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[BLANK_AUDIO] My fiancee really wants oral sex. But I don't want to do it and don't know that I ever will. Should we still get married? Shonda, you can take this one. Wow, okay. [UNKNOWN], should they go down the altar? Yes, but obviously they need to have a conversation. Mm-hm. I'm one of those that believe that you need to talk. If you can't talk or believe with your partner about any and everything, then you probably shouldn't be getting married in the first place. So you can still get married. I really don't know why they jump to, ****, I'd still get married when it's like, have you even had this conversation with your partner? Like You know, does he know that you don't want to or is there a reason why you don't? Did you had a bad experience with it? You know he's willing to know more information and your partner needs to know why you feel like that, because if you get married and that's something that you're like I don't do it and he doesn't know It could potentially set you up with. Yeah so it sounds like there's some conversation that needs to happen there. Exactly. Michelle what do you think? Well I think a couple things. When it comes to sex all things are negotiable and I think that when you're walking into a marriage, understanding that. Sex is not at the highest priority cuz let's face it, honey after a few years the sex is gonna get boring. But you have to have other things that can sustain your intimacy levels and your connections. Now when it comes to giving oral sex, let's face it there may be something that you really, really like. Sexually that your partner's not into. It happens. So going back to the ideas of negotiation, what are you willing to negotiate? In other words, okay, I might not wanna do this always. But I would be willing to do it On x, y, and z accords, right? Right, that's really great advice. But I really wanna know what the man thinks. Jozen, what do you think? I think the negotiation sounds like a good idea in theory. But there has to be a great way to bring it up where that conversation seems very organic. How so? Just If I wanna have a serious conversation with you about your unwillingness to give me oral sex, I think that conversation needs to have the right tone in order to really resonate. And be effective. I also think that it's something that maybe should not be talked about in the heat of the moment, right? So when you guys are usually about to get hot and heavy, and you think it's about to happen, and then it doesn't happen. And then you're like here we go again, and then you start an argument. That's not when it happens, right? But then Poured some drinks, sit down, you know. Split a bottle of wine and just talk about those things. [BLANK_AUDIO]

Let’s talk about sex, baby!

Lady Shepsa Jones teaches women to be sexually empowered as a life coach, author and self-proclaimed juju woman. As a self-proclaimed conjure woman, i knew immediately that we were kindred spirits. Like me, her objective is to help women activate the goddess within them to create a life of bliss.

Like many of us, Lady Shepsa grew up as society’s version of the good girl. She even married the only man she ever had sex with. The marriage left her feeling stagnant, dried up, and trapped at a young age. After leaving the marriage, she bounced back with sexy goddess energy. Lady Shepsa was born. She learned how to heal her life with sensual energy and stopped holding back.

Consider this your orgasmic bootcamp!

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Let’s jump right in! From the letters I get to my Intimacy Intervention column, women are overwhelmingly still faking pleasure during sex. Why do you believe that so many women still fake orgasms?

I believe many women have been taught to put their partner’s needs before their own. Feminine energy naturally wants to give and nurture. Many women want their partner to feel good about the sex, even if they do not. They may fear bruising the man’s ego. I also think some women do not enjoy the sex, it doesn’t feel good to them and they just want it to be over. So they fake their orgasm to put an end to the act. This of course only exacerbates the problem. She is not being satisfied and her partner has no clue, the cycle unfortunately then continues.

How do you define sexual liberation?

For me sexual liberation does not necessarily mean a woman who is “promiscuous”. One can have a different lover every night and still not be sexually liberated. Sexual liberation for me is about having first a connection to yourself. Honoring the sexual energy within yourself as the same life force that is pulsating through the Universe. It’s recognizing that this energy is powerful, healing and vital to living a happy healthy life.

Well said! What is your secret to being orgasmic?

My secret to being orgasmic lies in my love for myself. Because I love myself, I self pleasure, whether that is through touch, taking a trip to the beach, or having a nap. I allow myself to do what feels good. I allow my senses to open and be in the moment. Because I know what feels good to me, I don’t settle for less in intimate relationships. I don’t settle for less in my career. It expands beyond the bedroom and encompasses how I experience each day. I choose to live an orgasmic life because that is what I deserve. I cover this and much more in my upcoming free online workshop, Unblock Your Bliss 3 Ways To Awaken Female Full Body Orgasms

I believe that an important “secret” to being more orgasmic is embracing self-pleasure. What are your thoughts on women learning how to please themselves?

Women need to self pleasure to live balanced, happy lives. This includes not only pleasuring through touch, but using all of the senses; sight, taste, hearing, and smell. When a woman knows how to pleasure herself, it empowers her. If she knows how to embody her bliss, she will be less likely to accept mediocrity in her life. This includes a mediocre sex life. If you know how to please your own body, it gives you the confidence to guide your lover to satisfy you. A woman turned on by self pleasure knows she deserves to have a life that feels good in the bedroom and beyond.

Abiola: Yes, indeed! How do you define a full body orgasm?

A full body orgasm is an orgasm that is not located solely in the genitals, but expands throughout the whole body. Every cell vibrates with orgasmic energy and the body is healed, nurtured and surrendered to ecstasy.

How can women have a full body orgasm whether with herself or with a partner?

The first step is relaxation. Many women are not orgasmic because they are tense. They don’t feel comfortable in their bodies, so they instead live in their heads during sex. They worry about what they look like, why it doesn’t feel good and if they’re partners are enjoying it etc. In order for orgasmic energy to expand it must be unrestricted, it needs to flow like water. Whether with yourself or a partner, women can relax by using the breath. Notice places of tension and send the breath there to relax it. Spend less time in your head and more time in your body. Feel into your body, becoming one with every sensation and allow the pleasure to ripple throughout your entire being.

Many women feel that sexuality and spirituality are at odds. How do you define sacred sexuality?

This is so true and it is something I had to unlearn. I have created my own definition of sacred sexuality based on my studies and explorations. I have two definitions I’d like to share. 1. To approach one’s sexuality, body and desire as something sacred, rather than seeing the body/desire/sexuality as a “sin”, and something to be overcome. To see it as important and legitimate, deeply connected to all aspects of being, physical, emotional and spiritual. 2. To make love with the intention of healing, transcendence and/or manifestation. In sacred sexuality we erase the dichotomy of spirit vs. body. The body is holy because it is a manifestation of spirit. Therefore this beautiful, creational act of sex is also holy. Without sex there would be no life, it is a powerful act through we can bring a human being into existence, or use the energy to heal ourselves. Sexuality and spirituality, are really two sides of the same coin.

Yes! What do you want black women to know about the healing power of healthy sexuality?

I want Black women to know they have a right to be orgasmic! Very often we think pleasure is a privilege and that struggle has to be a way of life. Not so! We can tap into our sexual energy to heal ourselves through bliss. This in fact is revolutionary! To say that, no matter what is thrown at me, or what oppression I face, I am boldly claiming my right to bliss! I have the audacity to be orgasmic! When we connect to our sexual healing power, not only do we heal ourselves, but we heal our lineage from sexual trauma that’s been passed down through generations.

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