Joe Biden: ‘I Get It,’ Promises to Change Inappropriate Touchy-Feely Behavior
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Joe Biden, former U.S. Vice-President, and architect of the 1994 Crime Bill that had a devastating ripple effect on generations of Black and Brown families, used a little time during his non-campaign for the presidency to address the criticism that he doesn’t know how to keep his hands and lips to himself.

“Social norms are changing. I understand that, and I’ve heard what these women are saying,” Biden said in his Good White Man™ voice. “Politics to me has always been about making connections, but I will be more mindful about respecting personal space in the future. That’s my responsibility and I will meet it.”

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Biden, like other Good White Men™, wants the nation to know that inappropriately touching women without their consent is just the way it used to be in the good old days—before women had to go and demand autonomy over their bodies. But, be clear that he wants to occupy 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., and if that means he has to stop caressing women’s shoulders and sniffing their hair, then by golly, he’s willing to do that.

Because he gets it.

He might be the best hugger this side of the Delaware, but he understands that some people are just sensitive, and he wants the nation to know that he respects that sensitivity, no matter how ridiculous he thinks it may be.

Biden was forced into addressing his behavior after former Nevada legislator Lucy Flores accused him of touching her shoulders and kissing the back of her head during an event. Amy Lappos, a former congressional aide, also came forward with the claim that Biden rubbed noses with her at a 2009 fundraiser.