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Dr. Jackie: When It Comes To His Penis, You Have To Play Inspector Gadget

Our resident OB/GYN explains how to use your five senses to be sure his penis is ready to play.
Dr. Jackie: When It Comes To His Penis, You Have To Play Inspector Gadget
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It’s not always how we clean our vaginas, what we eat or “that time of the month” that determines how healthy the vagina feels or smells.

Ladies, sometimes, our vagina needs a 911 call because of what we have allowed inside of it. I get hundreds of calls from patients inquiring about the best vaginal products to keep the va-j-jay smelling good. They ask for medicine to control that annoying vaginal discharge or what they can do to stop that recurring irritation and/or itch. Never once do they think to call to ask, “Dr. Jackie, do you think my new guy of two weeks could have caused this discharge?” or “Do you think that guy I met and can’t remember his name may have me itching?” Or, maybe, “Could my married ‘cuddie buddie’ have caused this odor that keeps coming back?”

Well, I want to help you, ladies! To start, I recommend you become the female Inspectors of those gadgets. (Hint…hint.) It is such an inconceivable thought that ladies are having sex (especially unprotected) with their guys without examining “the one-eyed monster” before allowing him to pick flowers from their vaginal flowerbed. We are allowing him to creep in with the lights off and without a full pat down. You don’t have to have sex to get some STIs (sexually transmitted infections). Skin-to-skin contact is enough to spread some STIs.  Learn to inspect his gadget by using your five senses. Here’s how.

Let’s start with SIGHT…
TURN THE LIGHTS ON! Sight is your first line of defense. If your vision has expired and is no longer 20/20, please put your glasses on. You want to look for any open sores, blisters, discharge, or if it is a F.L.P. (funny looking penis) or just doesn’t look right. Sight should be combined with all other senses. Remember look before touching.

If you see or feel a fleshy-colored or pink flat or raised cauliflower like bump and they don’t hurt to touch, it could be genital warts, caused by human papilloma virus (HPV). If you feel a cluster of blisters, it could be herpes caused by herpes simplex virus (HSV); you may want to skip touching these during this inspection because herpes is highly contagious and can be transmitted from the infected area to your uninfected area. Just a friendly reminder: Bugs are only acceptable out in nature, not in the bedroom, and bed bugs don’t grow on hair. If you see creepy crawlers in his pubic area, this is likely crabs or pubic lice, Pthirus pubis. This is one of those STIs that doesn’t even require sex.

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Put your ear to the bathroom door. If you hear crying and moaning while urinating, something is on fire—and, it’s probably not the bathroom. Gonorrhea and Chlaymdia could be your two new vocabulary words for the week. Gonorrhea (the Drip or the CLAP) often presents as a pus-like (purulent) discharge from the penis. This can cause irritation to the urethra (pee hole), which causes him to scream though it is has nothing to do with a climax. Men describe it as “peeing fire”. The fire rule, ladies, is STOP, DROP, and ROLL out of there QUICKLY! Chlamydia may not be so obvious. It is frequently seen and not heard, or just asymptomatic (no symptoms).

Refer to my last article (include last week’s link) about vaginal odors during the next inspection phase. Men are not exempt from the “seafood” isle. A whiff of a foul or fishy smell can be Trichomonas that may present with a greenish discharge from HIS One-eyed Monster’s head but they often time are asymptomatic.

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If you notice any abnormalities with the previous inspection senses, SKIP THIS ONE! But I will tell you a secret, men are also very much what they eat; if you want something that taste sweet, fill his belly with strawberries, peaches, and pineapples.

I could go on and on, but ladies, I think you get my point here. You can visit the CDC’s website for a list of all Sexually Transmitted Infections, transmission, and treatment information. It is true that what is done in the dark will come to the light. I am simply advising you to turn the lights on first, before you play in the dark. Remember to use your five senses, girls. ALL of them.