn't save my number. You didn't save my number! They want you to think they deleted your number because You're not relevant anymore. Who are you? I don't care. Like you try to make me feel some type of way. And if I had a heart, I would, but I keep going. I'd be like wait, Who this? [MUSIC] Welcome back to a special edition of Essence Live. I am your host, Dana Blair, and today we're talking all about girlfriends with our special guest Guest Gia Peppers, Chloe Hilliard, Von Decarlo, and Charlie Penn. Plus, celebrity chef Jerome J. Maxwell is also here, and I can't wait to taste his next dish because this taco is the bomb! Okay. Always get excited about food. All right. So, our next subject. Your girlfriends and your man. How much do you let your girlfriend infiltrate your relationship. First, I wanna start off with, you meet a guy. Mm-hm. And hear like violence. You're in love or may not in love but you're like you're in lust, you know those heavenly moments if you will when you're first dating someone. Got it. Do you disappear off the face of the map from your girlfriends? No, no. You don't have to disappear off the face of the map, but she is not infiltrating my situation at all. [LAUGH] Okay? Not even slightly. What, you gotta find a balance? Are you kind of like, girl, I'm gonna come back to you. I know where you live. I gotta find out where you live. Exactly girl I'm not building up with you, we already got something built. Move, move. [LAUGH] I mean you get a pass if you choose to do that. They're real friends if they know your going to disappear Right. For awhile. You know I think. They should hit it. I mean its expecting, there not trying to infiltrate the situation. And I always joke that my best friend is my longest relationship. So she's gonna be there, so yeah I'm gonna go be happy, real happy and stay in bed all day and whatever. [UNKNOWN] All of it, because when I call her she's still gonna answer. She's a real friend, she's not even gonna be upset about that. [UNKNOWN] And if she's not If she's not, if she is trying to infiltrate, she thought he was cute too with her violins when she saw him. I got my eye on you girl. [CROSSTALK] What would you do if you're dating a guy, you're in a relationship, I'm just going to throw a number out there, like six, seven months or whatever. And So, so, decent, things are well, but he comes to you one day and he says, you know what? So and so. Your close girlfriend, she did something. I think she's a little sketchy. Or I don't really trust her. And your man doesn't like your girlfriend and this could be, like, your solid, ride or die. Frenemy whatever, girlfriend, what do you do? I just keep them apart from each other. I'm not gonna force them on each other. I think what happens is we wanna have a perfect world. We want our best friend to get along with our man and vice versa. Mm-hm. But I just know that if he isn't as fond of her, I'm not gonna bring her up in conversations. I'm still gonna let him know this is my friendship and I love. [CROSSTALK] Yeah. I'm getting to love you. I don't love you yet cuz it's only six, seven months. Mm-hm. But this is my best friend, and she's been with me through many men. Don't ask me how many, cuz I'm never going to tell you. [LAUGH] But. I just have that 50 Cent song, Many Men. [INAUDIBLE] But this is my friend, and I respect Respect you enough to not bring her around, and I hope you respect me and learn to love me enough to not make me choose. Yes. So when you get with someone who makes you choose, they're selfish. Right. And if you have a girlfriend who makes you choose over a man, she's not really a girlfriend. And if a boyfriend does the same thing I think it's bad. And also, you should know not to tell each other, like the other person, a lot about the other person because they hold it as ammunition. My husband and I have been together 12 years, married 5. They didn't love him at first. He didn't love them at first. And that was okay with me. I only ask that they be respectful. There were a couple of moments where I was like, my God. They make me have to choose? And I didn't want to. And I didn't like that feeling, but now that I'm looking back 12 years later- You're talking about you had to choose after you were married? No, no. Just with him. There was a little tug of war at first, but what I realized is Because, over time they both want to see me happy and then now they love each other. You know what I mean? So, I was going to suggest maybe riding it out and maybe keeping the space. You know as you said it was a little tense at first. But, that's a mature thing like if you don't have that level of maturity Maturity, it's always going to be a tug of war unless people are selfless and most people