There’s no prescription for heartbreak. It can only be cured with time and patience. When your heart is broken, you feel as if there is nothing that can help the pain and rather than time flying, the days now seem to be 26 hours rather than 24. The most challenging part of it all is that we have to function in our everyday life as we have healed. the great news is: there is life after heartbreak, we promise, and here are 10 tips to help you get back out there for good!
Reflect On What You’ve Learned
As painful as ending the relationship may have been, we want you to focus on what you’ve learned from the relationship. Review what went well and what didn’t. Give yourself a pat on the back for things you’ve discovered that you do very well and consider highlighting those great attributes in your next relationship. Also use this time to identify things about yourself that you wish you could’ve done differently and use this time to sharpen your skills and make adjustments if needed going forward. Also if there were any warning signs you know you ignored early on, take note of what you will and will not tolerate next time.
Rebuild and Restore
It’s now time to restore your faith in love again. Ok so this one didn’t work out. But know that could have been a blessing in disguise. We encourage you to think positively and know that Mr. Right is out there, you are deserving of him, and you will meet him. Give yourself time to heal and get back on the market. Remember you are on the market 24/7 so look the part with both your positive attitude and warm, inviting appearance.
What Type Of Man Do You Deserve?
So now you’re starting to figure out what type of man you don’t want and reasons why. But let’s also talk about the type of man you do want. Write down the top 5 things that you must have. These are not superficial things are characteristics that would be nice to have. These 5 things are so important that they are instant “deal breakers” if they weren’t met. Remember to leave any physical attributes for the end. First consider character, integrity, morals, faith, family, willingness to have children or not, etc.. Keep your new list handy, as it will now be your guide for at least a foundation to finding the love that’s right for you and keeping you focused on what matters most.
Create A Clean Canvas
When you’re ready to date again, we want you to have the ability to be “all-in.” Your new man has no idea what you have gone through unless you tell him (and you shouldn’t early on anyway) and he had absolutely nothing to do with it. He should not have to suffer or pay the price for your experience with someone else. Give him a clean canvass, wipe the slate clean, and start fresh. You both deserve it!
Know What You’re Offering
It’s funny, when women come into our office; they have a long laundry list of requirements of what they want from their new man. If they’ve just gotten over a breakup the list is longer than ever before. But they are often puzzled when we ask, “So what are you offering him?” Have your list ready to go. This list will also be your guide to know your “self-worth” and help you regain the confidence that may be waning after the breakup. You have a lot to offer and your list should make you proud!
Be Open To Trusting Again
As hurtful and difficult as it can be to trust again, we have to. It doesn’t help you at all to be guarded and less vulnerable next time around thinking the next man is going to have to earn his way to the real you. As a matter of fact, we hear from men on a regular basis that when this happens, they feel like it’s too much work to chisel through just to get to the first layer of your heart. And remember they’re not even guaranteed that once they remove the hard exterior that you’re warm and funny and giving. If it gets to be too much to get to the real you it’s quite possible they can become uninterested quickly and move on.
Next Time, Believe What You See!
One of our favorite quotes from our beloved late Sister and Poet, Maya Angelou is, “ When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” Which translates to, don’t ignore the warning signs. You can’t change him, mold him, or shape him into someone else. If the warning signs are waving early on, resolve yourself to breaking it off early and running for the hills!
Be Optimistic and Positive
Simply stated, your confidence will guide you and work on your behalf. We hear time and time again that men love positive and confident women. Studies show when you exude positivity it will come back to you and there is something to The Law of Attraction. If you walk around moping and bitter, it’s working against you and unfortunately your ex has most likely moved on. Decide to surround yourself with positive people who know you and believe in all of your great attributes. Focus on having fun and being around people who have a wonderful outlook on life and love. Before you know it, it will wear off on you and you’ll be ready to let your light shine again.
Be Aware Of Your needs, Vow To Communicate Them Early On
Perhaps you didn’t communicate your needs in the past or maybe you were so busy trying to please someone else that you didn’t even know what you needed. Take this time to figure out what worked for you and what didn’t. If you weren’t before, next time around we want you to be more verbal and vocal. Speak up for yourself and stop unwanted behavior at inception. Share what’s important to you and remember, he’s not a mind reader. He’s expecting you to tell, teach, and show him how to love you.
Trust the Process and Analyze Actions More Than Words
Go with the flow. When a new person appears, don’t focus on what was. Listen to your heart, trust your mind, and more importantly don’t be afraid to be “all –in.” A good barometer to making sure you’re headed in the right direction is to analyze actions more than words. A pearly white smile, a warm hug, and a great dinner can certainly go a long way. But a man who does what he says he’s going to do and shows up for you when needed is even more of a keeper and worth your time, effort, and attention.
HERE’S TO LOVE!
For more great dating advice, visit The Matchmaking Duo’s blog or sign up for an online course.
