A reader is in love again after dumping her fiancée. Do you think she's rushing things?
You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone In Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values and now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Q: “I was engaged to my college sweetheart until I called off the wedding a month beforehand because I knew we’d grown apart, and I just didn’t want to admit it. It wasn’t a mutual decision, but I know I did the right thing for me. About a month after our breakup, I met a great guy and we started dating. We’ve been dating now for six months and I’m certain he’s the one. My friends think I’m crazy and just need a man, but I know this is the real deal. Do you think I’m crazy Dr. Sherry?” — Nicole R.
A: Nicole, you are definitely not crazy! At least, not crazy for calling off a wedding with someone that you knew you did not want to marry. Something would have been seriously wrong if you had married him knowing in your heart of hearts the real deal. People do grow apart, and that is a part of life. It is great that you realized that you had grown apart and did something about it before you said “I do.” That took a lot of courage! Wedding bells complicate things and make it harder to deal with issues later on. It is also a good thing that you have moved on with your life. I suggest that women give themselves some “healing” time after a breakup, which usually includes a lot of “me time” before they enter into a new relationship.
Your friends may have a legitimate concern with you believing that the very next guy you met is “the one.” It sounds as if you are looking for someone to make your life complete. He may or may not be “the one” or the “real deal,” but I would caution you not to give him a crown so quickly. I would suggest that you take it slow and really get to know him. You must make sure that he is more than a rebound from your last relationship. Give the relationship time and get to know him as much as possible before you label him. Ask yourself if your friends are correct in stating that you “just need a man.” Only you can determine if they are right or wrong. You have to be honest with yourself. It is one thing to date, but it is another thing to get serious enough to want to spend your life with someone. Marriage is quite easy to get into and sometimes difficult to get out of. So, before you decide that he is the one make sure you know yourself and what your needs and wants are in a husband. Don’t feel pressured or rushed into any relationship in fear of losing “the one.” Trust me, there are many possibilities out there! — Dr. Sherry
Email us your questions for Dr. Sherry now, and be sure to include “Ask Dr. Sherry” in the subject line!
If you’re coming to the ESSENCE Music Festival this summer, you’ll be able to ask her in person. Dr. Sherry will be on hand to help out with your burning dating and relationship dilemmas during the festival so if you’re coming to New Orleans, be sure to stop by the ESSENCE.com live stage to say hello.
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