• Celebrity
    • Daniel Kaluuya Digital Cover
    • Digital Cover Method Man
    • Digital Cover Zazie
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
    • If Not For My Girls
  • Fashion
    • ESSENCE Fashion House 2022
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Black Beauty Awards 2022
    • ESSENCE Hair Awards 2022
    • AVEENO Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weave
    • 4C
  • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • Black History Month
    • ESSENCE Gift Guide 2022
    • ESSENCE + smartwater Live Well Challenge
    • Build Your Legacy 2022
    • Dream & Plan with Confidence Prudential
    • AMEX Platinum Travel
    • Homecoming Season 2022
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
  • News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Sponsors Recognition Page 2022
    • Latest News
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Video
  • Festival
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Fest Videos
  • Events
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Girls United Summit
    • 2022 ESSENCE Fashion House
    • 2022 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2022 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
    • 2022 Homecoming Season
    • Wellness House
    • She Got Now
    • Dear Black Men
    • I Am Speaking
    • Power Tools
  • Studios
  • Girls United

WHERE BLACK WOMEN COME FIRST

Every day we're serving Black women deeply. Come get a plate of goodness! Sign up for daily content and exclusive offers you'll love!

Your email is required.
Your email is in invalid format.
Confirm email is required.
Email did not match.
By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Terms of Use and that you have read our Privacy Policy
Skip to content
SUBSCRIBE
  • MAGAZINE
  • NEWSLETTER
  • Celebrity
    • Daniel Kaluuya Digital Cover
    • Digital Cover Method Man
    • Digital Cover Zazie
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
      • Paint The Polls Black
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
    • If Not For My Girls
  • Fashion
    • ESSENCE Fashion House 2022
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Black Beauty Awards 2022
    • ESSENCE Hair Awards 2022
    • AVEENO Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weave
    • 4C
  • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • Black History Month
    • ESSENCE Gift Guide 2022
    • ESSENCE + smartwater Live Well Challenge
    • Build Your Legacy 2022
    • Dream & Plan with Confidence Prudential
    • AMEX Platinum Travel
    • Homecoming Season 2022
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
  • News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Sponsors Recognition Page 2022
    • Latest News
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Video
  • Festival
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Fest Videos
  • Events
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Girls United Summit
    • 2022 ESSENCE Fashion House
    • 2022 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2022 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
    • 2022 Homecoming Season
    • Wellness House
    • She Got Now
    • Dear Black Men
    • I Am Speaking
    • Power Tools
  • Studios
  • Girls United
Home · News

Commentary: Words of Wisdom From Married Elders

ESSENCE.com bloggers Lamar and Ronnie Tyler, better known as Black and Married with Kids, present some advice they gathered from couples married for over 30 years. Check out what these couples said was essential to a successful, happy and lasting marriage... Read More: ESSENCE Reader: Your Secrets to a Successful Marriage10 Skills for a Successful MarriageLiving Together First Doesn't Make Marriage Last
By Lamar and Ronnie Tyler · Updated October 29, 2020
older-couple-in-love.jpg
Last Thursday, Lamar and I were featured on Cocoa Mode with Shawna Renee on XM169. During the show, we discussed Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher, the couple that has been married for over 85 years who say God and the church were instrumental in keeping them together. Shawna then opened the phone lines and asked elders who were married for 30-plus years to share secrets to a successful, happy and lasting marriage. Their secrets revealed: Harry, married 39 years Harry said that early in their marriage, he and his wife had a lot of issues (because they were so young), and so they implemented a “Do Not Get Mad Session” once a month. During this session they talked about things that each one did not like about what the other person was saying or doing over the last month. If they started to get angry, they canceled the session and restarted it the next week. Harry says that this type of session allowed them to learn from each other and to recognize things that the other person did not like. Paul, married 38 years Paul gave five basic principles that are important for a successful marriage (in order of importance.). He says he and his spouse learned these things from going to counseling and from counseling other couples:
  1. You need God in your family/marriage.
  2. Trust each other.
  3. Discuss things together (communicate).
  4. Make compromises in the areas where you disagree.
  5. Respect each other and the principles of each other, whether you agree with them or not.
Maxine, married for 41 years Maxine says the following things were instrumental to keeping her marriage together:
  1. She learned how to share in times of joy and encourage in times of disappointment.
  2. She and her husband refer to each other by name.
  3. They keep the kids out of their personal discussions.
  4. They have family dinner every Sunday.
  5. They respect each other’s roles.
I truly appreciate the tips that they shared. Lamar and I think the “Do Not Get Mad” session is a great idea and one that we should implement. When Lamar suggested it, I said: “What? You mean there are things that I do and say that you don’t like.” He said, “You see. This is why we need that session.” We were half-joking, but mostly serious. Communication is key and all of the couples above mentioned communication in one way or another. This “Do Not Get Mad” session is like a safe place for expressing concerns without the fear that a huge argument will follow. Of course, we will have ground rules for the session. So watch out, Lamar. I already have something for our first session. ESSENCE family, do you agree with the advice given? Can any of this advice be applied to your marriage? If you have been married for more than 30 years, please give us some tips to a lasting relationship… For more Black & Married with Kids stories, click here. Read More:
  • ESSENCE Reader: Your Secrets to a Successful Marriage
  • 10 Skills for a Successful Marriage
  • Living Together First Doesn’t Make Marriage Last
COMPANY INFORMATION
  • Our Company
  • Customer Service
  • Essence Ventures
  • Change Your Address
  • Contact Us
  • Job Opportunities
  • Internships
  • Media Kit
  • tag
SUBSCRIBE
  • Newsletters
  • Give a Gift of ESSENCE
  • Magazine Tablet Edition
FOLLOW US
MORE ON ESSENCE
  • Home
  • Love
  • Celebrity
  • Beauty
  • Hair
  • Fashion
  • ESSENCE festival

ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc.

Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice.

©2023 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms

Get The ESSENCE Newsletter and
Special Offers delivered to your inbox

By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Get The ESSENCE Magazine
by subscribing below
subscribe now