Our social media feeds are chock-full of posts showing that Black women can and do get what they want. We are the queens of achieving success in our careers, for our children and in our finances. Yet when it comes to matters of the heart, we sometimes fall short.

Abiola Abrams, a transformation coach and the author of The Sacred Bombshell Handbook of Self-Love, has devoted her life to helping us find fulfillment. The self-proclaimed Self-Worth Midwife and creator of womanifesting.com uses group coaching, retreats and tutorials to show women how to break free of their fears and realize their power to get what they want.

ESSENCE: How do we bring good things into our lives?

ABIOLA ABRAMS: The act of manifesting means dissolving beliefs that are holding us back while simultaneously aligning ourselves with the vibration of our desires. There’s a frequency to everything, so we can align with the energy of love mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally and sexually.

ESSENCE: What can we do to jumpstart this process?

ABRAMS: Step one is to pay attention to your thoughts. Every morning for 14 days, wake up and journal for three pages or 20 minutes, whichever comes first. Journal on the love that’s showing up in your life and your thoughts about it. How do you react when your friend says, “I’m in a new relationship”? Are you excited? Keep it real on those pages, ladies. If you weren’t happy your friend got engaged, write that down and be okay to feel it, to get clear on it. We can’t heal if we don’t allow ourselves to examine the full range of our feelings.

ESSENCE: What comes next?

ABRAMS: Give yourself permission to play. Journal about your future boo. How does your partner treat you? Write special notes to this person: “Hey, bae. Thank you so much for the head massage today,” for example. This is how we step into the vibration of being well loved. Thinking Ooh, it’s coming is exciting and has a better energy than I don’t have it or I need it.

ESSENCE: What’s the physical representation of this?

ABRAMS: Get yourself out there. You can work with a matchmaker or try a dating website. If you’re a first-move kind of girl, get on Bumble. Also start to notice love from a place of joy and appreciation. When you see people holding hands, mentally feel the energy of it. Celebrate and enjoy it. To call love into your life, take a little hit of positivity, of joy. A love shot.

ESSENCE: What can we do at home?

ABRAMS: Ensure that your nest has the right feng shui for love. Look through your abode for twoness instead of oneness. Do you have two end tables? Is there room in a drawer for bae’s stuff? Make space for what’s coming.

Do you have two end tables? Is there room in a drawer for bae’s stuff? Make space for what’s coming.

—ABIOLA ABRAMS, TRANSFORMATION COACH

ESSENCE: Should we share what we’re manifesting with others?

ABRAMS: Absolutely. This is a totally different energy than an energy of desperation because now you’ve gone through the emotional clearing. The light is on, so tell somebody. Ask folks, “Do you know anyone?” Tell the people in your life that you are open and looking for love.

This article originally appeared in the October 2019 issue of essence Magazine, on newsstands now!

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