You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Dear Dr. Sherry,
My husband and I have been married for almost six years now and we’ve been together for a total of 12 years. I recently discovered that he has been sneaking around with a woman we both know who happens to be his co-worker.
This woman has been to our house and our kids have even played together. When I confronted him about his affair he admitted that he was seeing her but they were not involved sexually. I find it hard to believe him because I found out that they were taking trips together. Even after I confronted him and we decided to work things out, I discovered that he was still talking to her on the phone before and after work.
A part of me wants to believe that he loves me and wants to continue working things out. But I am finding it hard to like someone I love. Sometimes I love him to pieces and sometimes I am not liking the sight of him. He is very adamant about not seeking marriage counseling. I don’t even think he even knows why he cheated in the first place. He claims that nothing is wrong at home he just wanted to try something new. I find this to be disturbing and offensive at the same time. Please help, I need advice.
I love but hate him
Your husband has clearly shown you who he is and for some reason, you don’t believe him. He has lied, cheated, and totally disrespected you and your home. He has brought the other woman into your home, had your children play with hers, and even been on trips with her. Yet, your husband says their relationship is not sexual. Really? Even you do not believe that. Despite the fact that you were willing to work things out, he has refused to accept marriage counseling. Guess why! He continues to talk to this woman and has an ongoing relationship. Now that it is clear who your husband is, the focus must be on you understanding who you are. You may indeed love your husband but do you love yourself more? For whatever reason, you appear to feel as you have no choice but to accept his behavior. In fact, you are trying to make sense out of his behaviors. I recommend that you seek individual therapy to understand who you are and why are you wanting this marriage apparently more than your husband. If you want more in a marriage, why are you settling for less? Wake up! Nothing is going to change until you make changes! –Dr. Sherry
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