Hi, this is Fawn Weaver, the author of The Argument Free Marriage. Charlie went to the streets of New York and asked New Yorker's, what was their most frequent argument with their spouses? Let's see what they had to say. Well, he wanted to say in a lot And I wanted to go and have fun, so it's a conflict of that. You wanted to spoon, you wanted to party. Exactly. [LAUGH] Well, no, probably just go out on dates, like- You know, deciding what to do, like say she have an activity she wanna do and I'm not really feeling it or vice-versa, we might argue about that. Because me and her live in two different states The long distance thing. So, spending time seems to be a big issue. There's a couple things to think about. Number one, you have close to 15 hundred minutes on any given day. Is there a reason you cannot figure out what to do with 60 minutes together? A daily ritual is something that should happen. For anyone in a long-term relationship. Something that you do every single day. It could be coffee together. It could be going for a run. But something that allows you to connect, so that this does not boil up into an argument. But do I think this is worthy of an argument? Absolutely not. Is it worthy of a conversation? All day long. So who do we have next? What do you guys argue the most. talk about. Exploring sexually. Really? Do you agree? Yes. Sex. You know, Of course. whether you're in the mood or not. You know, stuff like that. This one is a tricky one. It's a tricky one because it is different for every couple. No two couples are alike. You're talking about one person having a safe And the other person having the combination or not. I would recommend two things to at least the couples that we've seen. The first is to explore different times of the day. I know it may seem odd and a little too simple, but for women, when we have a lot of things on our mind, which sort of happens the moment we're fully awake, Then all of a sudden our mind starts going and the last thing we're thinking about is sex. So guys here is a hint. Roll over in the morning before our head starts going and then start kissing us. Let's take a look at another one. Texting, phone communication definitely. How so? Lack of it if anything. If you text, if I text you right now, you'll respond four hours later, and I don't think that's proper, I think if you have a phone, you might not respond you know. Alright, so let's just clarify, texting is not communication. True communication, actually having discussions. That takes a voice, and the reason it takes a voice, is because just as you hear tone In my voice now, there's changes, there's inflections. Text messages don't do that. You can put as many emojis beyond a text as you want, and it just doesn't do that. But in the case of this gentleman, it's very simple. She's just not that into you, so move on to someone who is. Friends, you know, what is a. Type of limit that we should have.>>about her ex girlfriend>> The ex factor>>her ex girlfriend she is always talking about her, she just brought her up a few minutes ago>>Once your married you really have to focus on a principles and certain people got to get cut off and that's it>> This one is a tricky one for a lot of people, for this particular person I would advice move on. She's not over her ex. Just keep it moving. For those who really do have a true relationship where you have committed to be together until the end of time, my recommendation may seem extreme. But it is what it is, cut him off. Your relationship with your spouse now supersedes any other relationship that you have. So if that relationship with an ex makes them uncomfortable My independence, and my boyfriend feeling as though I don't respect him because I don't listen to him, whatever that means. So, I like this gal. She's strong-willed, she's opinionated. Here is the key. It is mutual respect. That respect has to go both ways. So, if he is saying he doesn't feel respected, the question becomes. Why? This is not worthy of an argument. This is worthy of a discussion. So, when you're looking at something and saying. I am strong-willed. I am independent. What does that look like to you? What does that feel like to you? And then you have to ask that person that you're with, what does that look like and feel like to them? Thanks Charlie for hitting the streets of New York and getting some great answers to some tough questions. The Argument-Free Marriage is in stores now, and I hope that this time today showed you that everything is kind of simple. Don't sweat the small stuff, and have a conversation that allows your relationship to last a lifetime. [MUSIC]
Ladies, raise your hand if you’ve had a discussion with a man and he’s clearly wrong about something. He knows he’s wrong, you know he’s wrong but he just won’t admit it.
Well, science says there is a reason for that.
A study reveals that testosterone makes men less likely to question their impulses, thus making them less likely to fess up about being incorrect.
Research from Caltech, the Wharton School, Western University and ZRT Laboratory delved into the phenomenon and determined that men heavily rely on intuitive judgment when it comes to making decisions. Their testosterone also reduces their cognitive reflection, which makes them think they’re right even when they’re wrong.
“What we found was the testosterone group was quicker to make snap judgments on brain teasers where your initial guess is usually wrong,” says Caltech’s Robert Kirby Professor of Behavioral Economics and T&C Chen Center for Social and Decision Neuroscience Leadership Chair, Colin Camerer. “The testosterone is either inhibiting the process of mentally checking your work or increasing the intuitive feeling that ‘I’m definitely right.'”
The study goes on to say that a lot of the male perspective when it comes to right and wrong has a lot to do with confidence because, duh.
“We think it works through confidence enhancement. If you’re more confident, you’ll feel like you’re right and will not have enough self-doubt to correct mistakes,” Camerer says.
So next time you’re arguing with your man and he just can’t own up to being on the wrong side of right, don’t blame him, blame science.