aren't. And then you see who your real friends are and how much that person cares for you because if your man wants you to have good friends that you've known since you were five he's going to be like alright, I don't like shorty. but, all right, I'll be here she came and didn't know where bathroom at the house no bathroom show is your man like that too? you don't like I don't have a man Me neither, I don't lI talk about that particular aspect in my book cause I was in my relationship when my fiance for ten years before he passed away and one other thing that made our relationship Worked so well was that we had this separate but together thing. Like just because you are together and married does not mean. People take that we are now as one a little bit too technically. Right, right. You still have to have your separate things going on, your friends, have your space. Even have a separate room your panties you don't have to have your stuff in the same drawers stuffed So when you do this separate but together does this apply to girls dress, he still take girl dress with the girls. I got in trouble with that. Don't ask me. I could have I mean but he is gone now, God bless the soul, but if he was here and I was like hey, we are all going to blah blah blah, he would be like And what about the guys' trips. Cuz guys trips and girls can be a little [UNKNOWN]. That's a great question. I like to think I'm a forward thinking woman right. And I would like to have a girls' trip as long as I've already planned a couple's trip with my boo. So you taken care of. I want to do a little four day weekend trip. Somewhere not too far. If I'm going to Paris with my girlfriends I'm going with you to Cancun. Problem. Right. Like we need to flip that. [LAUGH] I need to go with you somewhere really romantic and I'll take this chick to Arizona and call ti day. [LAUGH] [CROSSTALK] Now Gia, what are you thinking because you seem confused? [CROSSTALK] Because, so, my parents have been together for 26 years. Mm hm. So obviously now they're at the place where my dad will be like all right, I'll be back next weekend. [SOUND] We're here. Okay. But like I was thinking as a young woman. Like I don't know if my man, i would be like where are you going like face timing like what are you doing. [CROSSTALK] But, on the flip side I would be like I need my space, so again that's something I would have to learn. My future man, universe you hear me [CROSSTALK] [LAUGH] he can go wherever he wants as long as it's not Brazil. Boom. [CROSSTALK] Please. [LAUGH] [CROSSTALK] Brazil is a fabulous place. I'm going to Brazil WITH my man. [CROSSTALK] We will be right back with more of our Essence live conversation on girlfriends and frenemies. [CROSSTALK] Black girl magic means to me the support of one another. The support, the respect, the admiration, the elegance, the gracefulness, the honesty, and really supporting of one another. It's very important. I've been very, very lucky to say that I have experienced that black girl magic in my life. I'm blessed to have been brought in under her wing, and so I think you have to try and give that back. The best is being with my colleagues, walking down the runway together unified. Why do I think fashion still has a problem with diversity, I think it's just more about educating one's mind. And being open, and not having a color code and just picking a girl because she's beautiful. My books are the beginning of the legacy that I want to leave behind. I'm very open and candid about most things about myself. I don't believe And Ben decides there's no reason to be, it always comes out anyway when you're [UNKNOWN] so why. Working hard is what my family's about, my family [UNKNOWN] family that worked very hard. My mother's [UNKNOWN] that is not working on her books. And I don't make excuses for things, I just try and find out the way to get what I want, how I want. [LAUGH] [MUSIC] you are watching a special edition of Essence Live, dedicated to our special and intricate relationships we have with our girlfriends. I'm your host, Dana Blair. And I am joined by journalist [UNKNOWN] [UNKNOWN], comedian Chloe [UNKNOWN], author comedian Vonda [UNKNOWN] and's Charlie Penn. We're eating delicious veggie tacos from celebrity Chef Jerome [UNKNOWN] Maxwell. Thank you Jerome. I see you preparing a little something something extra back there. We're just gonna keep eating, keep drinking and keep spilling the tea. Now we spoke a little bit earlier about frenemies. and as well as letting your man come in between your relationship with your girlfriends and vice versa but now we're going to talk about how to end those unhealthy girlfriend friendships. Where do you begin? How do you let go? Do you just ghost them? Do you have a