Boris Kodjoe on How Couples Can Stay in Love

"I think people overromanticize how marriages work," Kodjoe says. Check out the rest of his interview above.

ESSENCE.COM Nov, 30, 2016
Hide Transcript
[BLANK_AUDIO] I think people over romanticize how marriages work. I think love, compassion, affection, romance, is one building block Of the whole contraction of those instruction. There are so many things that are applying to have unsuccessful relationship, first of all it becomes successful all over again every day. So you can't rest in your role as you have to work, On actionables meaning I can tell you I love you but what really, why are you coughing? No because I have to clear out my throat, I'm not coughing, I'm listening to your point. [INAUDIBLE] so rude. It's not like the marathon point that we had early. [CROSSTALK] Can I just make my point before you start talking? I'm here. All right. Let's try to skin. I can tell you that I love you, but unless you see me loving you, feel me loving you, it doesn't mean anything, right? So we have to work on those actionables. On those things that we do for each other that show us that we love each other. Because I have certain things that I like and she has certain things that she likes. So I have to make sure that I cater those needs in order for her to feel loved. I know that when she comes into the room, I have to close the computer and it has to be a hello in a [UNKNOWN] parade. I like that. Yeah, it is, it's just part of being married, I had to learn that Alright?>> I like that.>> Now I do it and I cultivate that sort of you know situation because she likes that.>> So it's like taking the time to learn, what is it the love language?>> When I come home I need a sandwich. Just make me a sandwich. It doesn't have to be big. Just something that shows me that you love me.>> Is it something like a simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich or a sauted onions and I personally like peanut butter and jelly but you know she knows what I like and it's there. And those things of Very important, and people always downplay that. And I have to remind people, look, yes being in love is great. But you have to work at that. You have to put effort forth every single day. It's like watering a plant. You can't just water a plant once, and then next year you come back and you expect the plant to be growing, yes. And then you have to water the plant continuously. And it's the same with relationships. [UNKNOWN] you have to learn each other's dance steps. You have to take each other in and you have to be present, you have to cater to each other. You have to do a lot of things in order for that relationship to flourish and to be successful and it's the same in marriage. [BLANK_AUDIO]