Our mothers had Dear Abby and we have Dear Abiola. Sexpert and lifestyle coach Abiola Abrams answers your burning questions on love, sex and intimacy.
Dear Abiola,
I don’t want to have sex with anybody because I feel fat, disgusting and ugly. If one more person tells me that I have a pretty face I’m going to scream.
If you asked anyone who knows me, they would think I am the most confident girl in the world. That I am 40 and effen fabulous. The life of the party. I can build everybody else up — except myself. I am the safe, fat, dark-skinned, natural haired friend that all of my thin, weaved out besties feel safe with because I am no competition.
I proclaim all the time that I am fat and proud but deep down inside that’s not how I feel. I have been celibate for about 7 years — and it doesn’t feel like it’s by choice. I barely look in the mirror or touch my gross body.
I don’t want to be anyone’s fetish fat lay. I just feel unattractive and afraid that I will never find anyone who really loves me for me.
The last guy I had sex with was a man I had dated for about 4 months. I was really falling for him until he told me that he was really turned on by the way a big woman smells. So I have a different smell now than other women?
I’ve started dating someone new who I met online. We both have confessed that we are falling in love. He really could be The One. It’s getting to that time where we might take things to a physical level. He doesn’t know that I wear 2 sets of Spanx, arm shaper t-shirts and other body slimmers under my clothes. He doesn’t know that I wear contour makeup on my face to not look like a fat pig.
Every time we start kissing I get anxious thinking about what comes next.
How can I stop feeling fat and ugly in bed?
Signed,
Big Girls Do Cry
Dear Sacred Bombshell,
Sit your beautiful self down and let’s talk, soul to soul, woman to woman.
Your king is waiting for you. I don’t know whether he is your current man or not, that’s up to you. But your king is waiting for you to DECIDE that you are worth loving. That’s right. It begins with a decision and the willingness to release the lies that you believe about yourself. Loving yourself is a gift that you give to you.
6 Ways to Feel More Sexy in Your Body Today.
Get naked.
Take off the Spanx and the body shapers, contour makeup and the whole nine yards. Stand your big, naked, beautiful body with your gorgeous, dark skin and God-given natural hair in front of a mirror. What do you see? Who do you see?
2. Enjoy the kissing and foreplay.
Kissing is an extremely erotic act. Get out of your head and into your body. Feel how good it feels to kiss your man. Let yourself feel the oxytocin and other feel-good hormones that are released when you kiss. Take your time and move into delicious foreplay.
3. Be vulnerable.
Being comfortable while being physically naked starts with being comfortable while you’re getting emotionally naked. Stop pretending to be the life if the party. Get real. If this guy feels to you like The One, treat him as such. Be open, honest and vulnerable about what you are feeling.
4. Touch yourself.
You deserve to feel and enjoy pleasure. You are worthy and deserving of all good things. Start an erotic love affair — with yourself. Get to know your beautiful body on an intimate level. Feel what it feels to like experience pleasure for pleasure’s sake. Touch your amazing body and learn to feel the joy.
5. Balance your sacral chakra.
Heal your sacral chakra area. Your sacral chakra is the part of your body that houses your yoni and reproductive organs. We have the only human body part created solely for pleasure. Do you realize that there are 8,000 + yummy nerve endings in your clitoris? Girl, you are magic!
Try a healing and balancing Sacral Chakra guided meditation. This will help you raise your sexual self-esteem and help you get back in touch (pun intended) with your sacred feminine goddesses energy and sensual power. Downlaod your FREE Sacral Chakra Meditation right now at: [link] www.YouAreASexyGoddess.com.
6. Learn the Positions.
Anticipation is the hottest aphrodisiac. There are many different fun positions for a luscious curvy woman like you. Read up on the best positions for curve girls right here. [link]
https://www.essence.com/2013/10/01/intimacy-intervention-best-sex-positions-plus-size-women
Get the help of a trusted therapist, coach or counselor to learn to love your body, mind, and spirit. Also, I don’t know your health situation, but consider that you may be choosing to hold on to the weight to keep you from reaching another level of intimacy and comfort with a potential partner.
You got this, gorgeous!
Love and Magic,
Abiola
Abiola Abrams is the founder of Womanifesting University, author of the award-winning Sacred Bombshell Handbook of Self-Love and creator of the African Goddess Affirmation Cards. Download your free, sexy Sacral Chakra Mindset Meditation now here.
