Commentary: Does It Really Matter If He Makes Less?

After watching the Nightline’s Black Single Ladies “Face-Off,” a group of fellas and I decided that this was a subject we must address. It seems like a man making less money is a deal breaker in relationships with some successful women. I’m assuming these ladies have never been with someone who was equally ambitious but wasn’t making the same money. Or maybe they’ve never lost a job or had a day that was so bad they just needed someone tohold them. It may seem like the money you make today is the best definition of who you are, but one day you will need someone to just listen to you, support you emotionally, or even carry you across the room when you’re tired. When this time comes around, will it really matter if he makes less money than you? And, besides, if the money is going into the same household, why is it still divided into yours and mine? Success in marriage and relationships is really about building a team. Like most teams, all of the players do not have equal talent or luck. One partner may find favor and success earlier than the other. You shouldn’t judge a man by where he is today because you never know what blessings are waiting for him (and you) in the future. In a relationship, the strong have to help build balance. And the way the economy is now, you never know when the roles may reverse. So I ask, would you have a problem if your man left you because you didn’t make enough money? Instead of looking at the scenario as a burden, think of it as a reflection of a new world order. Plenty of women, not just Black women, are making more money than their husbands or boyfriends. College graduation levels for White women far exceed White men, for example. The same for Latino men and women. The test is to see whether you will let society dictate how your relationship should be or let love and commitment be the governing factor. I’m not telling sisters to be foolish, I’m just asking you to first find the qualities in a man that far exceed his salary. Find a man with a vision and a purpose: a man that will cook for you, surprise you with small gifts, tell you things that make you smile, visit your mother when she is sick, and have your back even when he is falling down. Yes, some of us will help you pull the tracks of your weave out of your hair once we understand that this is part of what makes you look your best. We won’t like it, but there are some things about us you will have to live with, too. You need a “ride or die” relationship! A man that will lay down his pride to make sure the home you are building has a proper foundation. Let’s chase our dreams together. Money comes and goes, but a true partner (someone who loves you in spite of all your complexities) is hard to find. Wil Murphy is the author of “The Wealth Code,” a book that focuses on understanding your purpose by addressing three key areas: spiritual, financial, and emotional.