Summer isn’t just for sundresses and rooftop parties. It’s also prime time for new connections, according to relationship expert and matchmaker Spicy Mari. She’s sharing some vital summer dating strategies to ensure that singles in search of love are moving with clarity and intention.
“The summer is a great time for connection because people are out, social, and more open to meeting someone new,” Mari explains. “But whether you’re looking for love, for fun, or just practice, the key is knowing what season you’re in and acting accordingly.”
Mari, CEO of The Spicy Life and relationship coach for Netflix’s Sneaky Links: Dating After Dark and the Paramount+ series Love Allways, has coached countless singles and couples toward healthier connections using her signature S.P.I.C.Y. Fundamentals: Self, Passion, Intimacy, Communication, and saying Yes. This summer, she says it’s essential that singles distinguish between fleeting summer flings and purposeful dating that could lead to love.
Start With Your Pizza—Yes, Really
If you’re wondering what “your pizza” means and has to do with love, stay with us. “It’s the roadmap I use with my clients to find their ‘purpose mate,’” Mari says. “Think of it like building a pizza. The crust is your foundation—those five core values you need in another person to trust they’re a good human. The sauce is how they treat you: do they affirm you, show up for you, respect your boundaries? And the toppings, well, that’s the superficial stuff—looks, style, sexual attraction.”
Mari warns that modern dating often works backwards. “Too many of us start with the toppings—chemistry, looks—without having any idea if this person has the crust or the sauce. That’s why we end up with heartbreak.”
Instead, Mari recommends getting clear on the requirements for your “pizza” sooner rather than later. “When you know what you need, you waste less time on people who aren’t it.”
Be Intentional and Visible
According to Mari, having clarity about who and what you want is only half the battle. You’ve also got to position yourself to meet those people. “If you want someone who’s into health and fitness, you can’t just keep going to Pilates with your girlfriends,” she says. “Go to the gym, ask someone how to use a machine, make conversation. If you want someone who’s career-driven, be at networking events. Go where the energy matches your goals.”
She’s also a firm believer in being proactive: “Closed mouths don’t get fed. If you see someone attractive, don’t just smile—compliment them, but take it a step further. Say, ‘Did you wear that shirt for me?’ That’s playful, flirty, and it makes your intentions clear.”
Don’t Rely on Apps
While dating apps remain a popular tool, Mari emphasizes that they’re just that—a tool. “Yes, they expand your access, but they can also increase your exposure to rejection. That’s not real rejection. It’s just part of the game,” she says. “Apps don’t replace intentional action in real life. Your dating strategy should include apps, the outside world, and your network. Tell your people you’re looking.”
And when it comes to crafting your bio, skip the cliché. “Instead of writing ‘I love travel and good food,’ paint a visual,” she shares. “Say, ‘If you enjoy jet skiing in Jamaica and dancing to Reggaeton, hit me up.’ Make it easy for someone to see themselves in your life.”
Avoid the ‘Relationship Debt’ Trap
Mari also drops a word of caution for those who aren’t clear on their season. “If you’re out here looking for your husband, your behavior can’t be about hookups,” she says plainly. “Every interaction either adds to or subtracts from your ‘relationship debt.’ Casual flings might seem harmless, but energetically, they can build up and require healing down the line. Think of every unresolved entanglement as another charge on your emotional credit card.”
That doesn’t mean summer can’t be sexy. It just means moving with honesty and intention. “If you’re in your free spirit season, own it. Be upfront,” Mari states. “If you’re looking for partnership, move accordingly. The problem is when we say one thing but behave another way.”
Manifestation Meets Strategy
Finally, Mari emphasizes that your mindset matters. “If you walk into a room thinking ‘There’s no one here for me,’ that’s the energy you attract,” she shares. “Instead, say, ‘I’m going to meet three great energies today.’ Your attitude shapes your results.”
As much as we romanticize spontaneity, love doesn’t often happen by accident. “You don’t get the relationship you want by luck—you get it by being intentional, visible, and consistent,” Mari says. “Plan your calendar the way you would your career. Do one intentional action a day, whether it’s a DM, a networking event, or starting a conversation at the airport.”
This summer, whether you’re flirting at a barbecue, updating your app bio, or mapping out your “pizza,” remember that while love might be a mystery, dating with clarity doesn’t have to be.