Real Talk: Get Out of Beyonce's Uterus

Folks have speculated that Mrs. Knowles-Carter was pregnant every time she ate a full plate of food since she married Shawn “Jay-Z” Carter in 2008. Every time it turned out that she wasn’t, folks begged her to sit down and give “the old man” some kids like a good wife should. But now that Beyonce has announced that she is pregnant, most of your favorite gossip sites have put her on a fake bump watch. (This, despite there being pictures all over the internet of her bare bump from her Croatian baby-moon.) Speculation is so rampant, it’s gone from gossip blogs to actual news sites.

On Tuesday, ABC News addressed the rumor after a viral video of Beyonce’s appearance on Australia’s “Sunday Night HD” seemed to be new “proof” that she’s either faking her pregnancy while a surrogate carries the baby, or she’s enhancing the size of her belly to garner more interest, or to throw off the public as to her real due date (“allegedly” in February). The clip in question shows a waddling Beyonce in a loose-fitting dress. As she takes her seat, her belly seems to unnaturally fold in half. (Uh, camera angle?)

Beyonce’s publicist, Yvette Noel-Schure, told ABC News that allegations of Bey wearing a fake bump are “stupid, ridiculous and false.” (This is why I couldn’t be a publicist. I’m not PC. My response would have been something like: “Get a grip, and get out of Beyonce’s uterus.”)

Rumors about the validity of Bey’s bump started immediately after she announced her pregnancy at the 2011 MTV Video Awards. At the close of her performance of “Love on Top,” she unbuttoned her jacket and proudly rubbed her growing bump. The comments about her pregnancy quickly went from “Congratulations” to “hold up, how’d she get so big so fast?”

Blogs posted side-by-side pictures of Beyonce’s sold out New York performances weeks earlier and wondered how she’d expanded so quickly. Then just weeks after her announcement, the gossip sites were at it again, scrutinizing pics of Bey boarding a yacht to celebrate her 30th birthday. Her bra cups runneth over, but in a loose fitting dress, the bump wasn’t visible. Where did the baby go, so many wondered. Was it real?

Seriously?

Suddenly everybody’s an OB/GYN, or at least an expert on what pregnant women should or should not be or do. The belly should be this size and this round. They should not wear heels. (The woman has Barbie feet. If she can dance two hours a night in heels, she can walk in heels while pregnant.) Oh, and you’re no longer supposed to be sexy. For Hova’s sake, you’re a mother now. Sexiness is only for those without kids!

Every time the woman makes an appearance, too many people want to chat, mostly negative commentary, about her belly. I’m no Bey stan. I go to the concerts, have never listened to “4.” I am the unlikeliest Bey defender ever, but I must ask: Why won’t (some of) y’all just let Beyonce’s pregnancy be great?

Demetria L. Lucas is the author of “A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life” (Atria) in stores now. Follow her on Twitter at @abelleinbk