Ask Finesse February

Q: I think my fiancé has been cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend. He denies it, but she insists it’s true. She and I bumped into each other one day, and she mentioned they were dating-not realizing that he is engaged to me! How do I decide what to do?-Erika, 32

A: If your fiancé has never given you a reason to doubt his word, then you two need to decide how to handle the situation with his ex together. And keep sending out the wedding invitations. But if you’ve noticed he comes home covered with traces of glitter (and he doesn’t work at an elementary school), ask the ex to provide you with details of his double life. You need dates, times and activities so you know she’s being honest (and not just being a hater). If she won’t give details, she’s lying. If her details don’t add up, she’s lying. And if she doesn’t remember specifics like what he wore the last time they hooked up, she is definitely lying.

After you gather the facts, the conversation with your fiancé will probably go like this: “Keisha and I went to lunch today. She told me you weren’t working late last night because you two were at the movies. Then she gave me your cable bill and the Lil Wayne CD that had been on the backseat of your car for weeks. Any comments?” Even if he doesn’t confess, you know he’s been lying, and you must decide whether to work through the dishonesty with him or cancel your wedding plans and bounce. No matter how many people you ask for advice, this decision is ultimately up to you. But as the saying goes: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Got a relationship question for comedian Finesse Mitchell? Send it to us at askfinesse@essence.com. You can also visit him online at finessemitchell.com.