• Celebrity
    • Of The Essence
    • Celebrity News
    • If Not For My Girls
    • The State Of R&B
    • Time Of Essence
  • Fashion
    • 2023 Best In Black Fashion Awards
    • 2023 Fashion House
    • Red Carpet
    • Fashion News
    • Accessories
  • Beauty
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
    • 2023 Best In Black Beauty
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Hair
  • Lifestyle
    • Love
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
    • Bridal Bliss
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
  • Entrepreneurship
    • Money & Career
  • News
    • Latest News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Shopping
  • Video
  • Events
    • 2023 Fashion House
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2023 Wellness House
    • 2023 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2023 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
  • Studios
  • Girls United

WHERE BLACK CULTURE, COMMUNITY AND CONSCIOUSNESS MEET

Sign up for ESSENCE Newsletters the keep the Black women at the forefront of conversation.

Your email is required.
Your email is in invalid format.
Confirm email is required.
Email did not match.
Select the newsletters you'd like to receive:
Please select at least one option.
By clicking Subscribe Now, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.
Skip to content
SUBSCRIBE
  • MAGAZINE
  • NEWSLETTER
  • Celebrity
    • Of The Essence
    • Celebrity News
    • If Not For My Girls
    • The State Of R&B
    • Time Of Essence
  • Fashion
    • 2023 Best In Black Fashion Awards
    • 2023 Fashion House
    • Red Carpet
    • Fashion News
    • Accessories
  • Beauty
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
    • 2023 Best In Black Beauty
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Hair
      • Hair News
      • Natural
      • Relaxed
      • Transitioning
      • Weave
      • 4C
  • Lifestyle
    • Love
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
    • Bridal Bliss
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
  • Entrepreneurship
    • Money & Career
  • News
    • Latest News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Shopping
  • Video
  • Events
    • 2023 Fashion House
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2023 Wellness House
    • 2023 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2023 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
  • Studios
  • Girls United
Home · News

Modern Day Matchmaker: 10 Dating Mistakes Single Moms Should Avoid

The dating scene can be tough for single moms. Avoiding these classic mistakes can help you find the right man faster.
By Paul Carrick Brunson · Updated October 27, 2020
01
Detour to Mr. Right

Dating isn’t easy. Period. As a matchmaker, I know firsthand that the dating scene can be even tougher on single moms. Right now, there are more single mothers in the United States than there have ever been in history. Six out of 10 of women giving birth in their early 20s are single. Many older women are divorced or they also find themselves looking for love as they juggle the responsibilities of being the primary caretaker of a child. Here are some of the pitfalls I recommend single moms avoid on their quest to find Mr. Right/Mr. Perfect Stepdad.

Modern Day Matchmaker: 10 Dating Mistakes Single Moms Should Avoid
Getty Images
02
Stop worrying about your ex’s love life.

As long as he’s not introducing your child to the people he is dating without talking to you first, his love life is (thankfully!) no longer any of your business. Your child is all that matters. His new woman? Not so much.

Modern Day Matchmaker: 10 Dating Mistakes Single Moms Should Avoid
Getty Images
03
Be flexible.

Your situation isn’t always perfect; but no one’s life ever is. Sometimes you have to cancel plans because your child comes first – that’s real – so be understanding when the men you date also have to make adjustments to their schedules.

Modern Day Matchmaker: 10 Dating Mistakes Single Moms Should Avoid
Getty Images
04
Don’t expect him to overcompensate for your ex’s shortcomings.

Your ex may have been inattentive, distracted or perpetually broke, but that doesn’t mean the new man in your life will immediately put on a Superman cape and save you from all of those frustrations. (Let him be his own man.) That said, you shouldn’t put on that cape either. Keep being the good mother you are and don’t worry about overdoing it or expecting him to. Just got with the flow.

Modern Day Matchmaker: 10 Dating Mistakes Single Moms Should Avoid
Getty Images
05
Don’t assess his parenting abilities on the first date.

