One of the best gifts you can give yourself for the New Year is to let your inner naughty girl out in all her raw and unedited glory. Beyoncé sho nuf has with her recently-released fifth album, Beyoncé, which is her first self-titled body of music. And her freakiest as she asks the limo driver to let up the divider so she can salute her husband in private on “Partition.”
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On the song “Rocket,” when she says, “Tell me what you’re going to do with all of this” then harmonizes “ass” we about slid out of our chairs. Every. Time. It’s not just about a woman owning her desires. But tapping into the sexuality she was born with, partner optional.
Sexuality can be one of our most powerful energy sources, so it’s important for women to tap into their sexual selves on their own terms. For the January 2014 issue of ESSENCE, we assembled a panel of ‘sexperts’ to share their secrets and tips for “Your 2014 Sensuality Blackbook.” Here are some!
Discover the Power of Sexuality. “A satisfying sex life has been proven to improve our health and psychological wellbeing,” shares Beatriz Mieses, a New York City life coach and creator of the Shamelessly Sexy workshop. “I also believe it is directly connected to our relationship with the divine and being successful in our career and businesses.”
Our sexual desires are a natural drive just like the need to sleep, eat and drink. And sexuality is much more than what happens between the sheets (or in the back of a car). It’s about stimulating your mind first. Zane shared how scents play a powerful role in her feeling sensual. “The first thing anybody says when they see me is ‘you smell good,’ ” shares the queen of Black erotica.
Stay Sexually Active. A celibacy season can be a great opportunity to reset your focus; just don’t let too much time pass. “People who just give up on intimacy and sexual pleasure have increased levels of cortisol and stress. I’ve seen a lot of women take really long breaks from sex,” says Rachael Ross, M.D., a sexologist and cohost on The Doctors.
“When you take a long break, your clitoris and vagina can go to sleep. If you don’t use it, you will lose that connection to yourself.” Being sexual doesn’t have to mean a booty call, as the good doctor recommends self-pleasure and outer course as alternatives. And if you find yourself nearing three years without sexual activity, it’s time to reconnect. Put Beyoncé’s “Blow” or “Rocket” on repeat and say hello to a vibrating friend.
Mix Up Your Romance Ritual. Like every area of life, sometimes our sex lives can become routine. It’s important to continue trying new experiences to keep the excitement and refresh your libido. Whether it’s making the first move or letting your alter-ego out at dinner, bring your fantasies to life. Angel, a popular oral sex expert from Chicago, was married with little experience performing oral sex when she decided she wanted to upgrade her skills on going down.
She began to experiment and soon started sharing what she learned with friends. Now she creates popular DVD tutorials and has taught classes for more than 45,000 women (including a lively session with the editors of ESSENCE). She continues to discover new secrets, like her signature grapefruit technique. “Oral sex is about pleasure for both of us,” she shares. Of course including a fellatio how-to in the latest issue raised a few eyebrows, but it was worth it for women to feel as confident in the bedroom as we do in the boardroom.
Unwrap Your Sexy. “Some of the biggest complaints I get from guys who have been with their wives or girlfriends for a while is that we want to wear our scarves,” shares Ross. Keep it sexy and preserve your style by getting up a little earlier. Take your hair down and take advantage of the fact that our sex drives are more active in the morning, thanks to testosterone. End your man’s nighttime complaints of your scarf by offering a morning special.
Find Your Passion Point. Whether it’s launching a new business, going lingerie shopping with your girls or adding new mood lighting to your bedroom, commit to discovering something that makes you feel your sexiest self this year. Push to do whatever it takes to declare like Beyoncé, “Goddamnit I’m comfortable in my skin.” The more turned-on you are by your own self, the more life and every person you encounter will take notice.
Pick up the January issue of ESSENCE (on stands now) to discover more tips to your sexiest year yet and tell us below how you are embracing your sexuality this year!