We’re knee-deep in the dating show age—from Love Is Blind to Love Island—where people put themselves out there for a shot at love. But as Zoé Martin, 29, learned on Season 1 of Netflix’s latest hit, Sneaky Links: Dating After Dark, not everyone’s experience is the same—especially if you look different. And by different, I mean Black.
After being passed over for Love Island in 2021, Martin had become disillusioned with reality dating shows. So she was surprised when producers of a new series reached out.
“I had broken up with my boyfriend, and it had been maybe a week or two, and I was in my healing, I go on dates just to get free food type of era,” she admits. “I was like, no, I’m not really looking for love. I just broke up with this man. I’m trying to get some meals… I was kind of, at this point, skeptical of people finding love on dating shows.”
She decided to give it a shot anyway. Once filming began, she learned the show paired contestants with their former “sneaky links”—casual hookups—and gave them the chance to connect with someone new.
“Chloe [Veitch] comes out and she’s like, ‘Welcome to Sneaky Links!'” Martin recalls. “I was like, ‘What did you just say? Girl, I haven’t heard that phrase since 2016.”
The Georgia native, now based in New York City and running the women’s apparel brand O’Dolly Dearest, went in with an open mind. She’d dated men of all backgrounds, but quickly found that openness wasn’t always mutual. As the only Black woman on the show, and initially with only two Black men to choose from, she faced rejection that felt painfully familiar.
“The gist of the show is that at night, you get to call people to get to know them better and express your interest. What really got to me was that I wasn’t getting phone calls,” she recalls. “And when we would come to the pool the next day and have girl chats, the girls would be telling me like, ‘Oh yeah, I was talking to so-and-so.’ And meanwhile, I was going to bed… completely just going straight to bed.”
Things improved when she connected with Travis Arenas, with whom she eventually left the motel, and Corinthian Lyles, a late arrival who sparked competition. Still, the sting of rejection lingered—especially when it came under the guise of “a preference.”
Martin says being the only Black woman meant facing some isolation and the weight of coded language like “type,” exposing the often complicated dynamics that dating shows often gloss over that show themselves in everyday life. While her time on Sneaky Links ended with two men vying for her affection, which viewers loved to see, she has some mixed feelings about it all. “Being in that experience, it’s like you feel it, but then you can’t speak on it,” she says. “Like, hey, am I just imagining this is actually what’s happening? Because no one else is living it.”
It’s also a reality check for other Black women considering the world of televised dating. Yes, there are success stories—Serena and Kordell, Lauren and Cameron—but there are also many unnamed Black women filmed but passed over for a particular kind of “type.” And by type, I mean they aren’t Black.
We spoke with Martin about her time on the show, where things stand with Arenas, and what it’s really like to be the only Black girl trying to find love in front of the world.
ESSENCE: When you first joined Sneaky Links, what were your hopes and expectations? Because I know that there were things that they couldn’t tell you up front. I also know you initially went out for Love Island.
Zoe Martin: Yeah, so initially when I went in, it had a totally different name, and it just sounded like kind of a traditional dating show. They did say it was going to be in a motel. So I was curious about that idea. I was like, okay, a dating show in a motel. Maybe we’re all just going to be trapped here, going from room to room. Are we going to be speed dating? And then when I got there, one by one, people started coming out, and they were like, “Wait, what are you doing here?” I was like, “What do you mean? What are you talking about? How do you know them?” And then when Kyle came out, I was confused, because out of everybody, Kyle was truly not my sneaky link. We were always just friends. So to me, when he came out, I was like, is this Friendship Island? Are we hooking our friends up?
After you found out that the name and the whole concept, could you have been like, “Oh no, no, no, actually I’m not interested in doing it.”
Yeah, so it’s funny they didn’t show this, but the initial format was they introduced everybody: “Welcome to Sneaky Links. You’re all here with people you’ve had casual sex with, and we’re going to give you the choice. If you want to stay and continue, you will meet us by the pool tomorrow, and if you don’t, you’ll go ahead and make your arrangements, and we’ll send you back home.” And so we actually got the choice. Part of the show actually was the choice to stay or the choice to leave. And Nicole and I were both like, “Nope, we’re out.” It’s funny because when I was there, I was like, okay, well this doesn’t even make sense because Kyle’s not my sneaky link. So my first reaction was, well, I’m not going to stay because we’re not even on a romantic level. Then, when I saw Nicole didn’t want to stay, I was like, okay, well, that makes two of us. But they basically were just persuading us saying, “Hey, listen, I know you have no idea what’s going to happen. Things are going to get really fun and really crazy. You don’t want to miss out.” But they gave us the choice that if you showed up tomorrow by the pool, which is where that first scene in the first episode happens, you were staying. We all ended up showing up.
And you said you never had anything sexual with Kyle, that was just your homeboy?
We had one little run in one little drunk night.
Okay. See, they knew it. They’re like, call him up!
[Laughs] I’m sure that they went through every person that they could find related to me in some way, and they were like, okay, did y’all hold hands? Okay, check him off.
At what point did you start to feel the weight of being initially the only Black girl? I know another one came later.
Night one? The first day? First night? Because the first night, I mean, literally right before the “Welcome to Sneaky Links,” the producers came out and they were like, “Hey, everybody form a circle and go around and say who you like just off first impressions.” And in that circle, not one guy named me. And literally my jaw was on the floor, because I feel like when I walked in, I was so confident. These girls were beautiful, but I was like, yeah, well, I’m beautiful too. We’re all on the same level here. And so when we were going around, all the guys were like, Nicole Avery, Nicole S., Nicole V., Avery, Angelique, and I was like, oh, wow. Wow, okay. I’m actually the only girl who looks very different than everybody else. And I felt it in that moment. It was immediate. It was a reality check. It was very humbling.
And how were the men treating you after the fact? Obviously, you connected with Travis, but what were the vibes that you were getting?
This is the sad part that aligns with almost every other Black girl on every other dating platform. The thing about the show is that they showed us, Travis and I, hitting it off the first day. That did not happen. I did not speak to Travis until maybe the fourth or fifth day. Travis was talking to the other girls. Travis was talking to Nicole V. and Nicole S., and they were really forming a bond. Also, I wasn’t getting phone calls. And if I did it would be Kyle, and Kyle would be like, “I’m not getting calls.” So the first week was so incredibly humbling for me. I was like, okay, not only am I here and I’m not really seen as desirable to these people, but I will absolutely say the men also weren’t very open-minded, which was a real disappointment. I called Logan and we really hit it off as friends, which I loved because I did feel like Logan, he expressed he wanted to leave, and I wanted to leave, too. The girls weren’t really into him, and I felt like the guys weren’t into me. So we kind of bonded over that.
I also called Brandon one night, and it’s so funny, I got the courage to call somebody because the first couple of nights I was like, I’m the girl, you’ve got to chase me. And then I was like, okay, I don’t know if they’re going to send me home because no one likes me. So I called Brandon, and I’m in his room, and we’re having a great conversation. He’s living in Atlanta. I’m from Atlanta. We’re bonding. The very next day, when I see him, he’s like, “You’re so awesome. I feel such a great friend vibe from you.” I immediately shut down. Those both went nowhere. Then Travis pulled me. But yeah, I was getting no traction. I genuinely was shocked.
Also, I feel like I grew up in Henry County in Georgia, which is south, and in South Georgia, it’s like that. Growing up, they try to make it known that because you are the Black girl, I’m not even going to take it there. And so I kind of felt like I was back in high school. And not to say that any of the guys were racist or anything, but I think just based on what they’re used to, I was not given a chance at all.
You noted that people opted for certain folk under the guise of an innocent preference. And we all say, “That’s just my preference. I love Black men. It’s just my preference.” If it’s not that, what do you really call this choice, and how do you see this behavior mirrored in what we experience in everyday dating?
I feel like it’s funny. When you watch the show, there’s a lot of reoccurring themes of people saying, “Oh yeah, my type is blonde hair, blue eyes.” And I’m like, I wonder, is that because of what you grew up seeing, what you know to be seen as beautiful in society, or seen as beautiful in the media? Sometimes, it feels like a default answer. It’s like I don’t even have to really distinguish what makes someone beautiful. I can know that these characteristics have always been seen as that, and just identify people under that umbrella. So, for me, of course, I’m the furthest from that. It felt like preference was almost just completely separate from me, just because I wasn’t a default of what those people were seeing as beautiful.
