Falling in love is a beautiful thing but staying there can be a challenge. After the honeymoon is over, how do couples keep the fire burning in the bedroom? We checked in with the hilarious duo Scoop and Shanda (pictured) of Man and Wife MTV fame to get their insider advice on making sure the relationship fire stays hot.
Remember that you and your parnter might not always be on the same page physically. “I’m very vocal about my needs but I realize that [Scoop] works a lot and he’s tired. Maturity tells me that I can’t have it my way all the time,” reveals Shanda who has been married to celebrity DJ and radio personality Scoop since 2005.
Don’t take yourselves too seriously. “There have been times that my husband and I did the video thing. We’ll look at it and laugh and we’ll be like, ‘Oh my God!’ (laughs) The last thing we need is for this to wind up on YouTube, so we just have fun, look at it and erase it. We’re definitely a couple that likes to try things and we always encourage other couples to do the same,” says Shanda a former HIV/AIDS counselor.
Scoop agrees, “I love the video thing!”
“I try to take an active role in what makes [Scoop] happy. Out of the blue, I’ll ask, ‘Babe, do you want a massage?’ We have to take initiative and not assume anything in any relationship. Always check in on the emotional and physical,” advises Shanda.
Communication is an important element of any successful relationship. “As you get to know a person and as you become more intimate, each [sexual] opportunity allows you to learn about your partner. The basis of it all is understanding your partner and knowing what they like and what they don’t like and being able to take that relationship to the next level. The key to that is asking questions. A lot of people keep the same intimacy in their relationships because they’re afraid to ask and they’re afraid to say what they want,” schools Shanda.
Don’t be afraid to add some spice to your usual routine. “I recommend people being free and open as long as both are consenting. Try a little something then work your way up,” suggests Shanda.
Let your partner know what is and isn’t working. You’ll both be happier in the end. “My wife told me, ‘If you get in your car in the winter, would you just start it up and drive off?’ No, you have to let the car warm up first. It’s the same thing with a woman. You have to warm them up. It’s about making a woman feel good,” admits Scoop.
It is easy to get comfortable in a relationship but Shanda warns that it could also be very dangerous. Your man might be tired of seeing you wear that old college tee shirt and bandanna to bed every night. “In any committed or long term relationship, there’s a comfort that allows us to wear a rag on our head. But, I know there are certain things that my husband likes, so I go out of my way to do those things.”
Scoop agrees. “Shanda is the kind of person who is always on her job. She goes to bed in a gown. I am blessed because a lot of guys don’t get that. Usually they just get a, ‘Hey, I’m going to bed.’ She’s really going all the way.”
Let’s face it. You adore your bambinos but they sometimes get in the way of a steamy lovemaking session. Shanda has a tip for you: “It’s cool if you can make sex dates. It sounds crazy but its fun. Maybe your parents or a friend can watch your kids. Or, you can make it for a time after the kids are in bed and you know they’re asleep. It’s about taking and making opportunities for each other, going that extra mile. I say this to women all the time—you can be a great mother and you can be a great wife, but you still have to be a great lover to your man."
“Everybody gets it twisted. In a long term relationship, it’s all about what you feel about the other person. If it’s just about sex, then it’s not going to last. Sex is cool but it’s not what keeps me with Shanda. What keeps me there is that I appreciate the person,” reveals Scoop.
Shanda agrees. “Sex is like the cherry on top. You can have sex every night but it doesn’t mean you’re truly feeling your partner,” says Shanda.
How do you keep the fire burning in your own relatioship? Share your personal tips below.