When it comes to dating, the issue of who makes more is always a hot topic. How flexible are you when it comes to your partner’s salary? Does he have to make more than you? Equal to? Could you live with him earning less? Before you make the call, consider these eight things.
A man who makes six figures and up, depending on where he lives in the country, his spending habits, expenses, and outlook on money, can be broker than a man who makes 50K and knows how to manage his finances. Don’t just stop at the amount you see coming in. It’s more about what happens from there that speaks to how much he has to work with and the amount he can contribute to your team dynamic. Just remember the more money he makes, the more expenses he may have.
If you want a traditional relationship where the man takes the lead (yes some women still do!) it’s still possible if you make more money than he does. But it’s all in your posture and whether you can allow him the opportunity. Women who have had successful relationships with this model have said that they still make it point to consider their man’s opinion when they make large purchasing decisions, etc. Saying things like, “It’s my money anyway so he can take it or leave it” or “I don’t need his opinion because it’s mine anyway” will be a definite turn-off. If that’s your take, you definitely need a man who makes more than you do.
So maybe you have the money covered, but does the thought of someone thinking ahead and sharing the weight of your responsibilities appeal to you? Some women enjoy having a stable, working man who adores them and has other qualities that compliment hers such as a great cook, a family man, someone who has her back, can fix anything, etc. more than someone who only has the ability to write a check to someone to get things done.
That’s right, this is not technically a real word. But, you get our drift. Have you ever known a man who once had it all – a great job, house, cars, etc.—but then was suddenly downsized or let go and since the job was his entire identity, he was totally lost? The point here is, whether he makes a lot of money or not as much, it’s important to assess his ability to bounce back and rebound when unexpected life circumstances come his way. For some men, it doesn’t matter if he’s at his job today or let go tomorrow, he will always make it happen and rise to the top.
For some, it may be that he has the ability to travel the world with you or represent you well with interesting conversations at work functions or maybe just look good in a suit on your arm. For others, having someone who loves you unconditionally, takes the lead, and a God-fearing man who puts family first may be at the top of your list. There is no wrong answer here. But what we would ask is that you evaluate what is most important to you at this point in your life when it comes to a relationship and based on that list, see where his salary fits in to making those things happen.
You’ve always wanted to eat at a particular establishment and you’ve reviewed the prices on the website. The average meal including appetizers, wine, and dessert for a couple is approximately $200.00 and you know he can’t afford it. Would you recommend the restaurant and treat or would you stay within his budget and suggest a more moderate eatery? Or you could allow him time to save up to take you. Either way, it’s something to consider and you would need to be ok with discussing these things in more detail to keep the lines of communication open.
Depending on your view and how you were raised, you might need to make a conscious effort to be more open to non-traditional ways to make your relationship work. Maybe you would be okay with depositing more money into a joint account to maintain your current lifestyle or giving him extra praise when he takes on that second job to pull his weight. Think about it.
Let’s say you’re newly married and established in your career and your husband loses his job or decides he wants to be the stay at home dad. He’s getting breakfast together, combing hair, ironing clothes, and waiting at the bus stop with the other stay at home moms while you’re the breadwinner but you love what you do. Could you still view him as the head of the household? Would you care what your girlfriends/family think of your man? Could you still encourage him even though he’s no longer bringing home the bacon? We suggest discussing the possibilities in advance in the event they may occur. This way, you won’t be surprised if the situation presents itself.
Fisher Gilmore Matchmaking is an exclusive agency of "heart hunters" led by The Matchmaking DUO™ (Kelli Fisher & Tana Gilmore). They provide matchmaking services personally designed to accommodate busy, successful professionals who are seeking long-term love. They pride themselves on giving their clients a lot of what they want, and even more of what they need. For more advice from them visit their site or follow them on Facebook or Twitter.