Sex Confessions From Women At Every Age

When do women hit their sexual peak? The Internet and random dudes on Twitter will tell you it’s somewhere between the late twenties and 45. Funny how the number changes depending on what they’re trying to sell you or who’s trying to slide into your DMs. But what if there were no such thing as a sexual sell-by date? What if you could have and enjoy a fulfilling sex life whenever you choose? Forget about peaks—lovemaking can be exciting in your twenties, thirties, forties and beyond. In fact, as your body changes and ages, your erotic experiences may get deeper, more experimental, calmer, acrobatic, sweeter—whatever and however you like it without shame or apology as long as you remember that you alone have ownership over your sexual destiny. To motivate you to embrace your most sizzling summer yet, we asked readers of different ages to spill the tea on how they like to get down. »

Anything Goes

“My husband and I have a very communicative sex life and frequently discuss things that we like, don’t like and are open to trying. We have sex at least once a week, but multiple types of contact may span that one day—penetration, oral sex or partner masturbation. We often incorporate toys into our sex life, and I orgasm every time. As a female boudoir photographer, I am able to keep it spicy and get it poppin’ with sexy photos that I send to my husband. It allows me to get creative with different looks—makeup, wigs, lingerie and so on.” —J.M., 29

Keep It Casual

“I’m a single mom in and out of the dating scene, which leaves so much to be desired and makes me wonder, Do I really want to be in a relationship? My solution is to have a booty call on reserve that I can trust. Typically, I’ll stop by my local bar, where my go-to guy drops in once or twice a week for drinks. If he’s there, I know how the rest of my night will play out. We greet each other, then continue to mingle with our respective parties. Exchanging glances and sending drinks to each other build the anticipation of what’s to come. I usually leave first to minimize suspicion, since we’re both regulars. I put on something super lacy or just a silk robe. He shows up at my door, and we get down to it. I’m the aggressor. I love the energy. I can be on top or bottom. He’s just the right size and knows how to leave me wanting more. Slight hair pulling and dirty talking take place, and we do one or two rounds. The best part: no commitment or unrealistic expectations.” —J.H., 38

Romantic young couple standing on steps against wall at home

Shorty, Swing My Way

“At age 30 I told myself that I was going to do all the things I wanted to do in life, including having great sex and fun sexual experiences. I always had an interest in the BDSM/kink but allowed ignorance, judgment and the idea of it’s not being a ‘Black thing’ to limit my desire to explore. One day my partner sent me a link to a swinger’s club, and without much deliberation, we agreed to go. During the ride there, we set two rules: Have fun and stay together. I thought it was important to not wait for the experience to happen. I finished my drink and led my partner to a bed. Although my partner was caught off-guard, he was completely turned on. He asked me if I was I sure as I started undressing in front of a crowd, and I kissed him to assure him I was. We spent the next few hours enjoying a sexual freedom that had not previously existed between us. That experience allowed me to honor myself in a sex positive way. I did not judge myself. It taught me that I was permitted to enjoy sex and orgasms how I wanted.” —K.D., 33

Scream On

“Before I had my son, sex with my husband was very vocal. I’m talking moaning, screaming, shouting, like something out of a dirty movie—but with love. Now that our son is old enough to start asking a lot of awkward questions about all the noise, I’ve had to tone things down. But every so often I have to let myself go. We head to the bathroom—my favorite private place in the house—and turn the faucets on full blast to mask any noises. As it turns out, the feel of warm water running down my hands has become a real turn-on.” —I.R., 43

Paint Outside the Lines

“A few years ago I dated an artist. He treated my body and our sex like art. He. Took. His. Time. He consciously and deliberately decided which part of my body to bite or caress next. He built anticipation. He was calculated. He was artistic. And now I only want to have sex that feels like art. Anything less feels like trying to hang a connect-the-dots picture on walls of the Met.” —N.S., 39

This story originally appeared inside the July/August 2019 issue of ESSENCE.