Remember fun? It was this great thing you used to have when you went out on dates and things were still fresh and new. It’s still OK to have some, even though you’re a mother now. As long as your child is taken care of and you’re careful of who is and isn’t in their life, there’s no reason to turn a first date into an interrogation. Just go with the flow.

Modern Day Matchmaker: 10 Dating Mistakes Single Moms Should Avoid
Getty Images
06
Don’t force it with the little ones.

just can’t control how they will or won’t feel when you’re dating again and you finally introduce them.  You can’t take it personal if your child is disinterested in the new guy. Give your little one the space he or she needs to figure things out. Don’t force it.

Modern Day Matchmaker: 10 Dating Mistakes Single Moms Should Avoid
Getty Images
07
Accept that your kids will still like dad more.

Sure, we get it. He hasn’t done what you think he should be doing. But, he’s still your child’s father. It’s only natural that your child still loves him. After all, dad has been there since the beginning (ideally) and new guy is, well, “new. Give the kid his or her space.

Modern Day Matchmaker: 10 Dating Mistakes Single Moms Should Avoid
Getty Images
08
Don’t feel guilty about getting back out there.

You’re a mom, but you’re still a human being. You still want love and that’s totally okay. You still need attention and affection, and that’s expected. As long as you’re taking care of business at home, don’t feel bad for wanting to get a babysitter and have a nice night out with someone special or someone new. You deserve it!

Modern Day Matchmaker: 10 Dating Mistakes Single Moms Should Avoid
Getty Images
09
Don’t try to do it all on your own.

Being a single parent is overwhelming. When you start dating again, reach out to your larger social network – family, friends, people you trust – to help you navigate the waters between single mom and single mom who dates. You’ll need these individuals for both emotional and physical support. (Not to mention the occasional babysitters.) Don’t feel bad that you need people to get the job done right. That comes with the territory.

Modern Day Matchmaker: 10 Dating Mistakes Single Moms Should Avoid
Getty Images
10
Don’t bad mouth your ex. (Especially while on a date.)

This rule applies whether you’re talking to your child or a date. Nothing good comes from badmouthing your ex. When you have a child together, you have to co-parent. This means you’ll need to interact and try to have everyone get along. Plus, bashing the old guy to the new guy makes it seem like you’re still not over that relationship. No one wants to date the woman still hung up on the last guy.

Modern Day Matchmaker: 10 Dating Mistakes Single Moms Should Avoid
Getty Images
11
Don’t introduce him to your kids too soon.

This is the biggest, most important thing to always remember when dating as a single mom: You can date someone, but they don’t need to go to your house or get to know your kids, unless things are really serious – like marriage serious. Children grow attached quickly to people and are emotionally shattered when those people suddenly disappear because a relationship didn’t work out. Don’t make the mistake of letting your new boyfriend watch your children. He may not be fully capable of caring for a child – let alone one that’s not his. Get to know your partner first and get to know them well.

Modern Day Matchmaker: 10 Dating Mistakes Single Moms Should Avoid
Getty Images
12
Talk to Paul

Comments, concerns or questions about my advice? Tell me about it below! Paul Carrick Brunson is a 2013 NAACP Image Award nominee and a 2012 iDate Matchmaker & Relationship Coach Of The Year nominee. His bestselling book It’s Complicated (But It Doesn’t Have to Be) is in stores now. Contact him directly on Facebook or Twitter anytime or visit his website.

Modern Day Matchmaker: The Difference Between Real Men Vs. Boys
Getty Images
COMPANY INFORMATION
  • Our Company
  • Customer Service
  • Essence Ventures
  • Change Your Address
  • Contact Us
  • Job Opportunities
  • Internships
  • Media Kit
  • tag
SUBSCRIBE
  • Newsletters
  • Give a Gift of ESSENCE
  • Magazine Tablet Edition
FOLLOW US
MORE ON ESSENCE
  • Home
  • Love
  • Celebrity
  • Beauty
  • Hair
  • Fashion
  • ESSENCE festival

ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc.

Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice.

©2023 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms

Get The ESSENCE Newsletter and
Special Offers delivered to your inbox

By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Get The ESSENCE Magazine
by subscribing below
subscribe now