Have you or someone you know been known to overshare entirely too soon in the beginning stages of a dating relationship? It’s one thing to pride yourself on being an “open-book” but there are times when you can keep some things to yourself and leave them to the imagination or keep in the past abyss where it belongs. Take notes, lovelies!
Maybe you believe you're over your ex, but can we let you in on a little secret? If you find yourself constantly talking about him, you're still harboring some feelings for the relationship in some way. You might be thinking, "well I'm only saying how bad he was at this or that", but remember you once chose this person. And you endured this behavior for how long? Hmmm, one can only wonder what was or is wrong with you and what craziness did you contribute to the relationship? Everyone always knows there are two sides to every story.
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This is a tricky one because although we suggest you eventually be open about sex in order to gauge whether you share sexual chemistry, there is a fine line with over sharing topics most men do not care to hear such as how many partners you’ve had in the past or how soon you “got busy” with them...proceed with caution. You want him to view you as a lady and respect you.
Always talking about how hectic life is for you is not attractive. Yes he does want to know that you have your own life, but if your calendar is completely booked and overbooked, you really don't have time for dating, let alone a full-scale relationship with him or anyone else. We know your calendar might only be full now because you're single, but he has no idea of where he fits in looking at your schedule. He's better off finding someone else who wants to get to know him and has time to foster the bond. He’s not going to compete with your calendar ladies!
Again, men naturally have a competitive nature and just like you don’t want to envision him with someone else when you call and he doesn’t answer, the feeling is mutual. All things aren’t his business.
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We get it! Based on past relationships gone wrong or things you've endured in the past, there are some things you just won't tolerate going forward. But guess what? This new man has absolutely nothing to do with what John, Fred, or Blake did the last time. In fact, those things he did might not even be this new man's struggle. He could be good in those areas. You could be jeopardizing for no reason at all. So wipe the slate clean and give him a chance focusing on what he does well.
We do believe that you should find out if marriage or having children is something he's even open to or wants for his future, but we so often hear of women wanting to "not waste time" by letting him know in advance what time he's working with. We would say although timing is very important, spend more time figuring out if you even enjoy spending time with each other before laying this on him. Remember that his clock continues and he’s not on yours.
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"My stomach is so fat." "I hate these stretch marks!" "I need to lose weight." These things might be true. But one thing we know from men is that they love a confident woman. The more you talk about it and point everything out and he tries to reassure you that it's fine, it gets to be too much after a while. Love yourself girlfriend. Own your beautiful body and all your wonderfully unique qualities. If you want to work on something, go ahead but don't keep mentioning that to him because he doesn't know what to do with it and it keeps him from celebrating how amazing you are!
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When you share that you're considering making a move in your career or a substantial financial investment and it's always followed by "but my mom said" or "but my best friend said...," he knows if you two were to move forward, his every move might be subject to these people's opinion.
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You might think you're sharing to get closer to your new man but remember he doesn't know your full character yet. So the more you share the intimate details of others around you, he can't help but take note and most likely assume you have no filter for your own relationship affairs, which we can assure you is not attractive.
As Certified Relationship Coaches, our goal is to provide you with the tools to set you up for a successful relationship in the beginning stages. Please let us know how things are going and remember, we’re rooting for you! Here’s to LOVE!
The Matchmaking Duo