Contrary to popular belief, being single can be fabulous and often even intentional for some. Women looking to live their best single lives turn to relationship expert and author Demetria Lucas D’Oyley to guide them along the way. When it comes to matters of the heart, her straightforward brand of free-flowing dating advice always hits home, making her books A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life and Don’t Waste Your Pretty: The Go-To Guide for Making Smarter Decisions in Life and Love popular favorites for women, no matter how they define their relationship status.
Are you starting off the New Year flying solo? If so, D’Oyley says there is no better time than now to get better acquainted with yourself and sharpen your dating technique in preparation for the moment you and your soul mate will cross paths. Here is your roadmap, courtesy of the queen of real-talk relationship chat.
Stop Being So Comfortable
“I really encourage women to get out of their comfort zones. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is one of the definitions of insanity. Figure out those things that you want and figure out new ways to get them. That doesn’t mean necessarily find a man, or re-create your life all at once, but identify the things that you want and set small baby step goals to help you reach the big goal. Don’t just think about it as an abstract idea, but rather what are the things that you feel are missing from your life? Identify them and figure out ways to fill that void. Is it that you want to buy your first home? Is it that you want to move to a different state? Is it that you want to travel more? Spend more time with friends? Do the things that fill you, and do things you’ve never done.
Stop Saving His Seat
“I think not all, but some women, are really good about not waiting for life to start until a partner comes along. While some women will say, ‘I’m not going to buy this house.’ ‘I’m not going to take this vacation.’ or ‘I’m not going to go to this restaurant until … ‘ They’re waiting for this partner. He’s coming. He’s going to get there at some point. In the meantime, you are alive and you exist, and you need to make the most of every opportunity, every moment, and every day to fulfill your dreams. While you’re on that path, maybe you’ll meet that person. While you’re trying to figure yourself out and doing the things you always dreamed of, maybe you’ll meet him while you’re doing it.”
Stop Looking For Him
“Everybody wants to know how to get back out there. It’s funny, because a lot of times when you talk to people about how they met, it was actually very random. They were out and they weren’t necessarily planning to meet someone. People always think that there’s like this large luxurious storage facility of attractive college-degree men who are all looking for relationships, and that’s not how it works. There’s no one singular place where great committed-minded, dedicated men are. If it were, the line would be out the door every day. Just go and live your everyday life. Pay attention to the guy who’s standing behind you in the grocery store. That’s how one of my good friends, who just had a baby, that’s how she met her husband. He struck up a conversation with her in the store. I met my husband on public transportation when I was headed to work one day.
Say Hello (Yes, Really)
“Pay attention to the world around you. For the southern readers, saying hello isn’t that big of a thing, but especially for my northeast girls, say ’hi!’ Strike up a conversation. Pay him a complement. Ask a question. It really doesn’t count as hitting on him. It shows that you’re single, you’re friendly, and you’re available. If he’s interested in asking for your number or getting to know you better, you’re not going to reject him, or at least you will with a smile that won’t make him feel bad.
For more great dating advice from D’Oyley, visit her website.