• Celebrity
    • OTE – Screen Kings
    • Daniel Kaluuya Digital Cover
    • Digital Cover Method Man
    • Digital Cover Zazie
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
    • If Not For My Girls
  • Fashion
    • ESSENCE Fashion House 2022
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Best In Black Beauty 2023
    • ESSENCE Hair Awards 2022
    • AVEENO Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weave
    • 4C
  • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • Black History Month
    • ESSENCE Gift Guide 2022
    • ESSENCE + smartwater Live Well Challenge
    • Build Your Legacy 2022
    • Dream & Plan with Confidence Prudential
    • AMEX Platinum Travel
    • Homecoming Season 2022
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
  • News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Sponsors Recognition Page 2022
    • Latest News
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Video
  • Festival
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2022 Fest Videos
  • Events
    • 2023 Wellness House
    • 2023 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2023 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Girls United Summit
    • 2022 ESSENCE Fashion House
    • 2022 Homecoming Season
    • She Got Now
    • Dear Black Men
    • I Am Speaking
    • Power Tools
  • Studios
  • Girls United

WHERE BLACK CULTURE, COMMUNITY AND CONSCIOUSNESS MEET

Sign up for ESSENCE Newsletters the keep the Black women at the forefront of conversation.

Your email is required.
Your email is in invalid format.
Confirm email is required.
Email did not match.
Select the newsletters you'd like to receive:
Please select at least one option.
By clicking Subscribe Now, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.
Skip to content
SUBSCRIBE
  • MAGAZINE
  • NEWSLETTER
  • Celebrity
    • OTE – Screen Kings
    • Daniel Kaluuya Digital Cover
    • Digital Cover Method Man
    • Digital Cover Zazie
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
      • Paint The Polls Black
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
    • If Not For My Girls
  • Fashion
    • ESSENCE Fashion House 2022
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Best In Black Beauty 2023
    • ESSENCE Hair Awards 2022
    • AVEENO Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weave
    • 4C
  • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • Black History Month
    • ESSENCE Gift Guide 2022
    • ESSENCE + smartwater Live Well Challenge
    • Build Your Legacy 2022
    • Dream & Plan with Confidence Prudential
    • AMEX Platinum Travel
    • Homecoming Season 2022
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
  • News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Sponsors Recognition Page 2022
    • Latest News
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Video
  • Festival
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2022 Fest Videos
  • Events
    • 2023 Wellness House
    • 2023 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2023 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Girls United Summit
    • 2022 ESSENCE Fashion House
    • 2022 Homecoming Season
    • She Got Now
    • Dear Black Men
    • I Am Speaking
    • Power Tools
  • Studios
  • Girls United
Home · News

We Asked, Men Answered

By · Updated October 29, 2020

Leon, 41, Philadelphia My wife and I had been married for nine years. Sex was good, but after our two kids were born, it became much less frequent. On my birthday, she arranged for her mother to stay with the kids while we had dinner at our favorite restaurant and spent a night at a hotel. There my wife gave me my birthday gift—a Polaroid camera. As I opened it, she undressed, revealing some very spicy underclothes. She opened an overnight bag packed with an array of lacy underthings, floaty scarves and assorted toys and creams. My wife told me I could photograph her any way I chose, playing out any scenario I wanted. This was a fantasy I’d once shared with her, and now, for my birthday, she was making it come true. I dressed her up and she teased me with all sorts of salacious poses and role-playing. By the time we actually made love much, much later, with those hot snapshots spread all around us on the bed, it was absolutely indescribable. Let’s just say it was my best birthday ever.

Benjamin, 51, New York I had planned a vacation at an exclusive hotel in the Caribbean. It would begin Memorial Day weekend and end the following Wednesday. My girlfriend was coming with me but made it clear that she could not stay past Memorial Day; she was extremely busy at work. Wanting to support her and despite my disappointment, I accepted her caveat. After we had an amazing time, Memorial Day came and she packed to go home. Late that night we made love on our oceanfront balcony, beneath the stars with the moon lighting our faces and bodies, and the waves crashing in the background. And even though it was as if every lovemaking cliché in the movies had come to life, it was truly the most wonderful sexual experience I’d ever had. At the end, as she lay in my arms and we stared out at the ocean, feeling the warmth of the wind blowing in, she whispered in my ear: “I think I have to stay another day.”

Charles, 30, Colorado Springs My wife and I had been married about five years, and we were having problems with sex: I wanted sex more than she did. In the heat of one of our frequent arguments about the topic, I said, “What do you want me to do, find a woman who actually wants to do it with me?” I didn’t know if I even really meant it, but I was frustrated. After that we stopped arguing about sex, but we also stopped having it. After about two weeks of the silent treatment, we attended the rehearsal dinner before the wedding of a friend of ours. There was much love in the room. We were getting lots of congrats for being married and staying together. I looked over at my wife, and she was looking at me, smiling. She signaled me to walk out of the room with her. I followed her upstairs into a guest bedroom where people had put their coats. She lay on top of one—it might have even been somebody’s fur—opened her legs, pulled up her skirt and whispered, “F— me.” I was so turned on—that she was making a move, that she wanted me, that we were doing it in secret in the coatroom. It blew my mind.

Safe and Sexy
Dr. Hilda Hutcherson offers five tips on how to protect yourself without losing the passion

1. Create a pleasure pack. Fill a red satin pouch with a variety of condoms in different shapes, colors, textures and flavors. The Japanese condoms, like Kimono, as well as the new Pleasure Plus and Inspiral condoms, have a reputation for a higher degree of sensitivity and pleasure.

2. Use your lips to roll on the condom. With your mouth in the shape of an O, place the condom between your lips. Use your lips and tongue to slowly roll the condom down his penis. Be sure to cover your teeth with your lips to avoid damaging the condom. Practice with a cucumber.

3. Make love with the lights on. Sensual massage will add heat to your sex play and will give you the opportunity to inspect his genitals before becoming more intimate.

4. Plan a safe-sex date. Schedule an appointment with a physician or clinic for each of you, and go together. Celebrate your completion of testing for STDs with dinner.

5. Use a toy to stimulate each other. One of the most exciting is a new vibrating condom that can be purchased at condomania.com.

 

 

COMPANY INFORMATION
  • Our Company
  • Customer Service
  • Essence Ventures
  • Change Your Address
  • Contact Us
  • Job Opportunities
  • Internships
  • Media Kit
  • tag
SUBSCRIBE
  • Newsletters
  • Give a Gift of ESSENCE
  • Magazine Tablet Edition
FOLLOW US
MORE ON ESSENCE
  • Home
  • Love
  • Celebrity
  • Beauty
  • Hair
  • Fashion
  • ESSENCE festival

ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc.

Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice.

©2023 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms

Get The ESSENCE Newsletter and
Special Offers delivered to your inbox

By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Get The ESSENCE Magazine
by subscribing below
subscribe now