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Girl's Best Friend: Leave the Grudge in 2011

Is it time you let go and moved on?
In New York City, tis’ the season of the best parties and celebrations of the year.  Invariably, it is also the season of running into those people who have rubbed you the wrong way or gotten under your skin during the year. And, if you run in the same circles, it makes it even more difficult, which is why I say, tis’ the season to drop that grudge.

Earlier this week, one of my fabulous sister-friends and I were floating through a holiday party at a posh hotel in mid-town Manhattan. The open bar had us feeling great and we had on our holiday best. You couldn’t tell us a thing until she said, “Walk the other way here comes ‘Stephanie,’ you know we’re not speaking and I don’t want to see her.” At that moment, I was whisked to the other side of the room, thankfully near the seafood buffet and another bar.

For the rest of the night, we played a silly game of cat and mouse making sure we avoided any contact with Stephanie.  They’d been close for many years until a falling out over the summer. The details of which are unimportant, but it was a justified rift. Stephanie had borne most of the responsibility for it, but my sister-friend had some too. As is the case with most disputes – it takes two to tango.

“Why don’t you go over to her and just speak? This makes no sense,” I asked. I’ve never understood how people who’ve shared any personal relationship can be in the same room and act like they don’t know each other. Everyone knows what’s up, which makes you look petty and juvenile. Moreover, the rift between them had passed and my sister-friend was doing great. Needless to say, we left that party early and headed to another that she was, “Sure that heffa was not going to be at.”

The next day I called my sister-friend and told her that she should reach out to Stephanie to bury the hatchet. The truth was I knew she was really over the situation. Had forgiven herself and Stephanie. And, more importantly, had moved on to bigger and better things. So, I didn’t understand why she was still carrying the remnants of the grudge around with her. I found out that she was afraid that if she were the first to make the effort that 1) Stephanie would reject it and 2) She’d somehow lost the battle.

“First of all, it’s on Stephanie whether or not she accepts your olive branch. It’s primarily for you,” I advised. (We can’t be responsible for how someone reacts to our actions, especially the well-intended ones.)  And for that matter, who cares about the score in some mythical battle between she and Stephanie. My sister-friend was literally walking around on Cloud 9 otherwise and I thought she shouldn’t take this pettiness into the holidays and New Year. “Send that girl an e-mail and be done with it! Release this from your spirit, it’ll serve you good.”

She’s a good student and sent her an e-mail sincerely wishing her the best. Although Stephanie didn’t reply, my sister-friend felt freed from the grudge and went back to floating around. Next time we do see Stephanie, I know we won’t be running from her because she truly is over it. The e-mail put the nail in the coffin and laid that battle to rest. At least for my sister-friend, which is all that mattered to me.

The holidays are about celebrating what is good in the world and being thankful for another year. Holding a grudge against someone won’t serve that purpose or you well. Take a moment, release it and leave that grudge in 2011.


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