Breaking up is never an easy thing to do.
Sometimes the signs are clear cut, and other times, it’s a gut feeling that we’ve been trying to ignore for months (and sometimes even years). Even when you’ve decided to end the relationship, it’s a lot easier said than done. So we continue to stay.
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“In my experience working with individuals and couples, the decision to break up is never straightforward,” says Kathleen Isaac, PhD, Psychologist, NYU’s Langone Medical Center. “We bring our own own histories and attachment styles into each relationship so the reason why we need to break up and when to do so is person-dependent.”
If you’ve been considering a breakup but don’t know how to clear assess the signs to do so, here are a few indicators that let you know it’s time to walk away — once and for all.
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If you feel the love is fading, know that it can be natural for lovers to drift apart. There’s nothing that says we have to be the same person that we were yesterday, a year ago, or even 10 years ago. It's the relationships that stand the test of time that are the ones that grow together. If you’ve assessed all of the indicators above, and you get to this final factor, it’s time to say goodbye to your current relationship, girl. Something better is out there for you.
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Abuse is never okay. And as ladies, we need to treat this as an automatic deal breaker. Because more than likely, if it will happen once, it will happen again. “No one should stay in a relationship in which he or she is being abused verbally, emotionally, financially or physically,” says Isaac. Agrees Frazier, “Love does not hurt, nor is it controlling.” And if so, “Exit this relationship safely and seek the support of other survivors, family, trusted friends and even a therapist. “
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Your integrity and your values embody who you are as an individual. And once these are compromised, know that it’s a clear red flag that it’s time to go.” When your values start becoming compromised for the sake of “being in a relationship” it’s time to reassess and affirm your worth outside of that relationship,” says Frazier. “Neither party in a relationship should lose the essence of who they are as individuals. It’s important to note that relationships are meant to uplift and evolve us rather than diminish and destroy us. If you are feeling more criticized than celebrated in your relationship, it’s time for you to reassess and consider this to a be a sign to let it go.”
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Sex is not everything, but it’s definitely a whole lot in a relationship. If you’ve checked out sexually, that could mean that something is wrong — either physically or mentally. If you’re feelings towards your partner are the result, that’s a clear sign that things aren’t going down the right path.
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The opposite of love? Indifference. And once you’ve gotten to the point of no longer caring — about your partner, the relationship, or even yourself, it’s time to go. In the words of Ariana Grande, “thank you, next.”
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When one person is always putting in 99.9% of the effort and the other person is consistently giving .1% this is a one-sided relationship. “Ask yourself where the value added is coming from in this relationship?” says Sonya Frazier, Licensed Mental Health Counselor. “What are you really getting out of this relationship?” To be clear, there are times in a relationship where one partner gives more and vice versa and that’s okay as long as the effort is reciprocal. “The definition of the word relationship indicates that more than one person is needed to participate,” she continues. “If your relationship is constantly one-sided then it’s not a relationship, so this is a sign to let it go.”
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No one is a mind reader. A relationship will never be successful if you’re unable to communicate with your partner — especially in a healthy manner. Honestly, if you can’t tell bae how you’re feeling who can you tell? And if you think the reason that you can communicate with your partner is because they’ll stifle your thoughts and opinions, this is an even clearer indicator that they are not the one.
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Relationship feeling one-sided? “A healthy relationship is one when your needs are being met, where there is safety to be vulnerable and where you choose each other and you continually choose to work on the relationship,” says Isaac. “It might be time to break up when those things are no longer true or if you are no longer able to communicate and hear each other.” “When you spend more time asking for what you need instead of getting it and you see no changes, it’s time to go,” she continues. “And if he/she was doing the right thing and then stops, then it’s still time to go.”
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Sis, you are your first priority. And if you’re not happy, it’s a clear sign then things are not right. How will you know? You’re feeling down regularly, you’re being more and more seclusive, and you don’t enjoy doing your regular routines. If you feel the negativity is pervasive enough that you can’t pinpoint where it’s coming from, it’s also a good idea to talk to a trusted friend, counselor, or therapist.
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