conversation? Text them a straight-faced emoji and say bye. Not the straight-faced It's Hank It's tough being Bomb's friend Right You could use my bathroom at least [SOUND] I think it depends on how long you've been friends Yes If I'm being really honest. Because, you know, even a really old friend, you know it's over that's uncomfortable, so, you know, I would be like by girl. But, you do want to kind of rip the Band-Aid, though, like you don't want to drag it out. I think I would just say, you know, we're going apart, right girl? [LAUGH] Usually the feeling is mutual. Right. Usually, yeah. Usually, it's like, you're not calling me either. You know I'm not calling you, you're not calling me. It's not awkward, and we both know it. Me and a very good childhood friend of mine, we've been friends since the sixth grade. I wasn't really speaking to her, and she wasn't speaking to me. And my boyfriend at the time, was just like, you know what Dana, y'all been friends since the sixth grade. Honor the relationship. And pick up the damn phone and just call her. You could say your peace. You know you don't gotta get all [SOUND] .You say your peace. She could say her peace and you can just give it that reverence that it deserves. But if it's just some chick I met ten minutes ago on the b train. Closure is always Good. [CROSSTALK] I was joking about the email. Well we know boss. Sort of. [CROSSTALK] Like give some closure to the phone conversation or the text conversation. Whatever it is, whatever you're comfortable with with that person. Whatever you're used to doing And if it ends in a straight face emoji, or a angry face or one of these, then it just is. How do you know it's time, like how do you know when it's time to say you know what, so and so's just not serving me in my life anymore. I think if you've tried several times to work something out if there's some type of conflict and you keep butting heads, and you just see that it's not going anywhere, and you're. Spinning in circles. Mm hm. And it's time to move on, like you said. Right. We've grown apart for whatever reason, then that's when you know. Exactly. Then you just move on. I agree cuz I had a friend in college that we were actually like super cool. Mm hm. Again, you're only in college for like four years, so we weren't like long time friends but we immediately clicked. Found out we was dating the same guy though. And, she, She kinda like lied about it. And so She knew before you. She knew. And I told her, I said girl, boy's hitting me up. We gonna use the [UNKNOWN]. She didn't say anything because she was ashamed. That she was dating him. What? He just put you on blast. I didn't know he was a [UNKNOWN] until. Okay. And things happened. But either way, our friendship was damaged a lot because when I found out she was dating him four months, and I said girl but you could have just told me. Right. And that would have been deaded. So we ended up just kind of like, she kept kind of coming for me, little things, we were like, let's try and be friends. And then she'd be like, you're loud, and I'd be like, you're gonna go. So right. And then now, we're not really [CROSSTALK] That's a lot deeper, like sometimes it's a little more surface like, I'm married now, you still turn up. Let's not do this. And that's understandable. [CROSSTALK] If you have a different, if you have different lifestyles I think that you can just kinda let it, fade way like the whole meme into the bushes like that. [LAUGH] But if you have a conflict at that moment I'm gonna tell you I'm not messing with you. Right. I need my. Space and just respect it. Right. And come back and come back. But I think you have a lifestyle change, you can just not really say our friendship is over, cuz it doesn't have to be over, it's just it's changed. Yeah. [CROSSTALK] She might get married and now you are a couple friend. And you can understand, cuz I've had two friendships and one where I told her look I'm not messing with you and I literally saw her and didn't talk to her and she didn't even think that I was for for real and it's been. I haven't talked to them since. Until that moment. And another one was someone stopped talking to me and I was like I'm just going to give them their space. And then, we reached out to each other maybe a couple of months later, and she told me all these things that she didn't like in our friendship that I didn't even realize. And when I heard her side I was like I can see how you felt that way, but you should've communicated. Right. If we're friends you should've told me I didn't like how you did this at this point [INAUDIBLE] And so we're cool now. I mean, we still have distance between us, but we're cool. But I appreciate the fact that didn't get in my emotions