I had a long conversation with a really good friend about her soon to be second date with a man she was really feeling. For one reason or another, there was a good chance that she was going to end up back at his house and she did not want to go because… the chemistry was there, but she was not ready to have sex with him.
~ PAUSE ~ She is a girl after my own heart. I don’t know anything about casual sex. I just don’t know how to do it. Rule of thumb in life… KNOW YOURSELF! I am so turned on by intimacy. Sex does not equal intimacy. I believe that so many of us have sex in search of intimacy and are let down when we learn that it really was JUST physical. Yes, yes, there are those who love the physical… I do too! I just love the act with someone I am really stimulated by, mentally and emotionally! ~ PLAY ~
I love to kiss. I remember kissing my boyfriend in the vestibule of my mother’s house at fourteen years old. ~ PAUSE ~ Oh stop! Don’t judge me! You too were kissing at that age and if you weren’t, some part of you wished you were! Consider me one of the lucky ones… I was kissing not sexing! And I loved it! I mean we would spend hours in that little hallway kissing and talking until I heard my mother about to come to the door and tell me it was time to come in the house. I wonder if she knew we were in there kissing instead of sitting on the stoop. ~ PLAY ~
Honestly, didn’t you just love a good kissfest when you were a teenager? I mean, my heart would race and the kisses were so passionate. And don’t you remember falling back on your bed with the big Kool-Aid smile on your face when he called later that night and told you he missed you and then stayed on the phone whispering all night until one of you fell asleep?!
COME ON! We were so romantic and corny as teenagers!
I was always slow on the sex path. And no, I am not making myself out to be a ‘good girl’; I just wasn’t a fast ass. I was really big on reputation and being in control. I never wanted a ‘boy’ to be able to have anything negative to say about me. And unlike some of today’s fourteen-year-olds, I thought sex was a big deal! I remember the time and place where I was persuaded to give up my cookies. The decision was mine, but I stopped it immediately and I did not do it again for years! It was so mental for me! But I digress…
In my humble opinion, foreplay is not a fifteen-minute prelude to the act of sex. Foreplay is everything that takes place until the moment we are getting it on. From the first date and onward! I like extended foreplay! So yes, while I am not a tease ~ PAUSE ~ Unless you want me to be! Get into that! LOL! ~ PLAY ~ I want a man that is okay with a real makeout session a few times prior to the day it ‘goes down’.
Now let me be clear, I have mixed feelings about the 90-day rule. I understand the concept, but I believe if you are going to put an exact date on when and how, you might as well just do it from the jump. I think as women, we need to know when WE are ready. And ‘ready’ will vary from person to person. Sometimes ready means you will do it when YOU feel like it and when YOU are comfortable. Sometimes it means you will do it when you feel you know him well enough to let him into your intimate world in more ways than one… All I am saying is do it when YOU are ready. And please don’t let him tell you when you’re ready. If he can’t wait… chuck deuces and leave him alone. You are worth the wait… (Oh I just hate when I sound preachy!!!!) Smiling at the thought of being fourteen again… XO PSM
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