“People be cheating”. And, few places are more conducive for extramarital affairs than the workplace. The inside jokes, kind gestures, and everyday interests shared between colleagues in continuous proximity, day in and day out, can forge common bonds that, left unchecked, can lead down a path of indiscretion. The professional and personal repercussions can be dire.
In November, leaked paparazzi photos revealed an affair between Good Morning America co-hosts Amy Robach and T.J. Holmes. The anchors, both married to other people, have since been pulled off the air by ABC. This is just the latest of many high-profile workplace indiscretions between married colleagues.
While the celebrity spotlight on the GMA scandal makes for classic tabloid drama, the situation itself is far from exceptional. Infidelity happens in workplaces across America every day. According to a Vault Careers survey, 1 in 5 employees admitted to cheating on their partner with someone from work, and 44% of employees said they know coworkers involved in extramarital affairs.
For married people flirting with the idea of having a work fling, Dr. Tina Opie, Associate Professor of Management at Babson College and co-author of Shared Sisterhood: How to Take Collective Action for Racial and Gender Equity at Work, offers a word of caution, “Don’t do it.”
ESSENCE spoke with Opie, who has been married for 22 years. She shared real talk on the personal and professional implications of workplace indiscretions and what married people should do to avoid them at all costs.
Play out the outcome.
Imagine yourself as the lead character in one of those low-budget cable network films. The scene opens with a lonely and regretful you. Your career is gone, your reputation is blown—You’ve lost your family, home, and everything you love. Now flashback to where it all began. Knowing that outcome, you may reconsider that initial harmless flirtation with your married colleague.
It’s easy to lose sight of consequences in the heat of a moment. But Opie says visualizing the end from the beginning can save unnecessary heartache. “See the faces of those you’ll hurt—your spouse, yourself, your children. Imagine how you’re going to feel at the end of it all,” Opie said.
Consider this: The court of public opinion won’t be kind.
According to a 2022 Gallup Poll, 89% of Americans consider “married men and women having an affair” to be “morally wrong.” That tracks with the last three decades of polling by Gallup, which consistently shows that the American people overwhelmingly disapprove of extramarital sex.
If, or likely, when workplace infidelity comes to light, the engaging parties can’t count on a ton of sympathy in the court of public opinion—nor in the actual court of law if divorce is the outcome.
In the case of Robach and Holmes’s affair, both of their spouses have so far remained quiet, but the professional repercussions of the GMA co-hosts were swift. Opie is not surprised. “They are committing adultery, and I still think morally and legally there are implications for that,” she said. “And so, that is not tenable for them to be on the air as a couple.”
Stay true to your values.
What starts as friendly banter, a harmless lunch date, or the occasional after-work happy hour can lead to an unintended end when the married parties involved fail to honor their values. Values are the defining principles held core to how you live and work. Opie says they should be the litmus test by which married people measure their interactions in the workplace.
“It’s critical to understand your values,” she said. “Marriage, for me, is a commitment to stay with an imperfect person as long as we both live,” Opie says. Conducting yourself according to your values is the key to upholding those vows.
Don’t overestimate yourself.
Infidelity is often scandalized—its participants written off as “homewreckers” and “side pieces.” But making villains out of adulterers can give well-intentioned people a false sense of security, making them more susceptible to falling prey.
No one is beyond temptation. There may be moments when the circumstances within your marriage make the prospect of stepping outside of it seem appealing. Opie’s perspective as a seasoned professional and a happily married woman beyond the 20-year milestone is worth considering for married people who face those moments of vulnerability.
“I am now in my fourth career. I was a banker, a consultant, an academic, and now an entrepreneur, and in all of those contexts, you hear murmurings and rumors, and I’ll tell you this— it does not typically end well,” she said.
Remember, the grass is greenest where you water it.
For married people on the brink of risking it all for what appears to be a more appealing partner in the workplace, Opie offers a final word of caution. “Try to work on your own marriage and yourself rather than trying to fulfill unmet needs elsewhere, like with a workplace affair,” she said.