It’s interesting because I feel like it’s one of those things where as Black women, we are known as being the most race loyal. With Black men, that’s not necessarily the case, especially here in New York. It is very diverse. You often see Black men dating outside their race. And I think sometimes too, it can be a little political when Black women date outside our race. And I feel like the show was kind of a mirror of that, because I wouldn’t say I necessarily dated outside of my race, as I didn’t have as many options in that regard. But I think when I think about the real world, how it’s not as political or as controversial for a Black man to date a white woman or date someone outside of their race, it was the same thing in the show.
Travis had a lot of options, for example, when I was talking to Angelique, it was interesting. One day she was like, “You feel like you’re not desired here?” And I was like, I’m not. And she said, “But Travis is Black and he’s desired.” I said, “But it’s different.” There were several comments made by the women, which I thank God weren’t aired, but they were sexualized comments about Travis. And I was like, see, this is why. It’s not just a type or a preference. There’s an aspect of it that is associated with something else. And of course, what I was saying when I was talking to Angelique was, I am not being considered in this situation simply because, maybe not even necessarily Black, but just having different features, looking different. I’m not as skinny as the other girls. My nose, lips and my features are different. A lot of things are just different in general, versus just it being my skin tone. For Black women, we’re just more intentional when it comes to dating because we have to be, because it’s such a more difficult thing to navigate. This versus an Avery or someone else; she had all the options. Angelique had all the options. They can just go through; they don’t have to filter themselves. I remember talking to the show psychologist and saying, “No one’s desiring me here.” And he was like, “Well, just let people get to know your amazing personality.” And I was like, okay. But no one else has to deal with that. They’re automatically given the benefit of the doubt or the benefit of a conversation, frankly, based on the fact that they’re what other people have typically dated in the past. I have got to lead with my personality first. That’s not necessarily equal.
Wow, that’s really telling. And where do things stand now, though, with Travis?
Oh goodness, Travis. We have done, which I hate, so much of the back and forth. We’ll talk for a minute. We’ll stop talking. We’ll fade each other. We’ll come back to each other. So we’re in this space where we’re trying to figure it out. Back in February, I called him drunk when I was in Puerto Rico, and I was like, what are we doing? We’ve got to figure out what we’re doing here. We’re long distance. He’s in San Francisco.
Oh, damn. That’s the definition of long distance, the opposite coast.
But yeah, it’s like after the show ended, we dated for maybe two months. I went to see him. We were doing the classic on the phone all night, falling asleep to each other on the phone, FaceTiming. And then I did feel like he kind of faded me for a bit. And so I was like, okay, you do. And I’m pretty sure it was just probably just because of distance and trying to do schedules, whatever.
And then we would have a random time where somebody would put something in the group chat and then we’d start talking again, and then we’d kind of fade out. And then like I said, in February, I asked him, are we doing something or we’re not? Are we together? Are we not? He’s like, “Okay, I feel like we should try again.” I told him, the thing about it with you, if we try this, I really want to try this. I don’t want this to be some half-assed in and out. Like me, I do want to try it, but I just need to have an idea of, what are we going to actually plan our lives to look like? Obviously, it’s not sustainable for us to just FaceTime forever. So ever since then, we’ve basically been trying to be on the same wavelength as far as dating and our goals and our expectations. I think the tricky thing is just like, oh boy, he is a man. And men just never make it easy for you. So there are just a lot of things we’re trying to figure out, and I just want to be at a place where we’re both aligned and we both speak the same language. Sometimes it just feels like we’re not on the same page, and when you’re not together in proximity, you have to be on the same page. So it is difficult. It’s like some days I’m like, oh my God. Yes. So happy to be with him. And then the other days I’m like, you get on my f–king nerves. Should I try to be with someone else? What is this? It’s so gray area sometimes, so we’re trying to figure it out.
My last question: Would you ever do a show like this again, knowing this experience, and what advice or warning would you give to other Black women considering taking the TV leap for love?
I would do Love Island, yes, I would absolutely do a show like Love Island. It would have to be a show that’s established, I would say. I think, being the first season of any show, it is just going to come with its trial and error, and just figuring things out. I would just like to say, and maybe this flows into the advice I’d give to other Black women considering reality TV, which is just hard. You won’t know until you get there, but casting is a big part of it. Who is cast will make or break your experience. And I think the unique perspective of my story and what a lot of specifically Black women are messaging me is that I have one of the most unique stories on reality TV from the perspective of a Black woman because I had two men competing for me.