and be like, well if she ain't calling me I ain't calling her. That's important. Right. I had a Roommate once that kept a diary. [CROSSTALK] Mm. Of reasons why I hate Yvonne Digardlo Brown. And I was like. Did you find it? No, I found out when she put all my stuff out on the street. [CROSSTALK] She what? Yes. [CROSSTALK] That's a good way to end up being a statistic because she sounds crazy. It was really like that with a single white female. And I was, it's like my god so deal breaker is this friends crazy people crazy people trying to get with you a man what are the other deal breakers? also ok so this one is more subtle no cause I mean sometimes it's not even that they did anything wrong it's just that you sense say that may be they only even know even know giving for example I realize my schedule is filled with baby showers, with weddings, with birthday parties. And I was thinking about mine. I don't see you supporting me. Like that's another thing a lot of people require a lot of you as an adult. Everything is an event, a moment. Come to my this, come to my Halloween, come to my new year, but then they don't return the favor for you. To me, that doesn't mean you're shady, but that means I don't want to be your friend. It's not a 50/50 partnership, yeah. It's not 50/50 and I'm working at being your friend and you're not working [INAUDIBLE] A big deal breaker for me is if your territorial If you're like you can't be her friend because you're my friend. What do you mean. I had couple of those and I'm just like okay. It's not. [INAUDIBLE] How about [UNKNOWN] friends. It's a time thing for me I feel like If I call you, and I make time to hang out with you and you're still So negative. Like, if I have a friend who I can't; I love her, I know her, but I just can't can't talk to her. bad vibes If you never have a good story, and I haven't talked to you in two months and you have nothing good in your life Yeah Hours I can't a lot of people didn't like that. Are you'll ready to taste a little bit more. Yes. Sure. Please. Chef Tyrone what is our next dish. Look at you with presentation. You're so presentation. So this is what we have, so this is my take on rocchetta. This is a seared Steak, which I [UNKNOWN] the skirt steak, goat cheese, blueberry goat cheese with cucumber, a little bit of olive oil, a balsamic glaze and a touch of tarragon. With a side of Yeah, if I was trying to make this at home it's gonna look this pretty? He's saying the big words. [LAUGH] Yeah, he's like, a touch of tarragon. He could have just said tarragon, but it's a touch of tarragon. Just a touch. Okay, I'm gonna grab me a little something, something. Ladies, please take. Enjoy. Ladies. Please enjoy. Thank you. Pass it along. You welcome. Thank you, all right, so more Essence Live is up next, but first if you missed our Black Women in Hollywood Luncheon you missed out. Here's Yvette Nicole Brown telling our own Yolanda. Sangweni why she refused to be typecast. [MUSIC] So Evette welcome to Essence Black Women in Hollywood. Thank you, I am so excited to be here. I think I was the first person down there. They were putting up pylons and stuff when I drove in. I was like it's here! It's today! I'm so excited! What does it mean to you to be a black woman in Hollywood? I feel like we're kind of the standard bearers, and we're kinda lighting the torch, and that's good and bad because sometimes, we're not allowed to do the types of roles that will really elevate us as a people. And so, sometimes when I'm saying yes to something, I'm like is this gonna set us back? You know what I mean? Cuz there's so, it feels like there's so few opportunities for us to shine in the way that we know that we shine. Cuz we know that we're kings and queens. But, for the most part we're service people on film and in television. We're assistants, we're meter maids, we're nurses. We're the judge, you know, it's changing a little bit and I think that maybe if more people of color get into positions of power it will get even better. But right now my agent calls, and it's like, am I a TSA agent? am I? The attitude. Yeah, attitude is, you don't even have to say that. That is understood that you need to be sassy. The sassy meter maid. The sassy assistant, and I'm tired of it and I want more for our people. So right now, being a person of color in Hollywood, it feels like we have to fly a flag and fight for the fullness of who we are to be shown. What are your assessments? I mean, we've got Cookie and Olivia and Annalise and All these various types of black women on T.V. Yeah. What are your assessments of it? We're doing so much better in T.V. than we are in film. All we've ever wanted is for our fullness to be on display. I will be a meter maid if I can Can