Intimacy Intervention: ‘I Feel Like I Have to Go to the Bathroom When We Have Sex’
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Passionate Living Coach Abiola Abrams gives love, dating and self-esteem advice on the CW’s Bill Cunningham Show and all over the web through her hit web series AbiolaTV. Now she wants to help you keep things spicy and fresh between the sheets. Are you in need of an intimacy intervention? Just ask Abiola!

Dear Abiola,
During intercourse, I start to feel like I have to go use the bathroom. I always urinate before starting intercourse. Is this how an orgasm is really supposed to feel or is his penis hitting my bladder and causing me to have this sensation?

I need help in understanding what the ‘Big One’ actually feels like. I’m in a new relationship and my guy-friend says what I am feeling is just the feeling of an orgasm coming. Any help or feedback is much appreciated. This is embarrassing!
Help please!


Bedroom or Bathroom?

Dearest BOB,

You wouldn’t believe how many women ask me this question and then feel ashamed for asking. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. You’re just lacking knowledge about your body and related physiology, that’s all. The fact that you are taking control of your right to full sexual pleasure is courageous and juicy.

It is completely possible for a woman to urinate and orgasm at the same time. For men, this is physically impossible because the opening to a man’s bladder closes as he is about to ejaculate. Women who have urinary incontinence and overactive bladder often feel the urge to go, and they “leak” urine from the urethra when laughing, working out, sneezing, and yes, while having an orgasm. 

You are already emptying your bladder before sex; please continue to do so. Your partner’s penis could be hitting your bladder. He could be large for your body or you could be positioning yourselves so that your bladder is more vulnerable. The vagina and bladder are really close. The clitoris is also very close to the urethra. It’s a challenge to physically touch one without touching the other.

Your guy-friend may be right when he says that you are just feeling an orgasm coming on. This can be confusing because the sensation of an impending orgasm can be mistaken for the urge to urinate. Many women hold back when they feel this feeling because they’re not sure.

The only way to know which it is in your body is for you to put down a towel, relax and go all the way there. If you feel comfortable, let yourself go with your partner and you may experience the most magnificent orgasm of your life. You can also try to replicate the play between you two by yourself to see what happens. 

Strengthening your PC (or pubococcygeus) muscle with pelvic floor exercises will give you greater bodily confidence in this area. Also called Kegeling or PC Squeezes, these exercises will give you greater control over the urge to urinate. These exercises can be helpful if you give birth to a child and can increase pleasurable sensations for you and your partner.

To locate the PC muscle, stop your flow of urine the next time you use the bathroom. When not using the toilet, you can do Kegel exercises by squeezing this muscle for a count of five seconds and then letting go for five seconds. Don’t hold your breath and be sure that you’re not contracting muscles in your stomach, butt or thighs. Try to do ten reps three times a day.

Good Vibrations at the website provides many different ways to get a PC workout. Did you know that there are vaginal barbells and weights? Yes! Kandi Burruss’ Bedroom Kandi line makes “Hold on to Me Kegel Balls.” These graduated weights can improve sexual health, strengthen orgasms and be a turn-on for you.  Choose a weight combination and insert it vaginally for a workout. They also carry “Steele Balls Kegel Exercisers” similar to the ones the character Anastasia Steele used in 50 Shades of Grey. Women also find success with Je Joue’s “Ami Kegal Balls.”

No one can describe to you what the “Big O” feels like except to say that when you feel this series of delightful involuntary contractions you’ll know. It’s time to get to know your bodacious body and all that it’s capable of. Of course, see your own personal care physician to make sure all is well medically. Wishing you bountiful bouts with pleasure!

Passionately yours,


Courtesy of Abiola Abrams

Blogger, author and life coach Abiola Abrams

Abiola Abrams is the founder of The Bombshell Academy blog, online school and web series over at AbiolaTV. Follow her on Twitter to continue the discussion about this week’s hot topic, and then email her your burning questions now. Anything you send will be posted anonymously, promise.