• Celebrity
    • Daniel Kaluuya Digital Cover
    • Digital Cover Method Man
    • Digital Cover Zazie
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
    • If Not For My Girls
  • Fashion
    • ESSENCE Fashion House 2022
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Black Beauty Awards 2022
    • ESSENCE Hair Awards 2022
    • AVEENO Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weave
    • 4C
  • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • Black History Month
    • ESSENCE Gift Guide 2022
    • ESSENCE + smartwater Live Well Challenge
    • Build Your Legacy 2022
    • Dream & Plan with Confidence Prudential
    • AMEX Platinum Travel
    • Homecoming Season 2022
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
  • News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Sponsors Recognition Page 2022
    • Latest News
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Video
  • Festival
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Fest Videos
  • Events
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Girls United Summit
    • 2022 ESSENCE Fashion House
    • 2022 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2022 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
    • 2022 Homecoming Season
    • Wellness House
    • She Got Now
    • Dear Black Men
    • I Am Speaking
    • Power Tools
  • Studios
  • Girls United

WHERE BLACK WOMEN COME FIRST

Every day we're serving Black women deeply. Come get a plate of goodness! Sign up for daily content and exclusive offers you'll love!

Your email is required.
Your email is in invalid format.
Confirm email is required.
Email did not match.
By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Terms of Use and that you have read our Privacy Policy
Skip to content
SUBSCRIBE
  • MAGAZINE
  • NEWSLETTER
  • Celebrity
    • Daniel Kaluuya Digital Cover
    • Digital Cover Method Man
    • Digital Cover Zazie
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
      • Paint The Polls Black
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
    • If Not For My Girls
  • Fashion
    • ESSENCE Fashion House 2022
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Black Beauty Awards 2022
    • ESSENCE Hair Awards 2022
    • AVEENO Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weave
    • 4C
  • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • Black History Month
    • ESSENCE Gift Guide 2022
    • ESSENCE + smartwater Live Well Challenge
    • Build Your Legacy 2022
    • Dream & Plan with Confidence Prudential
    • AMEX Platinum Travel
    • Homecoming Season 2022
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
  • News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Sponsors Recognition Page 2022
    • Latest News
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Video
  • Festival
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Fest Videos
  • Events
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Girls United Summit
    • 2022 ESSENCE Fashion House
    • 2022 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2022 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
    • 2022 Homecoming Season
    • Wellness House
    • She Got Now
    • Dear Black Men
    • I Am Speaking
    • Power Tools
  • Studios
  • Girls United
Home · Op-Ed

Why We Can Never Stop Telling Our Black Girls They Are Beautiful

This video of a young Black queen saying she’s ugly is a heart-breaking reminder of the self-work we have to do for our girls.
Why We Can Never Stop Telling Our Black Girls They Are Beautiful
Stock Images/Getty
By Shalwah Evans · Updated December 6, 2020

I typically fancy myself a non-crier. Crying is just not the way my mind and body respond to sweeping bouts of emotion. But tears rushed to my eyes as I watched a video of a little Black girl calling herself ugly. The young queen nonchalantly makes a comment that she’s “so ugly” while she’s getting her locs twisted in an Instagram live video. She begins to cry when the hairstylist stops her self-deprecating behavior to reinforce some self-love. It’s heartbreaking.

At 36-years-old it still triggers something in me that many young Black girls and women have to reckon with: we are told from birth that our looks are undesirable. The video was reposted to Twitter where it was met with an outpouring of sympathy and love for the young girl, as well as comments from Black women saying that they can relate to her feelings, and recalling how they’ve been in her shoes.

This little girl just also made me cry 😩 pic.twitter.com/UYiiFn3nmM

— Dreka Gates 💕 (@_FemGod) March 6, 2020

It made me think of all the debates I’ve had with White colleagues or friends who didn’t understand my annoyance and anger at the lack of foundation shades in a major brand’s range. “It’s just foundation, this is a first world problem,” one person told me. I felt invisible by the brands and received the message that my feelings about it were invalid.