be a villain next week. You know, but if all I am is this, then that means that anyone who has never met a person of color will think that that's all we are. Whoever you are, wherever you are in the world, if your story has not been told, it's time. Some good food, some good drink. Of course, good people. My girls, my girls are here. But before I let you go, I wanna do something fun with each and every one of you. Kind of had to put you all on the spot. I'm gonna give you a phrase, and I want you to fill in the blank. And, feel free, everyone has to go. You can jump right in when you have your, your word. Real friends, don't let friends, Text drunk Yeah, text drunk Taking that phone, baby Charlie? Stay too long. The party, the relationship, whatever The hairstyle Everything, the look. Too long, don't let it linger I like that. Let me write that one down Real friends don't let, how does it go? Real friends don't let friends not use the bathroom. [LAUGH] [CROSSTALK] She's not gonna let that bathroom go. [CROSSTALK] It's a real thing. Gia, what are your thoughts? I think real friends, if we're talking social media, real friends don't let friends get on Instagram, Facebook and/or Twitter when they are upset. About relationships, jobs, or anything that can change your lives. No Kanye. No Kanye. No Chris Brown. [INAUDIBLE] you said it girl. Okay. What would you want your friends to tell you though. Can you friends be that honest with you? Can they say, girl [INAUDIBLE] girl go to the bathroom absolutely yes>>yep>>if you don't you're not my friend>>Absolutely, there we go>>I hope so>>That's fair enough>>You don't tell me leave outs out, you guys, we're not real friends>>You have to keep it under Yes, Like let me find out my track is showing. Like what! I'll be like yo it's>>What!>>, you let me walk around there's lipstick on my teeth my leaveout was We're showing. I know. What's a leave out? I'm bald I don't know the terms. [CROSSTALK] They better run and grab it, and not run away laughing. [CROSSTALK] I have been there. You have been at a party someone's watch. Okay. And I like to know they are right there digging. Yeah well now we know a little bit more about Charlie's personal life. Okay. Okay. I have one more. Yeah. Just one more. Celebrity girlfriend in your head. Ooh, it was so good. Okay. All around the world. No. [LAUGH]. Her alter ego. [LAUGH]. I have several. Either Rihanna. Yeah. What? Rihanna, to the club. I really like the new, the girl on Blackish. And trace. Yara Shaheen. Yari, but also Tracy. Hey, you aint her friend. You don't even know her name. She's a young girl I would like to be her friend once I learn her name. Chloe, what about you? Yara. My goodness, I would say Whoopi Goldberg. Yes, Whoopi Goldberg. She's like my godmother in my head. Like I feel like she can just like lay it down and give life advice, and I would say Kerry Washington, I think she got her life together. And she got her secret relationship so you can't find out nothing about her man or her baby. That is true. Yep. [LAUGH] We were drinking all day. [CROSSTALK] So much fun! Charlie! I would have said Wendy Williams, but you know we're friends now. I love it, that happens! I mean it did! Putting it in a u-turn. [CROSSTALK] Her dream came true. That was my like first thing, like hey I love her realness, her rawness, and her show and then... She came here and it was great. So What about somebody you don't know? My God, Shonda Rhimes? [CROSSTALK] I like talking to her whenever I'm watching TGIT. Like Shonda, I see what you did there. Yeah. Her. [CROSSTALK] Yeah, absolutely. [LAUGH] I wanna thank each and every one of you for joining us. Gia, Chloe, Vaughn, Charlie, Chef Gerome, gonna come in here and join us? I'm sorry. [LAUGH] Thank you so much for everything. Thank you so much for having me. [CROSSTALK] We're gonna continue to eat everything that you've prepared. [CROSSTALK] Enjoy. You have to teach me how to cook this on catch a bay. Absolutely. I've been eating bay. Hashtag just saying. [LAUGH]. Thank you to everyone of you out there who are joining us and streaming us live. And of course, if you missed enough of this good stuff, you can catch the replay immediately after the show or on demand, anytime on I'm your host Dana Blair, and I'll see you next week. [MUSIC]

This Week on ESSENCE Live: Naomi Campbell, Yvette Nicole Brown, Plus a Conversation on Girlfriends and Frenemies

On this week's episode, our special panel featuring entertainment host Gia Peppers, relationships editor Charli Penn and comdiennes Von Decarlo and Chloe Hilliard talk everything from frenemies and break-ups to making time for girlfriends when you have a boyfriend, Naomi Campbell dishes on what Black Girl Magic means to her and more!