Plus Size Model: Mr. Sandman...

I’ve been told that men are like sand — if you hold them too tight they will slip through your fingers. Great analogy. And a tight grip, unlike beauty, is determined by what’s being held, not the beholder.

It’s imperative to communicate in relationships. In this instance, there should be a clear understanding of what’s suffocating and what’s not. It’s painful to have someone tell you that you’re too intense, and here you thought you just loved with conviction. PAUSE ~ I keep telling you, everything ain’t for everybody. PLAY ~ When you communicate is just as important.

Take a walk with me down memory lane. A few years back I was in a relationship. We spent a lot of time together and we communicated about everything, but us! We were great friends. Life happened and weeks after our one-year anniversary, he broke it off.  Five months later, he called, asked to see me and at our meeting he confessed that he made a huge mistake. He asked for a second chance and because I believed in our friendship and our ability to communicate, I agreed. Less than three weeks later, I asked that he leave me alone after days of intense communication. But I digress. I’m a touchy, hands-on person. I love to touch and be touched. One day I asked him if my touchiness bothered him. “Sometimes,” he said. PAUSE ~ Wait, WHAT? We were together for a year and I touched him nonstop. Why the he’ll didn’t he say anything? I was furious, disappointed and baffled. Who allows something they don’t like to continue for so long without any mention of it? I mean, were we not at a point in our relationship or our friendship where he could’ve just said, “Babe, not for nothing, the touching drives me a little crazy sometimes.” Yes, I may have been thrown off at first, but I would have understood and made an effort to not do it. More than anything, I was hurt and embarrassed. How many times in that year had I touched him — without thinking — out of habit and genuine affection while he sat there annoyed or cringing? PLAY ~ Timing… is in the communication process.

If you’re in a relationship and someone does something you don’t like, talk about it. And don’t wait too long. Be mindful of what you’re going to say and how you’ll say it. After all, if someone tells you abruptly that your grip is too tight, your immediate reaction is to let go. The sand won’t have to slip through your hands if you release it. And that may not be what he really wanted. Talk about it. Be clear. Be heard and make sure both parties understand each other’s understanding.

Did I make my point?

XO

PSM

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