This isn’t your first rodeo. Here’s how to know it very well could be your last. (Yay!)
Often, women meet the perfect man for them, but his imperfections cause them to wonder, “Is this true love? Is he the perfect man for me?”
If you’re like most successful professional women, at this stage in the game, you can spot lies a mile away. You’ve dabbled in enough infatuation-based, ostensible relationshipsyou’ve become a master at the dating game. By now you’ve probably tried everything from E-Harmony to singles mixers. You’ve even taken some wayward advice from your freaky spinster aunt, only to ferret out that no matter what you do, real authentic love is elusive.
Let’s face it, you’re a season in, season out, year round, court side seat holder at theromance games.
But, now, you think you’ve found something special. There’s something about this guy that’s different. No matter what, you cannot seem to get him out of your head or off your mind.
Everything feels right, but at the exact same time those idiosyncrasies of his loom larger than life. The problem is one moment you’re feeling the warm fuzzies and the next moment you’re asking yourself wondering “Is he really serious about me?”
While there’s no set way to measure a guy’s commitment, you can ponder these 5 things as you evaluate your relationship:
1. After an argument or disagreement, can you get him out of your head?
What I mean by this is are you able to let go of him mentally and emotionally after a heated conflict? If the answer is no, your subconsciousness is far wiser than you are. It knows things that you don’t.
However, I caution you don’t confuse that sense of connection with a predilection toward being attached to the familiar. If you don’t like change, it’s easy to confuse inclination with an dependency.
2. Do you take responsibility for your contribution to your conflicts with him?
In other words, are the things that bother you about him connected to things you’ve done or said? If so, more than likely this is a personality problem you have that has very little, if anything, to do with him.
This is definitely an area in which you need to grow up and confront your own issues. For example, you insinuate he’s with another woman because he doesn’t answer the phone or because he tells you he’s working late. Just because your ex lied about working late or being with friends, doesn’t mean this guy is doing the same thing.
3. Does he make you feel special, loved and appreciated?
When he opens the door for you, buys things to make your life more productive or support your endeavors or calls you just to check on you (such as making sure you made it to your destination safely, or to see how your project is coming along, etc.) … those are all signs he’s into you as a person and that you’re more than just a convenient sex object.
4. How does he act when he’s angry with you?
Real men don’t take shit from people, and yes, that includes you. But there are ways to fight fair. An example is his use of profanity.
There’s a big difference between being told you’re acting like a bitch versus being called one. Likewise, there’s a huge difference between him cursing while arguing with you versus him cursing you out.
It’s normal for passions to erupt during passionate disagreements, but if people hold things back, they are, at least on a subconscious level, distancing themselves from you. Warning: if you fight as much as, or more than, you make love that’s a sign your relationship is headed for trouble.
5. Are you on his mind?
With most men, actions speak louder than words. A man who’s focused on you will text you, call you, even email you on a consistent basis. Moreover, he will tell you what it is he likes and craves about you too.
As time goes on, as the infatuation period wanes, the things that are at the core of your relationship will NOT diminish. If his pattern includes taking you to the movies, dinner, and cracking corny jokes or sending you silly emails, those things will remain consistent.
But when the two of you stop laughing and/or stop working together to achieve goals you need to be concerned. The more he extricates himself the more you need to be concerned.
This article originally appeared on YourTango.com.