And you don’t see that a lot of times with reality TV. If a woman, a Black woman, is chosen, it’s usually because she’s in competition with other girls and she has to prove herself and fight. And if God forbid, there’s two Black women on the same show, they like the same guy. I had the chance where it wasn’t just Travis, it was Travis and Corinthian, and that’s what really turned my experience around, because initially I was just flying under the radar really feeling invisible. Then, when Corinthian came in, Travis really stepped up his game, and he cut off all his connections and said, no, I’m going to pursue Zoé. And Corinthian came in and was like, that’s who I want. So then they were both competing for me. They did the food challenge and cooked for me. Now I’m getting messages from women being like, “I love the perspective of a Black woman being competed for.” A lot of people are just like, you’re the prize in this scenario. And I love that because we don’t get to see that a lot of times.
With all these shows, there’s some element of embarrassment for Black women that I just hate so much. And as a Black viewer, not even as a contestant, but even as a viewer, it is just infuriating to watch. So, it’s like I love that when I rewatch the show, the most special thing about it is that Netflix completely removed the struggles of my experience, which can be both helpful and harmful. But I feel like in this case, it is more helpful because we have so many examples of those. And so the other side of it is that you get to see me making a connection on the first night. You get to see me not necessarily competing with a woman of another race, but a Black man at that choosing me over that. And another black man coming in and saying, straight away, he’s on me and wants to get to know me. And so him and Travis are having this standoff like, wait, I want her to know I want her. And then on top of that, we leave the show together. So the overall story, I thought was wonderful and amazing, which would make me do it again. However, I do recognize that casting plays a huge part in that. If you don’t have the right recipe, it will just turn out the way it always does, which is this default situation for AD from Love is Blind or fortunately with Serena and Kordell, and that was another new perspective we hadn’t really seen. Even though it was Black women in essence competing for a man, it was still a Black man being with Black women. So I do feel I would do it again. It would have to be the right recipe, though.
I think that’s good for people to see and to be encouraged by. And I think it’s good to be able to have that positive ending. But I think it’s also very helpful for people to know, prepare yourself, because you could end up, you might have a more positive ending like you did, or like you said, a Serena and Kordell or a Lauren Speed and Cameron Hamilton, them getting ready to have their baby. But you could also possibly end up being that unknown Black girl on a lot of these dating shows, who we don’t get to know their name or anything about them. So many get pushed out so fast.
And I will say when I was in there the first night, I was like, no, I’m leaving. And especially I think maybe it was the second night, especially the second night when I didn’t get any calls, I actually went to production and was like, I can’t do this. They were like, what’s wrong? I was like, “I cannot.” This is not even from a place of being conceited or feeling myself. It was literally like, I did not come here with everything that I’ve done in my career and my life, I’m not going to be made to be a loser. I’m not a loser in real life. And it’s funny because even to be cast on the show, a lot of my casting interviews, they asked, in the friend group, who are you? I was like, I’m the leader of the friend group. I’m the one getting us in the club for free. I don’t carry a wallet with me. They know that we’re getting drinks paid for. So it’s like I’m living this one life, and then I come here and I’m made to feel like something totally different. I was like, I don’t associate with that.
But when I went to the confessional, because they want you to use the confessional as a way to really release. You don’t have a journal, you’re not able to write anything, so you get to use the confessional. So in the confessional, I was like, the reason that I’m going to stay is because I picture being that viewer on the other side of the screen cheering for that girl that all these guys don’t want. And being like, I don’t care if these guys don’t want her. She’s the sh-t. And I want her to know that. And so I was like, I don’t want to just leave and have those viewers be like, wait, so the one Black girl is gone? I want to be the girl people cheer for because I want them to see that, even if you’re not seen, you can still make a way for yourself. You can still have a good experience. Because I was like, I’m going to make the best of this, even if it is a problem with who’s here. Okay, these are people that I probably wouldn’t get on with in real life, or these are men who probably wouldn’t take a second look at me. I wouldn’t take a second look at them either, honey. So I was like, okay, I’m going to be here and I’m going to represent. And in my monologue in the confessional, I was like, I’m here representing not only myself, women of color, brown women, Asian women, there are no other representations of any other woman here. I am representing the women of color, the women who have a darker skin tone, the women with different features. If anything else, I will just be the one girl who represents every damn body. So I was like, at least I’ll have that. That’s what kept me there.