What You Said: Are We Our Own Worst Enemies?

Our live chat on Wednesday featured a hearty discussion about sisterhood — more specifically, about how we can start to support each other more instead of throwing our sisters shade. During the chat, a number of ESSENCE.com readers mentioned that they experienced negativity from other women. This sentiment was echoed in a new book, “The Twisted Sisterhood,” by Kelly Valen. When Valen surveyed more than 3,000 women about their relationships, 90 percent of them said they had felt “currents of meanness and negativity emanating from other females.” The survey begged us to ask, “Are we our own worst enemies?” We posed the question to our Facebook friends. Here’s what you said… Evonda: “We knock the girl with her hair done and a nice outfit on, saying, “Oh she thinks she’s cute.” Then we go around the corner and talk trash about the sister with a ponytail and sneakers on saying, “She could’ve dressed better than that.” Wee need to learn to accept each other the way God accepts us — as we are!” Scooter: “Women are the biggest haters. It’s like we behave like we are in constant competition with one another. The fact that it’s proven more times than not that we are more likely to be maligned by other women. Just look at all the girl groups that break up.” Kristina: “This should be enough food for thought for all women to incorporate change.” Bethany: “My concern is surveys like this. Why is there this persistent focus on gender infighting regarding women? The media loves to feed any hint of a good ‘catfight’ whether it involves celebrities or next-door neighbors. It originates from antiquated ideas that all women are petty, prone to gossip and shallow. We aren’t.” Chante: “There’s too much judgment passed especially between Black women. We need to praise each other instead of tearing each other down.” Elaine: “This is scary and sobering. Sisters, we truly need to try loving, respecting and encouraging each other.” Felicia: “I can’t say that I have experienced meanness as a norm. My circle of sisterhood supports, encourages and loves me in spite of myself. I receive because I give.” What do you think?