Let’s face it: relationships are hard enough when you have two sane, mature people, but throw just one damaged, emotionally bankrupt person in the mix and you’ve got a recipe for “hot mess gumbo.”
When a person is emotionally void, there is no place from which they can draw love, kindness, empathy and any number of other emotions that it takes to sustain a healthy relationship. Even their communication is robotic or rehearsed; a damaged perspective often skews their logic. It’s like having a chat with Cockroach from The Cosby Show — so confusing that it’s comical.
I frequently hear from people who are trying to decipher the convoluted code of an impaired loved one. My advice to them is always this: “You can’t translate crazy!” (Unless, of course, you have a fair dose of it yourself.) I know it sounds a bit crass. But, this advice will save you loads of time and energy. Better yet, to get you started, allow this sister-girl to share eight clues that you’re possibly dealing with an emotionally bankrupt person. There are many signs, but this is the highlight reel.
1. They’re Angry – When a person is mad about everything from the weather to the wallpaper, it is a sure sign of deeper issues. If you notice a person has an excessive amount of hot buttons, it means they are too full of rage to send positive emotions your way. I don’t believe anger and love can’t exist in the same space.
2. Their Self-Centered Behavior – If a person is always saying “me, me, me,” and they aren’t singing — Houston, we have a problem. I’m sure you know the type; every conversation, scenario or activity must revolve around them or they get angry and feel wounded in some way. “Put baby in a corner” and move on.
3. They Use Abusive Behavior – I’m not just talking physical abuse here. We overlook verbal and emotional abuse because we don’t always recognize it. Neglect is also abuse. When your boo is pulling disappearing acts, it’s still abuse. It’s a mistake to think you can love this behavior away.
4. Laziness – If a person won’t get a job, clean the house or take care of their own bodies, do you really expect them to put effort into caring for you? Enough said.
5. They’re Greedy – A greedy person will never have enough of anything to fill them up. Money, clothes, shoes, food… They usually seek multiple things in abundance and move rapidly between acquisitions. For them, it’s all about the process of getting more “stuff.” If they’re never happy with what they have, can’t you see that will probably also include you?
6. There’s No Empathy – If a person can’t relate to someone else’s pain, they will have no qualms about causing it.
7. Control Freaks – Don’t walk away from a control freak, put on your Nikes and start running. When a person needs to control other people and scenarios, they are more prone to become abusive when they can’t. Control freaks like to manipulate, too.
8. Hatred – People who harbor hate are closed off to anything different. I don’t think I need to spell this one out, but here goes: Hostility Against Things (that) Remain Expressly Different. It’s not hard to tell why there won’t be any love here.
I’m no therapist, but I’ve learned that a surefire way to get a read on a person’s emotional compass is to listen to your own. If you are in a relationship where you feel unfulfilled, one of the two of you is likely toting an empty emotional piggy bank. Cash out and move on!
Jai Stone – The Emotional Nudist