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His Body, Your Pleasure

Is his foreplay terrible? Are you a virgin but still want to satisfy your man? These are tough questions, but we've got answers.

Does your man leave something to be desired in the bedroom? Are you still a virgin but want to satisfy your man? We asked the experts so you wouldn’t have to. Here are the answers to your burning questions:

Q: My lover’s oral sex game is less than a ten. What can I do to improve his technique without hurting his feelings?
A: I know just how you feel. It’s hard telling a man that he’s doing it all wrong. One time, I was so put off by the way a boyfriend kissed me—I felt as if my face were going through a car wash—I was tempted to move to another city. For better results, Philadelphia sex therapist Alex Caroline Robboy says try plenty of positive feedback. “You want to give him encouragement about things he is doing well so he feels comfortable trying something new,” says Robboy. She suggests being super-expressive when you are enjoying yourself so your man will know he’s on the right track. Imagine the clear message you’ll be sending by moaning in ecstasy when he’s hitting the spot, then letting him hear crickets if he moves in the wrong direction. And if the nonverbal communication doesn’t work, try sending him an instructive text while he’s at work: “Baby, tonite I’d like a slow circular motion and not too much pressure. XO, Your girl’s vajayjay.” See if he doesn’t rush home to practice.

Q: I am a 25-year-old virgin. How can I satisfy my boyfriend without going all the way?
A: Think of your man’s body as the world’s best amusement park. Sure, some may come only to ride the Big Dipper, but there are other thrills to be had—if you’re willing to explore off the beaten path. Rub your man’s feet, whisper in his ear, lick his neck. And if you really want to set off fireworks, give him a handy. A hand job is the safest sex there is. It leaves your man satisfied, and you don’t even have to take off your clothes, unless you want to. Simply undo his pants and Ooh! and Ah! over his magnificence (good sex is 80 percent enthusiasm). Squeeze a generous amount of lubricant into the palm of your hand and handle his business. If your man’s face is twisted up like his baby toe is stuck in a mousetrap, you’re doing great. Feeling hot and bothered yourself? Let him return the favor.

Get more of the sex advice you want in the new May issue of ESSENCE magazine, on newsstands now. Want to see your question featured?

E-mail your questions to SEXTALK@ESSENCE.COM