• Celebrity
    • Daniel Kaluuya Digital Cover
    • Digital Cover Method Man
    • Digital Cover Zazie
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
    • If Not For My Girls
  • Fashion
    • ESSENCE Fashion House 2022
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Black Beauty Awards 2022
    • ESSENCE Hair Awards 2022
    • AVEENO Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weave
    • 4C
  • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • Black History Month
    • ESSENCE Gift Guide 2022
    • ESSENCE + smartwater Live Well Challenge
    • Build Your Legacy 2022
    • Dream & Plan with Confidence Prudential
    • AMEX Platinum Travel
    • Homecoming Season 2022
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
  • News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Sponsors Recognition Page 2022
    • Latest News
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Video
  • Festival
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Fest Videos
  • Events
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Girls United Summit
    • 2022 ESSENCE Fashion House
    • 2022 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2022 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
    • 2022 Homecoming Season
    • Wellness House
    • She Got Now
    • Dear Black Men
    • I Am Speaking
    • Power Tools
  • Studios
  • Girls United

WHERE BLACK WOMEN COME FIRST

Every day we're serving Black women deeply. Come get a plate of goodness! Sign up for daily content and exclusive offers you'll love!

Your email is required.
Your email is in invalid format.
Confirm email is required.
Email did not match.
By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Terms of Use and that you have read our Privacy Policy
Skip to content
SUBSCRIBE
  • MAGAZINE
  • NEWSLETTER
  • Celebrity
    • Daniel Kaluuya Digital Cover
    • Digital Cover Method Man
    • Digital Cover Zazie
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
      • Paint The Polls Black
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
    • If Not For My Girls
  • Fashion
    • ESSENCE Fashion House 2022
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Black Beauty Awards 2022
    • ESSENCE Hair Awards 2022
    • AVEENO Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weave
    • 4C
  • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • Black History Month
    • ESSENCE Gift Guide 2022
    • ESSENCE + smartwater Live Well Challenge
    • Build Your Legacy 2022
    • Dream & Plan with Confidence Prudential
    • AMEX Platinum Travel
    • Homecoming Season 2022
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
  • News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Sponsors Recognition Page 2022
    • Latest News
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Video
  • Festival
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Fest Videos
  • Events
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Girls United Summit
    • 2022 ESSENCE Fashion House
    • 2022 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2022 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
    • 2022 Homecoming Season
    • Wellness House
    • She Got Now
    • Dear Black Men
    • I Am Speaking
    • Power Tools
  • Studios
  • Girls United
Home · Love & Sex

Frisky Fridays: Why Women Have Sex

What's our motivation for sex? "Why Women Have Sex" authors Cindy Meston, Ph. D. and David M. Buss, Ph. D. have the answers. They share surprising results on women and sex for this week's Frisky Friday feature.
By · Updated October 29, 2020
01
Let’s Get It On

What’s our motivation for sex? “Why Women Have Sex” authors Cindy Meston, Ph. D., and David M. Buss, Ph. D., have the answers. They share surprising results on women and sex for this week’s Frisky Friday feature.

Frisky Fridays: Why Women Have Sex
Corbis
02
Same Difference

Don’t believe the hype. It’s been said that men want to have sex for physical reasons and women for love—but it’s not the case. Men and women want to have sex for many of the same reasons.

“A lot of men have sex for emotional bonding to get closer to their partner, and women very much wanted to have sex for physical pleasure,” Meston says.

Frisky Fridays: Why Women Have Sex
Corbis
03
Size Matters

Size does play a part—but not like you think.

Buss and Meston’s research found that women are most attracted to men who are symmetrical, something we unconsciously sense through smell.

“Men who are more symmetrical provide more orgasms,” Buss says.

Ladies also prefer men with athletic builds and broad shoulders, relative to their hips.

Frisky Fridays: Why Women Have Sex
Corbis
04
I’ll Take Your Man

Lately some of our favorite celebs have been accused of man poaching, and they aren’t alone. More than 3,000 women participated in “Why Women Have Sex” studies and 53 percent admitted to trying to take another woman’s man.

“Women use sex to woo a man away,” Buss says. “When a man is in a relationship, woman see him as pre-screened and often think he must be a good guy. Poaching is part of our evolved strategy of mating.”

Frisky Fridays: Why Women Have Sex
Corbis
05
Sympathy Sex

In our nurturing way, women also use sex as a comfort for men—sometimes even when they aren’t totally attracted to the guy.

“Some women shared altruistic reasons for having sex. They want to make him feel good,” Meston shares.

Women in relationships also look at sex as a duty, when their sex drives don’t match a partners.

Frisky Fridays: Why Women Have Sex
Corbis
06
Happy Hormones

What you may be feeling is love—or the “cuddle hormone” oxytocin. The hormone is released during sex and often increases feelings of attachment and comfort.

“Women can mistakenly associate those hormones for feelings for the person,” Buss says.

So be particular on who you let in your bed, because it may be hard to get them out of your system.

Frisky Fridays: Why Women Have Sex
Corbis
07
The Sweetest Revenge

Forget turning the other cheek. Women are responding to infidelity with an affair of their own.

“Some women shared how they had sex with their best friend’s partner, because she did it,” Buss says.

Though women are responding to cheating with sex, the outcome isn’t always the same, as some feel vindicated while others have regrets.

“On a conscious level, that woman wants to get back at him, but at a unconscious level, she may have low self-esteem or a history of being abandoned," Meston adds.

Frisky Fridays: Why Women Have Sex
Corbis
08
Spirtual Connection

While many women have sex to feel connected to their partner, some women had intercourse to feel closer to the Most High.

“Pure joy and connection with another person, I feel, is becoming closer to the cycles of life and the underlying palpable energy of the world…in essence, God,” said one woman, age 21.

Frisky Fridays: Why Women Have Sex
Corbis
09
More We Get Together

The reasons we have sex at different ages don’t change, they just often increase.

“An 18-year-old will do it because it feels good, where a 45-year-old will have sex because it feels good, she wants to bond with her partner and she wants some excitement,” Meston says.

Frisky Fridays: Why Women Have Sex
10
Ms. Independent

Today’s woman is all about feeling empowered—and the bedroom is one place women historically are repressed. So many ladies are taking back the reigns of their sex lives and enjoying the ride (no pun, of course). Some are even using it as a cure for heartbreak.

“One woman said the best way to get over a man is to get under another one,” Buss says.

Frisky Fridays: Why Women Have Sex
Corbis
11
Relax, Release, Reflect

Why do women have sex? For numerous different reasons—and often without thought.

“Women don’t spend a lot of time thinking about why they have sex,” Reston says. “We hope discussing the topic helps lead to better choices.”

Share your biggest sex motivations below.

Frisky Fridays: Why Women Have Sex
Corbis
COMPANY INFORMATION
  • Our Company
  • Customer Service
  • Essence Ventures
  • Change Your Address
  • Contact Us
  • Job Opportunities
  • Internships
  • Media Kit
  • tag
SUBSCRIBE
  • Newsletters
  • Give a Gift of ESSENCE
  • Magazine Tablet Edition
FOLLOW US
MORE ON ESSENCE
  • Home
  • Love
  • Celebrity
  • Beauty
  • Hair
  • Fashion
  • ESSENCE festival

ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc.

Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice.

©2023 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms

Get The ESSENCE Newsletter and
Special Offers delivered to your inbox

By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Get The ESSENCE Magazine
by subscribing below
subscribe now