Pain, loss, confusion and anger are just some of the complex emotions Vanessa Bryant has been feeling since losing her husband Kobe Bryant and their daughter Gianna in a helicopter crash last month. Many have wondered how the wife and mother has been able to cope with losing two of the most important people in her life at the same time. Today, we’ve been given glimpse of what she’s been going through.

Posting a video from Gianna’s recent basketball game where she was coached by her dad, Mrs. Bryant lets her followers in on her struggle to cope.

“I’ve been reluctant to put my feelings into words,” she writes. “My brain refuses to accept that both Kobe and Gigi are gone. I can’t process both at the same time. It’s like I’m trying to process Kobe being gone but my body refuses to accept my Gigi will never come back to me. It feels wrong. Why should I be able to wake up another day when my baby girl isn’t being able to have that opportunity?! I’m so mad. She had so much life to live. Then I realize I need to be strong and be here for my 3 daughters.”

She continues: “Mad I’m not with Kobe and Gigi but thankful I’m here with Natalia, Bianka and Capri. I know what I’m feeling is normal. It’s part of the grieving process. I just wanted to share in case there’s anyone out there that’s experienced a loss like this. God I wish they were here and this nightmare would be over. Praying for all of the victims of this horrible tragedy. Please continue to pray for all.”

The Staples Center will host a public memorial on Feb. 24 to honor Kobe Bryant, his daughter Gianna Bryant, and the seven others in last month’s tragic helicopter crash. An announcement for the service was shared on Mrs. Bryant’s page with the promise of more details to come.

 To honor the victims, theBryant family has asked that donations be sent to the Mamba On Three Fund. You can also donate to the Mamba Sports Foundation in honor of Kobe and Gianna’s work in youth sports.

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