Passionate Living Coach Abiola Abrams gives love, dating and self-esteem advice on networks from MTV to the BBC and all over the web through her hit web series AbiolaTV. Now she wants to help you keep things spicy and fresh between the sheets. Are you in need of an intimacy intervention? Just ask Abiola!
I have been married just for 3 weeks and so far it is already a sexless marriage.
We are living in his mom’s house right now. We used to live in Boston and now we are in Florida so everything – including my marriage – is so new for me, Due to present financial circumstances, we will be here for at least the next month, possibly longer.
The horrible and embarrassing problem is that I haven’t been able to have sex with my new husband since I got here. It feels totally awkward and I don’t know what the reason is!
I feel bad that I cannot do it because I know he wants, but I just can not.
Frigging Frigid in Florida
Dear Sacred Bombshell,
Congrats on your new marriage! Let’s fix this quickly so that you and your hubby can have the hot relationship you both deserve. I don’t know your current financial issues, but I’m sure it’s not easy to begin this important stage of your relationship under his mother’s roof. Although you’re in a stressful situation, this will probably be the least complicated letter I answer all year.
If we keep it real, everyone reading this can relate to your issue in some way. No matter how old you are, the prospect of being intimate in his mother’s home can make you feel like you’re cutting class to go to first base in someone’s parents’ basement.
You are husband and wife, but it is still awkward. It’s okay. You’re human. Be clear with your husband that you find him extremely desirable. Explain that you’re turned off by the awkwardness of the situation, not by him. I want you and your man to be able to laugh together at this rather than starting your marriage off with a fizzle.
You have 2 options, my queen. Option 1: Get comfortable with the situation and perhaps time your encounters when you know that his mom isn’t home. Option 2: Find a way to have date nights out while you’re still living with his mom.
I know that your financial situation is challenging but put your pennies together to spend a night a week in a local Airbnb apartment or every other week in a hotel. Think outside of the box. Does his mom have a garage that you can rent instead of a bedroom? Do you have a bestie that will lend you her apartment for a day, college-style?
Intimacy cannot be an afterthought in your relationship. Don’t let your marriage begin on a low note.
Abiola Abrams is the author of the award-winning Sacred Bombshell Handbook of Self-Love, Manifest Your Miracles meditation album and African Goddess Affirmation Cards. The popular lifestyle guru is also the founder of the Sacred Bombshell Self-Care Kits, blog, web TV show, and online academy at SacredBombshell.com. Follow her on Twitter to continue the discussion about this week’s hot topic, and then email her your burning questions now. Anything you send will be posted anonymously, promise.
Find Abiola’s juiciest bombshell love tips in the February 2016 #BlackGirlMagic issue of ESSENCE Magazine on pages 115-116.
More Advice From Abiola: