Tis the season of breakups in your Facebook feed. As spring begins, there are couples that are parting ways. And it’s our job to not make friends fresh from a breakup feel worse. Here’s what to avoid saying with the newly single.
“What happened?”
It’s so tempting to want to know every detail of your friend’s breakup. But her heartache is not a new reality TV show to binge on. Unless she offers the details, don’t pry. Constantly rehashing the saga doesn’t help her heal. And it ultimately doesn’t matter what went down, but only that she knows she is loved and life will get better.
“I always knew. . .”
Yes. We all knew he (or she) wasn’t worth it. But that doesn’t change the fact that she cared and hoped for the best. Your intuition about the ex does not soften the hurt, and can actually cause more pain and create a wedge in the friendship. The breakup is not an opportunity to confess all your thoughts on the relationship or her choice in a partner.
“Let me set up your Tinder profile”
It’s tempting to want to help your friend back on the single scene, but being inundated with new people as you process a breakup can be a lot. Don’t rush her back on the meet market. Instead offer to hang out together and do things she enjoys.
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Click. Click.
That is the sound of you engaging in anyway with her Facebook relationship status change. No liking. No commenting. Only private messages.
“It’s a good time to be single”
As a dating coach, I agree. The warmer months are full of events and opportunities to meet new people. But when you are freshly out of a relationship, dating can be daunting and the last thing you want to deal with. Keep the focus on love and joy not being tied to her relationship status.
“Did you see what he posted?”
By now you have helped her digital detox from the ex. Don’t poke the wound by updating her on his shenanigans unless directly involving her.
“At least we get to hang out more”
Making her pain your gain won’t get you far. Even if she broke it off and it was the right thing to do, doesn’t mean there is not sadness. She also doesn’t need guilt for not being around as much on top of heartache.
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(Silence)
Don’t ghost on her. Even if you don’t know the exact words to say, your presence means plenty. Keep messages focused on her: I love you. Thinking of you. Remember the sexy guys we met in Mexico? Can we do brunch Saturday? Keeping your love for her top of mind will guide you to say the right things.
Charreah K. Jackson is the Lifestyle & Relationships Editor for ESSENCE and an international speaker on living and loving on your terms. Catch her on social @Charreah and Charreah.com.