Those were the same people who didn’t understand why I was all in for A Black Lady Sketch Show before ever seeing a single episode. They might have been the same folks who found Target’s ad featuring The Honey Pot problematic because founder Beatrice Dixon sends a message of empowerment to young Black girls in the short commercial.

Too many Black girls still see themselves as ugly, and they need positive reinforcement to help them see otherwise. Our hyperpigmented armpits, our darkened knees and elbows, our deeply pigmented bottom lips, and especially our hair, are all part of who we are, and they get picked apart daily. There are more songs made in our community that disparage us as women, or sexualize us than ones that lift us up. And this isn’t an indictment on rappers and singers at all. This is a plea to the community as a whole to use our platforms and our influence to love on our girls more so that they understand what true beauty is.

Article continues after video.

While Colorado and Virginia just passed the CROWN Act, a mere two weeks after West Virginia failed to get the law passed, we are still living in a world where Eurocentric standards of beauty reign. States are actually pushing back on passing a law that says that discrimination on the basis of hair is illegal. It’s absurd to me, but it’s an unequivocal message for all the little Black girls who think they’re ugly.

Locs and braids are called cute when they’re trendy, and especially if non-Black celebrities and influencers wear them. But not being able to take off one’s Blackness is still considered unfortunate. And our girls are still being told they’re ugly, by both our community still damaged by the remnants of racism, Black hatred, and colorism, and by outsiders that don’t value our various forms of beauty.

Why We Can Never Stop Telling Our Black Girls They Are Beautiful

In our community we say “the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice,” while others don’t think that the juice is worth the squeeze. But we know better, and we’ve got a big job that we can’t get tired of showing up to do daily. Until we can confidently say we live in a world where Black girls can see themselves heralded as beautiful in all the forms they come in, we have to go as hard as the older queen in the video.

But we also have to work on ourselves and unpack our own issues in order to move forward. We have to come to terms with the labels and identity that the outside world gave us, and reconcile that so we can teach our girls not to internalize it in the ways that we have.

Then we have to take our girls by the shoulders and do affirmations with them a la Viola Davis in The Help, and without any mockery. We might cry with them as we relive our own painful memories of feeling ugly because that’s what we’ve been told. But it’s a healing we need so that our girls can see the beauty in themselves no matter who else does or doesn’t.

UPDATE: Since her video went viral, our young Queen has received so much love and support. Now, she’s singing a different tune. Her stylist @lilwavedaddy posted a video on Instagram of her saying, “I’m Black and beautiful,” with a smile on her face. She has inspired the community and given other young girls like her a voice. Shine on them queen!

View this post on Instagram

I gave her a quote to resite and now she won’t stop saying “I’m Black & Beautiful” 😍 Devil you won’t steal this baby joy ! Thank you to everyone who sent kind words to Ariyonna 💕 today she’s more confident and vibrant like any other day but just more of it ! God is def moving in this place ! Pray for your kids even if they’re not yours . Pray for em anyway !

A post shared by We All Value Equality 🧑🏼‍🎤💚 (@lilwavedaddy) on Mar 6, 2020 at 5:50pm PST

TOPICS:  A Black Lady Sketch Show affirmations biance lawson Black Girl Magic Black girl says Im ugly Black Women black women appreciation day black women in hollywood black-women Danielle Young ESSENCE Black Women In Hollywood Garcelle Beauvais honey pot Jenifer Lewis lilwavedaddy michelle ebanks Moana Luu Novi Brown red carpet Shahadi Wright-Joseph The CROWN Act The Help Twitter video Viola Davis
COMPANY INFORMATION
  • Our Company
  • Customer Service
  • Essence Ventures
  • Change Your Address
  • Contact Us
  • Job Opportunities
  • Internships
  • Media Kit
  • tag
SUBSCRIBE
  • Newsletters
  • Give a Gift of ESSENCE
  • Magazine Tablet Edition
FOLLOW US
MORE ON ESSENCE
  • Home
  • Love
  • Celebrity
  • Beauty
  • Hair
  • Fashion
  • ESSENCE festival

ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc.

Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice.

©2023 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms

Get The ESSENCE Newsletter and
Special Offers delivered to your inbox

By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Get The ESSENCE Magazine
by subscribing below
subscribe now