• Celebrity
    • Daniel Kaluuya Digital Cover
    • Digital Cover Method Man
    • Digital Cover Zazie
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
    • If Not For My Girls
  • Fashion
    • ESSENCE Fashion House 2022
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Black Beauty Awards 2022
    • ESSENCE Hair Awards 2022
    • AVEENO Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weave
    • 4C
  • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • ESSENCE Gift Guide 2022
    • ESSENCE + smartwater Live Well Challenge
    • Build Your Legacy 2022
    • Dream & Plan with Confidence Prudential
    • AMEX Platinum Travel
    • Homecoming Season 2022
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • Black History Month
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
  • News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Sponsors Recognition Page 2022
    • Latest News
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Video
  • Festival
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Fest Videos
  • Events
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Girls United Summit
    • 2022 ESSENCE Fashion House
    • 2022 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2022 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
    • 2022 Homecoming Season
    • Wellness House
    • She Got Now
    • Dear Black Men
    • I Am Speaking
    • Power Tools
  • Studios
  • Girls United

WHERE BLACK WOMEN COME FIRST

Every day we're serving Black women deeply. Come get a plate of goodness! Sign up for daily content and exclusive offers you'll love!

Your email is required.
Your email is in invalid format.
Confirm email is required.
Email did not match.
By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Terms of Use and that you have read our Privacy Policy
Skip to content
SUBSCRIBE
  • MAGAZINE
  • NEWSLETTER
  • Celebrity
    • Daniel Kaluuya Digital Cover
    • Digital Cover Method Man
    • Digital Cover Zazie
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
      • Paint The Polls Black
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
    • If Not For My Girls
  • Fashion
    • ESSENCE Fashion House 2022
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Black Beauty Awards 2022
    • ESSENCE Hair Awards 2022
    • AVEENO Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weave
    • 4C
  • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • ESSENCE Gift Guide 2022
    • ESSENCE + smartwater Live Well Challenge
    • Build Your Legacy 2022
    • Dream & Plan with Confidence Prudential
    • AMEX Platinum Travel
    • Homecoming Season 2022
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • Black History Month
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
  • News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Sponsors Recognition Page 2022
    • Latest News
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Video
  • Festival
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Fest Videos
  • Events
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Girls United Summit
    • 2022 ESSENCE Fashion House
    • 2022 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2022 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
    • 2022 Homecoming Season
    • Wellness House
    • She Got Now
    • Dear Black Men
    • I Am Speaking
    • Power Tools
  • Studios
  • Girls United
Home · News

Blended Families: When Hers and His Become Ours

Family therapist Tonya Ladipo shares her tips for parents to make sure everyone feels the love in your blended family
By · Updated October 29, 2020

The face of the Black family continues to evolve as more homes include stepparents and half-siblings. And for most parents the adolescent years are hard enough without a dose of  “you are not my daddy.” Family therapist Tonya Ladipo shares her tips for parents to make sure everyone feels the love in your blended family.  

Be yourself!  
Do not try to be someone other than who you are.  Initially you should not try to “parent” your new step-children.  You are not their parent and they will resent you for assuming the role of their father/mother.  Instead, the biological parent should continue to set limits with their children.  As a step-parent you can backup your partner by enforcing these boundaries. There may be qualities of a friendship but both the children and step-parent must remember that they have an adult-child relationship, not an equal friendship.

 

Do your homework

Find out what activities they like, places they like to go and do that with them.  Your partner’s children will be strangers to you until you develop a relationship with them.  Don’t pretend that you know them when you don’t.  Be yourself and be genuine.  Children can tell when they are disliked and unwanted.  Find ways to connect with them and spend time getting to know them.


Create Everyone’s Own Space

If the children from a previous relationship are only with the new family on the weekends then extra effort needs to be made so that they will feel included. It is hard to feel wanted when you are sleeping on the couch.  Create a space specifically for them, and if they aren’t able to have their own bedroom then possibly [set aside] their own bed and dresser that is only used by them.

 

Keep the Lines of Communication Open

Blended families have their challenges, as do all families.  Honesty and openness makes this easier for everyone. Encourage children to discuss the changes in their family.  Children still need time alone with their biological parent and should be able to share their feelings about their step-parent. Step-parents also need a place to speak honestly about their feelings.  They need friends and confidantes who are separate from the situation and can support them.

 

Spread the Love

It is important that all members of the family know that they are loved, wanted, and part of the family.  Children from previous relationships often feel unwanted and replaceable by the new children.  Showing a genuine interest in them, making time for them can address some of these feelings.

Tonya Ladipo, LCSW is a licensed therapist and specializes in building strong families in the Black community, including free consultations from her private practice in Philadelphia. For more information, visit tonyaladipo.com.

COMPANY INFORMATION
  • Our Company
  • Customer Service
  • Essence Ventures
  • Change Your Address
  • Contact Us
  • Job Opportunities
  • Internships
  • Media Kit
  • tag
SUBSCRIBE
  • Newsletters
  • Give a Gift of ESSENCE
  • Magazine Tablet Edition
FOLLOW US
MORE ON ESSENCE
  • Home
  • Love
  • Celebrity
  • Beauty
  • Hair
  • Fashion
  • ESSENCE festival

ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc.

Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice.

©2023 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms

Get The ESSENCE Newsletter and
Special Offers delivered to your inbox

By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Get The ESSENCE Magazine
by subscribing below
subscribe now